[*SamF*]

wow that's a long title.

Anyway, both of DS's daycare teachers announced (or actually the director announced) their pregnancies. He was talking to one of them yesterday when he was picking up DS. He asked how far along she was, one is 8 weeks the other is 9 weeks. Both of these girls are young, healthy and their first ever pregnancies.

He the goes into talking to her about how it's early, and god forbid if anything happens, that we have been through it and the director (a family friend) also has.

I could have smacked him! These poor girls do not need to have their first pregnancy everything is wonderful bliss messed with! Just because we have had losses doesn't mean they will. But he goes into 'teacher' mode and wants to give them information and I want to duck tape his mouth shut.

[missy123]

Oh wow Sam. I guess I would want to duct tape my DH's mouth shut too but at the same time it is kind of cool that he spoke up like that. Only because he is recognizing your angel babies instead of treating loss like a taboo subject (which most men do). Maybe his way of openly discussing his own hurt?

[ashj_1218]

I have to say, I am impressed with his knowledge and willingness to share it. My husband would NEVER speak up like that and even though you are frustrated with it and maybe a little shocked, I also think it is a good thing that he is so open with people about the reality of loss. If more people were like that, it would not be so awkward to speak about.

If it were me in that situation, I would just tell your hubby that it is not helpful (from a worrying mother standpoint) to discuss the possibility of loss. Maybe come at it from "If we were pregnant again, we would want everyone to be thinking the best, not the worst." That is a tough situation. But I do understand you not wanting him to tramp down their dreams.

Although I do have to say, even though people mentioned that to me with Liam (I told people I was pregnant with him immediately after peeing on the stick!), it never actually made me more fearful or made me think it would happen to me. Saying that to people who have never experienced a loss is a little different than saying it to those who have. If you know what I mean. They won't take it nearly as hard as if they had experienced a loss.

[.:Shortcake:.]

I agree with Missy. I know my DH would never openly talk about it only because his way of dealing with pain is to hold it inside.

[Erin84]

Oof. That's rough. But it so obviously comes from a place of love, and it's really sweet. Like Ashlee said, maybe discussing it from a standpoint of "When we get pregnant again..." And I think every mom knows the first trimester has the potential to go awry, but even with that knowledge, there's still sort of an "It probably won't happen to me" attitude that combats any perceived negativity. I can totally see how it would be frustrating to you, but at the same time, I think your husband is an absolute doll for being so open and available to these women

[Servilia]

I would be a little mortified too.. I'm sure his intentions were great but really it's not helpful to bring up miscarriages to any pregnant woman. I was aware that miscarriages happen to people but would not have been happy if someone said that to me. My attitude is when it comes to someone else who's pregnant is to act like you expect the best and don't let on that you even consider miscarriage a possibility for that person - I mean, if the woman brings it up then don't deny the possibility and go ahead and share your experience if you're comfortable with that but I wouldn't bring it up first. I don't know that's just me. But like I said it's obvious he meant well but in some situations it's good to keep your thoughts to yourself.

[Lex&angels]

I'm probably in an ugly place like now but I actually don't see anything too wrong with what he did. It's not like it's a "curse" or a "jinx". And they're in happy pregnant la-la land. They probably didn't even register it.