those of you who have been to a DDC before....

lindsey2000k · #1 January 9th, 2011, 06:28 PM

Did you feel like you belong?

I just started poking around today and already annoyed. These ladies act the the whole world is sunshine and nothing bad will ever happen to them. Then some of them are giving advice like they are DR's and they are giving the wrong advice and really have no clue what they are talking about.
I just have a feeling I am not going to get along well over there..lol

With my daughter the DDC I joined was nothing but ladies who are pregnant after loss so I think that might be why it feels so different.

I wish they were as welcoming as you ladies were.

Erin84 · #2 January 9th, 2011, 06:35 PM

I LOVED my DDC that's now a PR. I was with them for so long, and a lot of us were together the whole time. We grew really close, I'd say I probably have about 40 of them on my Facebook. I still lurk there sometimes and read the posts I have the heart for.

zkat · #3 January 9th, 2011, 06:36 PM

I really feel like the Dec. DDC was welcoming and I belonged there, BUT our own Marti is the co-host and there were about 5 active members from this board there.

I am sorry you don't feel so welcome there. The first trimester is really hard to be in a DDC. Have you been over the Pregnant after a loss? It is not as busy as a DDC, but I promise you - every women there understands your fears.

Kat.

Mel1979 · #4 January 9th, 2011, 07:11 PM

I felt exactly like that with my DDC. The ladies all seemed very nice and welcoming but they started talking about wanting/trying for specific genders and all I wanted was a healthy baby! I have to say I really didn't post there at all during my pregnancy, I stayed with the pregnancy after loss board as the ladies were wonderful and totally understand our fears and anxiety. I tend to visit the PR more now for advice and just to see what everyone else's babies are doing.

So I totally understand but can highly recommend the PAL board!

missy123 · #5 January 9th, 2011, 07:47 PM

Mel!! Hi! I think about you from time to time. Nice to see you here

Lindsey - After a loss it is hard to get all giddy and excited when we find out we are pregnant because we know a chance exists that we could lose the pregnancy. Most of the girls in the DDC's are carefree and are enjoying their time being pregnant... all like it should be. Where we are scared and afraid and have all of these worries and fears. ((Hugs)) I hope as time goes on you will be able to bond with some of the girls there and be able to have fun.

shen7 · #6 January 9th, 2011, 07:49 PM

I can also plug PAL

It is slow, but I try to check it regularly and do my part to make it more active - join us!

I will say that nothing replaces the sense of community and support that TTCAL offers. This is a wonderful board. I think PAL could be like TTCAL since it is so caring and supportive, and full of TTCAL grads, but it can't be the same because it is so slow. The DDCs are super active and engaging, but often zoo-like, at least mine is right now.

MeganMomof5 · #7 January 9th, 2011, 08:15 PM

I've been lucky, the ddc's I was a member of, were all pretty good! I do know, from lurking when i'm bored that some DDC's I think are more annoying than others...I hope when i'm pregnant again, I get to join a good ddc full of great woman!!!

StaceygirlPa · #8 January 10th, 2011, 03:22 AM

I liked the March DDC group. I really didn't get a chance to stay in the August DDC group. If I would have I am sure I would have liked it there because so many of us are over in August. I think I am going to wait until I join another DDC group to make sure everything is ok.

mom2moose · #9 January 10th, 2011, 04:46 AM

I believe we're in the same DDC (September??). I want to pretend that this might be sunshine and roses. I realize I miscarried already this year, and that it could very well happen again. But for me, maybe if I "pretend" to be normal and not worried, it will become a reality??

Probably sounds dumb. But I just want to be excited and looking towards a future, not terrified of losing what I have, if that makes any sense!

BeccaM · #10 January 10th, 2011, 04:58 AM

You may never find a board like TTCAL. We relate to each other on such a different level and very understanding of ones needs and fears. My first time pregnant I thought the world was full of sunshine and nothing could happen to me. I never would have thought I would be one to have a m/c but I did. Alot of ladies that havent been through it will think that way. There are ladies in my DDC that have not experienced a loss but are still very supporative of those that have or have fears. Give your ladies in the DDC a chance.

onedaysoon · #11 January 10th, 2011, 05:22 AM

I was a regular at the October 09 DDC (now a PR), and it was welcoming but the board had some issues (what kind I'm not sure since I was MIA) and afterwards I didn't feel as welcome when I came back, so I didn't continue.

The June DDC was great, while I was there. They welcomed me to stay, but I couldn't bear it and I found the support I needed on the Pregnancy Loss board and now here.

lindsey2000k · #12 January 10th, 2011, 05:25 AM

Ok this is what I am getting all worked up about.
A couple girls are posting about bright red blood and cramping. So they are asking what to do because they have never been pregnant or never bleed before while pregnant. A couple of the girls are telling then not to worry that is very normal and no need to rush to your DR. OMG I am getting so mad why are they telling them this? Are they a DR how can you tell someone that is bleeding while pregnant not to worry and not to go to the DR right away?

I think I am taking that personaly because I was bleeding with my first and was told that it is normal as long as you are not cramping... I lost the baby a little over a week later... no cramping!

I am trying to not scare anyone but I am going behind all these people and telling these ladies that are bleeding to go to the DR asap... why risk it?

Another one is complaining because her friend told her she should not yell to the world she is pregnant until after 12 weeks for fear of miscarriage. And told her miscarriage is more common than you think. So she is all mad at her friend because she thinks miscarriage is not very common. My opinon: her friend was just trying to help.

Anyway I hope a couple more of you ladies can join me over there I feel really alone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mom2moose

I believe we're in the same DDC (September??). I want to pretend that this might be sunshine and roses. I realize I miscarried already this year, and that it could very well happen again. But for me, maybe if I "pretend" to be normal and not worried, it will become a reality??

Probably sounds dumb. But I just want to be excited and looking towards a future, not terrified of losing what I have, if that makes any sense!

Yes I am trying really hard to keep my head up about this pregnancy too. I have already been talking with DH about when we should move DD to the other room and stuff.
But have you not seen the people telling the ladies that are bleeding that it is normal and not to worry?

.:Shortcake:. · #13 January 10th, 2011, 05:31 AM

I haven't posted all on on the DDC's. I have lurked when I've gotten pg but I just don't want to introduce myself and then leave. It's just too hard. Hugs! I hope eventually you feel more comfortable there.

mom2moose · #14 January 10th, 2011, 05:32 AM

I've seen that. And the only thing we can do, is offer "better" advice. I feel you should know that if you're bleeding, you should call the doc. Regardless of past m/c's or not, ya know? But maybe they just don't know or understand. Some people just want to be reassured, not actually given the truth. LOL Just because I'm not that person, doesn't mean I don't understand.

I'm just going to try to go with the flow. I think the DDC will get better as we progress and get to know eachother better.

onedaysoon · #15 January 10th, 2011, 05:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lindsey2000k

Ok this is what I am getting all worked up about.
A couple girls are posting about bright red blood and cramping. So they are asking what to do because they have never been pregnant or never bleed before while pregnant. A couple of the girls are telling then not to worry that is very normal and no need to rush to your DR. OMG I am getting so mad why are they telling them this? Are they a DR how can you tell someone that is bleeding while pregnant not to worry and not to go to the DR right away?

But have you not seen the people telling the ladies that are bleeding that it is normal and not to worry?

I remember this in my first DDC with DD and even then I didn't think it was normal. As soon as I had any bleeding I rushed to the hospital. (Actually, I was really po'd cause I called the nurse at my OBs office and SHE said not to worry either...that it's normal before 12 weeks, and that night I was in ER hemorrhaging.)

Shadeauxe · #16 January 10th, 2011, 06:37 AM

I was in the July DDC. They were fairly nice. A lot of times the wanted people to pray for them for stupid things, like going to the dentist.

I do agree that the medical advice was ridiculous. My response was always "Call your doctor, that's why they're there.". This was before I had a loss. It's just common sense.

dreamer10 · #17 January 10th, 2011, 07:10 AM

DDC's are very interesting. I have now been a part of five of them. Now, maybe my perception is scewed because I never got to go through an entire pregnancy with them, but they can be kind of screwy. I loved one of them a lot...the ladies were mature and informed. But then I had one where I was so disappointed in the ladies there. There were regular posts about how horrible doctors were, and how they were quacks and that midwives were the only smart people out there that knew how to take care of pregnant women...and it went on and on. I had to put in my two cents worth here and there and it got very heated. I ended up not posting anymore becasue it seemed like they were very judgmental as opposed to trying to adopt the "live and let live" attitude. That ddc was ruined for me after that. No more....but the one I am currently in does not seem to have that kind of thing going on. I think it might just be certain people with certain personality types...ya know? I mean...there are somtimes hundreds of women in a club and with that many women there are just as many different opinions.

PAL is a good board with ladies that are understanding and compasionate. They get how sometimes the little things are trivial when it comes to the big things. Hang in there and give your club a chance...you might like it, you might not...but there is still a place for you on JM somewhere....there is a place for everyone here...

missy123 · #18 January 10th, 2011, 07:45 AM

Dang Julie... You always know what to say and how to say it. Bravo!

shen7 · #19 January 10th, 2011, 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lindsey2000k

Ok this is what I am getting all worked up about.
A couple girls are posting about bright red blood and cramping. So they are asking what to do because they have never been pregnant or never bleed before while pregnant. A couple of the girls are telling then not to worry that is very normal and no need to rush to your DR. OMG I am getting so mad why are they telling them this? Are they a DR how can you tell someone that is bleeding while pregnant not to worry and not to go to the DR right away?

I think I am taking that personaly because I was bleeding with my first and was told that it is normal as long as you are not cramping... I lost the baby a little over a week later... no cramping!

I am trying to not scare anyone but I am going behind all these people and telling these ladies that are bleeding to go to the DR asap... why risk it?

......

But have you not seen the people telling the ladies that are bleeding that it is normal and not to worry?

So to be honest (IF it is JUST a little blood), I am in the camp of "wait and see, call your doctor, but don't go to the ER or anything"... that is because, if it is a m/c, there is nothing anyone can do at that point, it is going to happen. The advice I always gave in my DDC was: "It's up to you, you should go to the ER if you are very agitated and need to know what is happening right away, or if the bleeding is super heavy, or if you have searing abdominal pains" (hemorrhaging or ectopic symptoms) "BUT if it is just a little red with no or light cramps, I would wait it out, it could be nothing or it could be a m/c, time will tell and there's nothing they can do to fix a m/c if that is what's happening. Either way you should definitely call your doctor." And again, this is in the case of early 1st tri bleeding, like <8 wks.

I would never tell someone, "it's NORMAL." Bleeding is always serious and about 50% of the time, it does mean the worst (according to stats I've seen on 1st tri bleeding). About 10-20% of normal pregnancies that go to term involve some early bleeding. Then again, plenty of losses happen with no signs at all, or only very subtle signs like a tiny bit of brown spotting.

Anyway, HTH a little... and don't be afraid to disagree with folks in your DDC who are wrong... there may be a lot of ladies like you who disagree too but want someone else to make the first post about it...

lindsey2000k · #20 January 10th, 2011, 08:12 AM

Thanks ladies. I did poke my head in the PAL group.
That might suit me better because I am experiancing pregnancy different that the DDC girls are. They wont understand why I am posting beta's every 2-3 days or why I am going to have so many ultra sounds. It is nice to be in a group who understand why we are having blood drawn so much and being so over cautious.

The other board I belonged to was so nice because everyone on the whole board was were all people who had a loss. But that board fizzled out since I was on last only 2-3 people ever.