[ohnicole]

My DH and I just moved out of state this year, and my DH is working at a major university, so for Christmas gifts, we gave out a bunch of college sweatshirts. Yesterday when my mom opened hers (it just had the first letter of the college on it), she was all confused and was asking what it meant, and I thought nothing of it. But then later she pulled me aside to tell me that she's sorry that she was so disappointed with her gift, but she had convinced herself that I was going to announce that I was pregnant for Christmas and that she couldn't figure out how the letter on the shirt was meant to be pregnancy related and then she couldn't help but be disappointed when we told her what it really was.

I just kind of said okay and walked away. What did she think I was going to say to that? Doesn't she think I would rather think she didn't like a dumb shirt than be reminded of what I lost and what I still don't have? I just don't get her sometimes. Thanks for letting me know that my infertility ruined your Christmas, mom.

[mmllhh]

Sometimes people just have what i like to call, stupidity leaks.

[Shadeauxe]

I think that people cannot always put themselves in other's shoes and say things that it didn't occur would hurt the other person. It doesn't make what she said any better, but if you send her an email or tell her in person that what she said hurt your feelings, I doubt should would say something like that again.

[missy123]

I am so sorry...

[luvmykids623]

I'm so sorry!

[BeccaM]

Im sorry you had to go through that Nicole.

[ohnicole]

Thanks, girls I like the stupidity leak comment, Michelle

[mmllhh]

glad i could make you smile.

[Brittanie]

Ugh, I'm so sorry honey.

[Erin84]

AUGH! When I told my mom DH was getting me a ring with Drew's birthstone on it, she asked what his stone was, and I told her opal. I like the white ones just as well as a black one or a fire one... Well her reply was, "I hope it's a black one, those are pretty. The white ones are just awful, god those are ugly..." And yeah, mine has a white stone. Some people have no idea how what they say impacts others

[tobi4]

Im sorry Nicole, what a thoughtless thing to say. And I really have no idea what she is normally like, but it sounds a little to me like she wanted you to know that she is really looking forward to your pregnancy and anything would have been a disappointment, when she is wanting it so badly. Is she normally unfeeling towards your feelings? Maybe Im just hoping she said it badly, and was trying to share with you the disappointment you feel?
Actually regardless of all that Nicole, Im sorry you were hurt, intentional or not. xo, I missed you over Christmas! ... and.... I notice EW on your chart .... woot woot, when is your ultrasound to check your ovaries??

[ohnicole]

Erin, that was really rude of your mother... I guess being a mother doesn't make you immune to making hurtful comments

Tobi, I'm sure she was thinking that she was being nice by wishing that I was pregnant. I know I'm being a little hard on her, but she has always been a person who wants to hear the good news but has no interest in the bad news. Like she will ask me every time I see her if I'm pregnant yet, but has never once asked me how I was dealing with the loss or the infertility. I just really don't think she has taken a second to think about how hard all of this really is because she is so busy waiting to be excited about it when it does happen. So I know she is not really trying to be insensitive, but sometimes I feel like she doesn't deserve to feel happy about the good news if she's not willing to be there during the bad times. LOL you got a novel Bottom line... mother-daughter relationships are complicated

And my u/s is Wednesday afternoon.... I'm hoping so much that I'm still going to O early on the Femara.

[tobi4]

You are right, she should be more involved with the bad, right along with the good!

Wednesday, I cant wait to hear!!!!!! And will you be temping this cycle? hmmmm hmmmm?

[ohnicole]

I'm starting temping tomorrow, I swear Not all cycle, though, just till around when I get crosshairs.

[tobi4]

Oh Nicole, you are torturing me!

[ohnicole]

Mwahahahaha

[Pame£a]

No torturing allowed.

I'm so sorry you were hurt. I was thinking the same thing Tobi was until your response. You know her best and it's ashame she won't accept the bad with the good.

Hugs hun

[j&jmom]

I'm sorry . . . my family drinks a lot of wine at family events and lately I haven't been drinking any alcohol so my family is always asking me if I'm pg and teasing me about it. It really bothers me because I'd love to be pg and this just keeps reminding me that I'm not. It's really hard when your family hurts you. HUGS

[ashj_1218]

Yeah, I think that Tobi has it spot-on. I am sure she was *trying* (and failing incredibly) to let you know that she was excited, thinking you got what you wanted and hoping to hear good news soon.

But let me just say...it is always the ones closest to you that hurt the most with their "stupidity leaks." My whole family knew about my first miscarriage in July this year (but none others) and I can not tell you how many times they make the most ridiculous comments about "oh, when are you gonna get on this and make another" or "I bet you are going to get pregnant as soon as you try." They just are stupid, not knowing how to address it tactfully or not at all. And I think that if most people would just keep their comments about such things to themselves, it would be so much easier!!

Sorry it made your Christmas harder and that you had to deal with that.

[MeganMomof5]

I'm really sorry nicole...Sometimes I think people need to learn when to stick their foot in their mouths...If only it was okay to slap people sometimes (((hugs))) GL at your ultrasound and I hope you have an early O!!!!