[Erin84]

I know I'm kind of putting the horse before the cart here and all, but it's something that's been on my mind a while.

Do I want to go with a natural birth and midwives again? Because that's what I believe in in most cases, but since that's the route I went last time, I'm scared of it now.

Do I want to go to a hospital? That's what I'm *really* scared of. Sounds strange maybe, but I'm a proponent of "Let my body do what it's designed to do," and I don't want to feel like I'm being rushed. But I do want to be monitored.

My midwife from last time told me that I could probably pretty easily find someone to take me on and consider me high risk considering my background with Drew, even though I'm not actually high risk, but will be in a more fragile state of mind.

Do I want the extra testing as reassurance? Do I want a drug-free birth? Do I want a heart-rate monitor attached the whole time (because the heart-rate drops were what alerted us to a problem last time).

Last time I didn't use drugs, labored for 15 hours with about 10 hours of back labor -- which HURT and I DON'T want to do that again -- and by the time it became a crisis my adrenaline was pumping so hard that pushing him out literally didn't hurt at all. And I know that's not normal, and now I'm scared of the mystery, not knowing just how bad it has the potential to hurt. Even as I was pushing, I was thinking, "This is hard and exhausting, but it doesn't hurt at all. How strange." I've read my medical records, they didn't give me any sort of drugs until after he was already out. Then they drugged me hard.

I guess the options I have it narrowed down to are:

1. Midwife in a birth center that's contained in a hospital -- not a freestanding one. I still believe in them, I'm just too scared to go that route again, even though that fear is irrational. The center at the hospital has tubs you can labor in, but you can't have a waterbirth. Water is awesome for pain management, I'm scared to have a baby drug-free on dry land

2. Doctor who will treat me as high-risk so I get those constant reassurances.

3. Doctor who will work with me to pick & choose what sort of high-risk treatment would work best in my situation. "My situation," likely and hopefully, being a perfectly normal pregnancy with a mom who's just scared.

I like the idea of the birth center because if I want, I can labor there for a while and then hopefully time it right so I can wander down the hall to L & D and get an epidural if I decide I want one. They also do IV pain management at the birth center, so that's an option as well.

If I go the birth center route, I can't do high-risk monitoring. But if I go with a doc, I can't labor in a tub, which is SO nice... *sigh*

DH says that we can do anything that would make me comfortable, he's being very understanding of this thing, just leaving it all up to me. I just can't stop thinking about it.

Sorry for rambling on so long, I'm just in my head a lot these days. If you made it through all of that... Wow. Thank you.

[MeganMomof5]

Good luck with whatever you choose to do...It's hard, especially after a loss...I know that after I lost Ella, I was a mess, and I liked the extra care and reassurance that my doctor was willing to give me...Obviously I didn't make it that far into my pregnancy, but I hope that when/if I ever get another chance to be pregnant that i'll get that again.

[ohnicole]

Can you spend some time shopping around doctors and see if you can find one with a philosophy you like? That way you can sort of gather some information and maybe something will tip you one way or the other? It sounds like a really hard decision to make-

[NutMeg76]

I have decided to have a homebirth with a traveling midwife for my next birth. My loss was much earlier than yours though, so I am not sure how I would feel in your shoes.

Do you feel like your midwives were at fault with your loss?

I have had 3 unmedicated births, and for me the pushing didn't hurt with any of them. I labored in the hospital with all of them, no water available. If you have done it once, you can do it again, especially if you had back labor last time.

If you do everything possible to ensure the baby is in the optimal position before labor it will reduce the chance of back labor.

[Erin84]

Megan, I'm glad you know what you want and what you find reassuring. I hope I can get there, too. I'm just lost right now.

Nicole, I can, but not many doctors take my insurance. Doctors that work in a hospital will, but doctors with their own private practice for the most part won't, if they're any good.

Meghan, My midwife was definitely not responsible, and I don't have any misplaced anger or blame toward her. I got a Level I ultrasound, which wouldn't identify the VCI or the VP. There were no indicators from the Level I that would point toward me needing anything more. No bilobed placenta, no placenta previa, nothing. There was no bleeding during my pregnancy, I didn't smoke, drink, or do drugs, and he was a single baby. The midwife and her assistant did exactly what we discussed and agreed to during my labor, and when things went south, they took care of Drew and me and called an ambulance for transport. Susan stayed with me until late in the evening, until family was present to take care of both Zach and me. My midwife is amazing, and I love her with all my heart.

I didn't have back labor in the beginning, it started a few hours in, so I'm wondering what happened. Susan gave me exercises and positions to do once he got positioned that way and nothing moved him. I'm curious if maybe it was because of the vasa previa not allowing his head to properly grind into my cervix, so he got diverted into my back. Not sure.

I'll have to look at some of the things to help ensure he doesn't do that next time. The only thing I really knew was how not to sit during the last few weeks of the pregnancy. I guess I didn't realize there was more to it.

[lindsey2000k]

I totally understand where you are coming from in a way. I had a very trematic birth with Madison and never want that again. Because of it I even said NO MORE BABY'S, but I got my opps this summer and of course I got baby fever. Anyway I was never given any options I was told if I want my DR to deliver then I need to be induced 5 days early because he was going out of town and I hated all the other DR's on the practice(in reality he just wanted the $$$ for catching). We never had any birth plan or anything but I did not know any different. So because of the pitosin I got an epidural, because of the Pit you have a really hard labor but can not feel it because of the epi. When it was time to push they had me so knub I could not even help push they have to hold my legs and just had me curl up for contractions and try to push. After 2 hours of being on my back, pit & epi, Her heart rate started to drop. So then the DR told me I had to have an episiotomy (That was almost as bad to me as a Csection and wanted to avoid it at all cost) and they used the vacumme to get her out.
Then after all that and extreme pain from being cut from hole to hole. I had extra side effects from the Epi and could not pee so they had to come in a cath me every so many hours until I was able to pee again. On top of all the the Nurses were horrible. I stayed alone and if I called for them it would take an hour to get any help. Then I finally fell alseep the last night and got yelled at for sleeping with the baby in my room (I refused to send her to the nursery).
So when I got pregnant this last time I got into a midwife office that did delivery's at a different hospital and they had a regualr matternity ward and birth center in the hospital.
Now I am really wanting a home birth (maybe) I just hope I can handle the pain because even though I did give birth once I really did not get to because of all the medical intervention for no reason.

WOW sorry for my rant..lol

I want a home birth but they are hard to find... So I will have to call around and see if I can find someone.

I highly recomend everyone to see "The Business of Being Born" by Ricky Lake.

[NutMeg76]

Erin, I have had a lot more time to process my loss, so knowing what I want is understandable.

Just keep working through your emotions and see what it is you really want.

[zkat]

Erin - I think right now is the best time to think about this. You may have to interview several doctors in order to find one that is willing to work with you on your wishes and keep your best interest in mind.

I understand how you are torn. I dealt with the same conflicting emotions with Bourne's birth. I truly wanted a natural, med free/intervention free birth, but I am very high risk and it just wasn't an option for me without putting me and him in jeopardy. Once I was able to process that it really was the best for both of us, I am glad I went the c-section route.

At the end of the day, you and your husband are the ones that have to be comfortable with your delivery. There are some hospitals out there that can give you the pro-family/med free options you desire, but still leave the option of medical intervention if necessary. The one I delivered at was pro family - DH gave Bourne his bath and was holding him within 15 min. of his birth. I was holding/breast feeding him within an hour of his birth (I was under general anestethia). He roomed in with us and only went to the nursery for is vital sign and weight checks each night - he was gone about 15 min. total. We did not get the hep b vaccine or circimcise and none of the nurses batted an eye at our decision.

I hope you can find a dr. that will be able to give you the peace of mind you need, with the birth that you desire.

Kat.

[Erin84]

So this is going to sound really silly, but...

If I find a hospital whose philosophy I like -- because something I do know is that I want to be in a hospital next time, whether it's L & D or a birth center inside the hospital -- do I just call and schedule appointments to talk to the doctors on staff? That seems less intimidating to me than shopping around town trying to find an OB who 1) I like, and 2) accepts my insurance.

[NutMeg76]

~ Welcome to BFHI ~


Find a hospital from here that is close to your home. Then look at doctors that are affiliated with that hospital, then see if they accept your insurance, THEN make an appointment to meet them

If your location on JM is still accurate, this facilty is close to you. And has an in-network birth center, that is very close to the hospital. I am guessing that means you still use the same docs.



Maternity Care: Birthing Facilities at UC San Diego Medical Center

Oh, they do have an in-hospital birth center too!

UCSD BIRTH CENTER

A Place More Like Home...
The Birth Center at UCSD Medical Center offers a safe and relaxed alternative to the conventional hospital birthing environment. The only place of its kind in San Diego, the Birth Center enables you to have a natural birth experience -- with minimal medical intervention -- within a hospital setting. Here, we support the personal experience desired by many women, with care provided by a nationally recognized team of Certified Nurse Midwives. Facilities include four spacious birthing suites with double and queen size beds and rocking chairs, and tubs.
You'll have a variety of choices to help you give birth with little or no pain medication, with techniques including hydrotherapy (water tub or shower), birthing balls and stools, massage, walking, breathing and more. If necessary, the option of transferring to the Medical Center's Labor & Delivery unit for anesthesia, epidural or more intensive medical care is also available. Most importantly, unlike home you are just minutes away from the latest technology and state-of-the-art obstetrical/neonatal units, should they be needed. Because the Birth Center is located within our hospital, patients have true peace of mind knowing advanced medical care is available immediately -- for mother, baby or both.

[lindsey2000k]

Maybe if you find a hospital you like go in and talk to the nurses and see what DR they like and recomend.

[zkat]

Originally Posted by lindsey2000k

Maybe if you find a hospital you like go in and talk to the nurses and see what DR they like and recomend.

The L&D nurses will usuallybe very honest on their opinion of Dr. I know mine were - lucily they all love my dr. and most saw herbor hadfamily that saw her

[missy123]

I had Kyle 15 years ago so I am sure so much has changed since then but I really wanted a med free birth with Kyle as with my older 2 I had hard labors (30+hrs) with tons of monitoring and demoral as a pain medicine which just made me throw up during the whole labors.

I had him in a hospital but did not have any meds, not even an IV! I layed in the bed a lot as that is what I wanted at that moment. But our plan was there was no plan, we would go with whatever I was feeling at the time. And by the time I was begging for pain meds I was already 9cm dialated and almost ready to push. It was a great labor because it was how I wanted it, not how others were telling me it should be.

I say go and check out every place that takes your insurance and go with whatever option that makes you most comfortable. You are smart thinking ahead.

[Erin84]

Meghan, that was where I was thinking about going. We were at the same hospital when Drew was in the NICU and I was SO impressed with everyone I met. We were walking down the hall and saw a sign for the in-hospital birthing center and right then I felt like that might be our next move in the future. I did a little exploring and saw that they have a "Meet the Midwives" event scheduled for the end of this month. I might go to that... Talk to them about what we could do in my situation.

Lindsey and Kat, that's actually a really great idea. If I go the doctor route instead of with a midwife again, this time in a hospital, then I'll definitely do that. And here I am wanting to BE a nurse and I didn't even think to talk to the nurses. SHEESH.

Missy, I was throwing up too, and I can't blame it on meds or anything else. Just my silly body. Usually about once an hour, but they didn't IV me because they saw that I was drinking a ton of water to make up for it. When you got to the pushing stage, what was the pain like compared to the pain you felt that made you want meds? Also, I'm so sorry for everything that's happened with this last little bean It still hurts my heart.

[NutMeg76]

I think if I could have midwives in a birthing center like that I would be happy! You could always use the midwives and then have a consult with an MD to make sure everything is okay, extra US, level II for a better view of everything, etc.

[TnPhotoMama81]

I hope you figure out something that you are comfortable with. Now is the best time to "shop around".

If it were me I would probably want the extra monitoring, just in case.

That is neat that they have a birthing center attached to a hospital though!

[missy123]

Originally Posted by Erin84

Missy, I was throwing up too, and I can't blame it on meds or anything else. Just my silly body. Usually about once an hour, but they didn't IV me because they saw that I was drinking a ton of water to make up for it. When you got to the pushing stage, what was the pain like compared to the pain you felt that made you want meds? Also, I'm so sorry for everything that's happened with this last little bean It still hurts my heart.

It really wasn't that the pain changed at all, it was more like "wow, I am 9cm already, I can do this!" So it was the Adrenalin of knowing my baby was coming really soon that got me through the rest of the labor. Plus, I had such an awesome, encouraging midwife. She was more of a cheerleader than a medical professional. At one point I asked her if she had pom poms stashed away somewhere. Don't get me wrong, it was the most miserable, horrible pain ever but the experience of the midwife vs. doctor delivery with the reassurance of being in the hospital "just in case" was pretty cool.

Thanks, please don't let it hurt your heart honey. I don't want anyone sad for me. I have a really, really, really, really awesome supportive husband and some darn good friends that help keep me sane. Plus all you JM girls. I would have to say I am super lucky. If you could all pray that AF starts and I don't have to have a D&E or any surgery that would be appreciated!

[Erin84]

Originally Posted by TnPhotoMama81

That is neat that they have a birthing center attached to a hospital though!

Probably just what I'm looking for. Like I mentioned before, when I saw the signs... It just felt right. I'm just scared of not being able to actually birth in the tub!

Originally Posted by missy123

If you could all pray that AF starts and I don't have to have a D&E or any surgery that would be appreciated!

DONE.