Issues with DH (vent)

Toots216 · #1 January 10th, 2011, 07:31 AM

OK, so ever since I've known DH, he is always "in the mood", even since we started TTC last March/April. Never an issue. Since the beginning of December (basically since my last loss), we have been preventing TTC on doctor's orders bc I am having a bunch of testing done for my losses, and I can count on one hand how many times we've BD'ed, or even just fooled around. Normal for us in the past would usually be 3 or 4 times a week, sometimes even every day! Now it just seems like he has lost total interest in me, and I'm starting to get really upset about it. I've tried asking him if something is wrong, and he always tells me he's "fine" or "great". He's not really one to talk about his feelings, but I'm not a mind reader!

At first, I thought he was holding back bc of the loss, and he knew that the last time we had to wait two weeks to BD again, but it's been almost 6 weeks!

Anyone ever gone through this or have any advice? It sucks. Maybe I'm hormonal and paranoid, but something definitely seems off. Grrr.

LindseyE117 · #2 January 10th, 2011, 07:38 AM

If there is a sudden change in his mood, I would say something is wrong. I hate it when men hold back talking to us. They don't realize not opening up causes more problems then actually preventing them.

If it was me, I would confront him and not leave until I get an answer. Then again, I am really aggressive and my DH knows this. He also knows I will not stop until I get my way (unless it is something bad or something he is strongly against), so he usually caves and talks to me.

If it is bothering you so much, let him know you are upset and need an answer.

missy123 · #3 January 10th, 2011, 07:39 AM

I do not have any advice as my DH is really into psychology and is one to talk about everything. I just wanted to send you a hug and I hope you get it worked out sweetie.

MeganMomof5 · #4 January 10th, 2011, 07:55 AM

Maybe he's just holding back because he doesn't want anything to happen before you get your testing done? When we were waiting for my tests, I don't think we fooled around as much, I think my DH was just being more careful...I'm sorry, I hope things go back to normal soon

Toots216 · #5 January 10th, 2011, 08:27 AM

Thanks girls - I have no idea what is going on. His personality is such that he doesn't talk about things or really show emotion when something is bothering him (I've talked to him about it before, how he doesn't really get excited about anything, everything is always "pretty good", "fine", etc.). Me continuously asking him "What's wrong?" only makes it worse.

Example: both times I've told him I was pg, he didn't really react or ask any questions. Just "Are you sure?". Even with the losses, he was very unemotional, saying the dreaded "Well I guess it wasn't meant to be this time." Which is fine if that is his personality, I accepted that a long time ago and know that is just how he is, but it is the lack of intimacy that is really bothering me. I guess I will just give it some time and see what happens. Thanks for listening.

AZsnowflake · #6 January 10th, 2011, 08:55 AM

so sorry, if it is a sudden change I would say maybe try to get him to open up to you. My DH is kinda closed off too but I notice that if I keep pushing (nicely) he will talk little bits and it does help him.

.:Shortcake:. · #7 January 10th, 2011, 08:59 AM

HUGS! Maybe sit down and talk to him about it. It might be that he doesn't want to for fear that you will get pregnant and have another loss before all the testing is done. I know my DH does not talk about his feelings. I have to actually make him to find anything out about how he is feeling.

Shadeauxe · #8 January 10th, 2011, 09:10 AM

[...]

Shadeauxe · #9 January 10th, 2011, 10:34 AM

Removing my post because I don't want to be the reason this thread stops getting responses.

missy123 · #10 January 10th, 2011, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadeauxe

Removing my post because I don't want to be the reason this thread stops getting responses.

??? What could you possibly say for a thread to stop getting responses ???

Kristen - can you try to ask him leading questions that require a response other than fine and good? Like "Honey, do you feel strange about DTD while going through this testing? He cant respond good or fine, it is more a yes or no question. You may be able to understand how he is feeling that way.

SillyKitty · #11 January 10th, 2011, 06:55 PM

It sounds like he is either afraid to DTD when he knows you are supposed to be avoiding ttc, because he doesn't want you to get pregnant when you're supposed to be waiting, or he may actually be depressed about the losses himself. Or a combination of those things. Guys often lose their libido when they are depressed. I'm not sure how to get him to open up, but I'm pretty sure his lack of interest is not a lack of interest in you, but more about his own feelings that he isn't acknowledging.

StaceygirlPa · #12 January 11th, 2011, 03:30 AM

Kristen, I am sorry you are going through this. Dh doesn't like to let me in on what he is feeling all the time. I know with Dh if he is feeling a lot of stress we don't ttc as often. It takes a lot on my part to get what is really bothering him. When I told Dh that I was pregnant the two times he didn't really show emotion. The first time he showed more then this last one. After each loss I felt like sometimes I was going through the loss by myself. Then out of the blue on this last one he turns to me and says I just want you to happy and healthy to spend the rest of our lives together. I hope things get better for you. Hopefully he will come around for you.

Toots216 · #13 January 11th, 2011, 04:49 AM

Thanks girls, I really appreciate all of your support. Men are just different from women, lol. He seemed to be more like himself last night after work, so for now I'm just letting things be. Luckily there are not going to be any more doctor appts for a few more weeks, so hopefully the whole TTC/testing thing can just sit on the back burner for awhile.

The whole "not talking about it" thing seems to be big with his family. Example: when I had the first loss back in September, we had to tell his parents that day bc we needed their help driving my car from their house back to our house (I was in horrendous pain and couldn't drive, and both my car and DH's car were there). Afterwards, they (nor my brother- or sisters-in-law) never even acknowledged that it happened or ever even called me to see how I was doing. They all had known I was pg too - needless to say, we never told them about the pg/loss last month. I think it's a denial thing with them - if they don't talk about it, it never happened. Luckily DH isn't THAT extreme, and he's definitely supported me after my losses, but he NEVER wants to talk about it. I guess that's what my mom, BFFs, and JM are for....

j&jmom · #14 January 11th, 2011, 05:43 AM

It sounds to me like your husband may be more upset about it than you think. I'm sure that things will get better in time. HUGS!

Pitridge · #15 January 11th, 2011, 07:05 AM

Your Dh sounds very much like my DH. Talk to him, don't let him give you the ok, fine responses. IF there is something wrong you will get it out of him soon enough, it might be that he's just wanting for all the testing to be done.