[msshamis23]

Hi ladies, I haven't been around as much as I normally have been. December has kind of been a crappy month. I pretty much gave up on charting, and ttc this cycle. What with being in the hospital, and twice a day iv antibiotics it's been hard. Plus I figured, my body had enough going on with it--I didn't need to add to the stress by implanting (or trying to, anyway) a baby in there too. I don't even really know where i'm at in my cycle. I think i'm around CD 45. My last one was 50. Though around Dec 20th I did have some light pink spotting for a day and a half. I don't even know if that was AF or not. (We had DTD around the 16th of Dec though. That's pretty much all we've done this cycle) But i'm not sure what to expect, because with everything that has been going on--I wouldn't be surprised if my body is out of wack, and that makes it all the more confusing.

Now i'm back to my regular schedule. I stopped the IV antibiotics on the 27th, and tried to make the most out of the holidays. (What with the rising river in my backyard too, which now it's not back to normal, but out of worry height. We just have to continue to keep an eye on it, since we are still supposed to get more storms)

The new year is supposed to bring new beginnings, and mindsets--but I seem to be stuck in my old rut. I'm also trying to plan for DD's birthday, and I keep thinking about her birthday last year, how my ex and his gf (DD's, dad) announced their pregnancy. Then I keep lingering on the fact that, I was supposed to have another LO with me right now too.

Why, when on the time i'm supposed to start anew, I keep focusing on the past? I've tried to shake it, but I can't.

[missy123]

Hey Amy,

It is hard to focus on the future sometimes when our hearts and minds are hurting so much from our loss(es).

Why are you in the hospital? I must have missed it. I hope you are ok. ((Hugs))

[ohnicole]

Amy, I'm sorry TTCAL is hard enough without all kinds of other crap in our lives piling up on us. I don't really have any advice on how to get out of your funk (since I seem to constantly be feeling the same way) but just know that you are not alone in feeling this way. The whole thing just SUCKS. I hope you get AF soon so you can start a fresh cycle for the new year

[tobi4]

im sorry Amy. I can feel how distraught and lonely you are feeling now. I wish I could do something to help. TTC is so hard, but honey, I know that distance from the boards is necessary sometimes but if you are feeling alone, maybe you need to come back more often? There are a lot of us here who care about you, and miss you.

[MeganMomof5]

((((hugs)))) I wish I knew something to say to help you feel better, but I don't ...I understand the funk, I too have been feeling that way...I hope things get better for you soon Amy...I also hope that you and the rest of us have a great year in 2011.

[Halfbaked]

I wish I were down there and could give you a real hug. You've been through a lot of crap lately. Things just have to turn around for you in the new year. I hope your body figures things out soon. Hang in there and vent away here all you need to. We all understand.

[ashj_1218]

I too am trying to figure out how to be positive and how to look toward the future when the past is like a monkey on my back. If you figure out how to do it, CLUE ME IN! It just sucks. And you had all that added junk to deal with in December. I imagine that you are pretty exhausted right now. And I know I tend to compound stress when I am more tired, so I bet that is going on as well. Just keep plugging along and hopefully you will feel more positive in time. So far, waiting til a better day-week-month is the only thing that works for me.

[luvmykids623]

I wish I could give you a great big hug and take your pain away. I agree with Nicole. It's so hard to get into a better mindset when you're dealing with so much. I can't tell you how to get out of the funk you're in, because I haven't been able to figure it out myself. I find that taking it day by day is sometimes too much, so I'm trying to do it moment by moment, because sometimes that's the best we can do.

[msshamis23]

Thanks ladies. You always seem to know the right things to say. (and Tobi, you may be right about coming around more often)

Missy- I was bitten by a hobo spider, at the beginning of the month, which caused a four day hospitalization, and iv antibiotics twice a day for three and a half weeks.

Since the holiday craziness is over with, I'm going to keep trekking on (it helps a lot that I got a programmable coffee maker for Christmas lol) and just wait it out for AF

And I promise i'll be around more often!

[ohnicole]

Originally Posted by msshamis23

And I promise i'll be around more often!

Yay!