[okiliz]

Hey guys,
So just a quick vent.. maybe it will help me sleep better .
I just got off the phone with my SIL, wishing congrats on the birth of my new niece, she is adorable!! .. I am honestly super happy for her but.. I can't lie it hurts like heck .. My due date at first was Jan 11th but then I was having twins , so they would have done a C-section around 38 weeks , I would have been due around dec 28th .. So this time of the year is really hard anyway as that date is coming closer and closer, but... I just feel so bad because I think.. it should have been me.. I should be huge,massive even with a belly full of twin boys... My back should have hurt, I should not be able to sleep right now I should be so freakin excited I can barely breathe ... Instead my Jingle belly tee shirt is balled up in the china hutch and I am sitting here crying because I lost my babies and I am stil not pregnant... We are going tot ry again in Mid Jan because good ole AF had to come on her own for once and mess up my carefully planned schedule . We are freezing Hubby's swimmers on the 29th so that we can try while he is gone nut I hope we get to try one more fresh cycle before he leaves on the 22nd .. I am excited to try again but it still makes me sad... Most of the time it is easier for me now .. I only cringe on the inside when I see a pregnant woman ... I rarely burst out into random tears just because I think of my angel babies.. Now the crying is limited to births and failed cycles when I get that evil BFN .. I know.. I have two daughters and I should be thankful, I AM super thankful.. I just... right now this has brought the pain right back up to the surface and ripped my heart open again.. and I feel just... evil that I feel this way...
I'm trying to think happy thoughts !! this next cycle will work!!!! but right now.. I just feel... like it was yesterday.. hopefully when I wake up I can be more positive.. but I have to go to the DR and she is pregnant... god I sound liek such a wimp...Thanks for listening guys!!
and a huge super congrats to the ladies who did get their BFPs this month !!! You all deserve it :-)

[amandakay29]

I just want to say I'm sorry. And also it totally sucks that your Dr. is pregnant. I wish I could say it gets easier but I don't know if it really ever does.

[ohnicole]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I totally understand... my SIL is due in February, my little one should have been almost a year old by then, and here I am still TTC. Life's not fair, that's for sure. I hope you get a BFP your next cycle

[maryslittlelambs]

Hugs!

[Joanna1127]

sending you tons of hugs!

I know how you feel. My SIL just had a baby at the beginning of the month. As much as I am happy for them, it reopened my wound a milion times more! I was/have been an even more emotional wreck than I was.

[j&jmom]

I just wanted to say sorry and hugs . . . I think we all have times like this.

[purplelady]

[.:Shortcake:.]

Hugs! I am so sorry your having to go through this

[MountainMomma]

(((hugs)))

I am sorry that you are having a rough time right now. I don't usually post here.... I just lurk, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My SIL and I were pregnant at the same time, and due within two weeks of each other. I miscarried and she went on to have a beautiful little boy who is now 2 1/2. She has also had a second pregnancy that resulted in twin girls that are now 1 1/2 and I ......well, all I have had is more losses. I cannot look at her little boy (who I do love dearly!) without thinking about the fact that I should have one that age. Even with the girls.... I should have been due a month before they were born so again.... it should be me!

I can't even watch the local news anymore because one of the anchors and the weather lady are both pregnant. This time of year makes it even worse because I can't help but think about the fact that there should be so many more gifts under the tree this year.

[Kary♥RN]

Hugs...