[Jessica121706]

Is anyone else keeping it a secret from friends and family that you are ttc? I feel bad mainly cause I tell my mom and sister everything but I know if I do the whole family is going to know and I'll feel added pressure.

I am also thinking of keeping pregnancy (when it happens) a secret also until the first trimester screen. Thats when I started finding out something was wrong with peanut. I want to make sure everything is good to go before the announcement.

What is everyone else doing?

[MeganMomof5]

Yes I keep it a secret from everyone I know IRL...I'm pretty sure people know that we are trying though...I've had so many appointments and my mom knows that I got progesterone (but i'm not sure if she knows what it's exactly for), she also knows that I take a lot of vitamins and i'm always looking for something when we are out...I also got pregnant pretty quickly after each loss, so i'm pretty sure that right there tells them that we are trying...I have a hard time not letting it slip because I do tell my mom everything...She knows I want another baby though...I just don't like people knowing that me and DH DTD LOL

[Shadeauxe]

Most of my friends/family know about the miscarriage, so I doubt anyone doesn't know that we're TTC. They didn't know before the miscarriage though. Next time I get pregnant, I'll probably just tell everyone right away to get rid of the fear. For me, I feel like if I wait to tell people at a "safe" time, I'll always be second guessing when it's finally "safe" or I will jinx myself.

[missy123]

Originally Posted by Shadeauxe

Next time I get pregnant, I'll probably just tell everyone right away to get rid of the fear. For me, I feel like if I wait to tell people at a "safe" time, I'll always be second guessing when it's finally "safe" or I will jinx myself.

Love it! I feel pretty much the same way!

[Celena]

No the whole world doesn't know, but a few people close to us do... I mean shoot DH has used the beach themed siggy picture Katie (Shortcake) has made for me as his FB profile picture numerous times so I'm sure people have an idea

[ohnicole]

I'm sure most people know we are TTC, since they all knew about our pregnancy and loss. Luckily, no one ever asks about it except my mom and grandma. I actually talk to my mom sometimes about it, since she was constantly asking if I was pregnant, I eventually relented and told her about our fertility treatments. I think once we get pg, I'd like to do what we did before, which was wait to tell until we see the heartbeat... but I will kind of play it by ear.

[Cait&AngelAbove]

Our family knows. They all know about our loss and how much we want to have a baby.

[AZsnowflake]

I don't announce it to the world that we are TTC since I just don't think I need to be advertising it lol but my parents know and my close friends know and if anyone asked me I would tell them.

As for the pregnancy, with Alex I told everyone right away at 3 weeks when I got the BFP. With this last one, I felt off and had always heard(don't know if it's true) that miscarriage is more common with the second pregnancy and I was apprehensive so I told my close friends, and both sets of parents but didn't say anything to my FB, my local mommy forum, or my siblings. I was going to wait until 12 weeks but my mom convinced me when we saw the heartbeat and ok ultrasound (Was supposed to be 8 weeks but measured 6, which happened with Alex too so I didn't think anything of it) that obviously everything was ok so I told people then. I had already known for 4 weeks so it was hard for me to keep it a secret. And I don't regret sharing it either because it also allowed me to recieve support after our loss. I don't think it's wrong to keep it a secret and to be honest I'm not sure if I will keep our next BFP a secret or not because then I would sorta have to suffer alone and I don't think that's good, not for me anyways. I think that is also what makes miscarriages so hush hush is nobody talks about them and I think that conversation needs to be out there so people don't feel so alone. 1 in every 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage...that's A LOT but yet you never hear about them usually until you've gone through it yourself and then people "come out" to you about having their own. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here though, it's very personal.

[StaceygirlPa]

Only couple of close friends know we are trying. Only a very few new that we got pregnant both time. When we get pregnant again we are going to keep it to ourselves until we think we are out of the danger zone.

[PameŁa]

Jessica, we're in the same situation with both our last babies having T21. That is a huge worry with my mom becasue she is afraid of it happening again. We also have the same 1% chance of it happening again, but I am keeping faithful to God to see me through and I'm not really worried.

We didn't tell anybody we were trying again but just mentioning my follow up with the FMD and my mom freaked out, I mean crying hysterically and all that. She is happy with our news but you can still hear the worry and I just have to remind her that we chose to ttc and know the risks and this is a very joyous time for us and want her to feel the same. I just dont need extra worry.

You never said what area of Pittsburgh you're in....I used to live in the South Hills area.

[ashj_1218]

Only my parents, his parents, and an aunt (she watches Liam for appts) know we are having fertility issues and that we are in the process of trying to have another baby. I doubt I will tell others (except those folks) we are pregnant until well into the pregnancy. I would love to wait until 20 weeks or so.

With the first loss, we had only told those people listed above...and were planning on making a big announcement at our bi-annual family reunion. I found out the day we were supposed to leave that I lost the baby. I was a mess for the whole week and they all figured out why (either by me telling them or my mom). So I imagine it won't be a surprise that we are trying again/pregnant. But I don't want to broadcast all the issues we are having. Very few people know about the repeated loss part. Or the fertility testing part. I just don't want the pressure. Not that it stops the family from asking "when are you gonna get busy" or any other STUPID questions.

Yep ESPECIALLY from his family. His aunt lectured me about how three children is too many and she "thinks we have too many problems for our first year of marriage". He doesn't care but I do, my mom sort of knows we'll be trying IF we're trying...he's back to acting like he's not going to let me. *sigh*

They already flipped out that we didn't want them to know we were pregnant last time until later. They said we were "messed up" for not telling everyone. They found out from my Facebook.

[okiliz]

I think most know that we want another baby ASAP.. but we are not telling his family and most of mine or most of our friends.. I know when I find out I am I will tell the world though.. even if lifeis short it deserves to be celebrated , I think.... I mean I might wait till the heart beat.. but who knows... I think we will be so excited ... it will be hard to keep it in...

[SillyKitty]

Only a few very close friends know that we are even trying and that we've had losses. I haven't told my family at all except for my older dd, who found out after the second loss when she saw me crying. It is hard keeping it from my mom, but I don't want her to worry about me and I want her to be happy when we finally do get to the point that I'm sure we have a sticky baby.

[msshamis23]

No one knows we are TTC. I'm not quite sure why. I think mostly, I don't want the questions (Are you pregnant yet? Are you sure this is what you want? Yadda yadda. My family is famous for making me second guess myself.) Which kind of sucks, because I have no one to talk to really, about the whole fertility issue--except for you guys.

But like I said, it's easier and less stressful on me if they don't know.

[NsMommy]

With my last preg (chem), I only told my neighbor who also had a recent loss.
My sisters and mom know we are ttc but in laws might. They know of the first loss but I don't want to tell them outright since I suspect mil will be judgmental about it. She meddles a lot in our finances and we will never have enough money for her to be not be worried about us.

I am not sure when we will say anything about our next preg. Two losses in quick succession has made me wary.

[purplelady]

Originally Posted by Shadeauxe

Most of my friends/family know about the miscarriage, so I doubt anyone doesn't know that we're TTC. They didn't know before the miscarriage though. Next time I get pregnant, I'll probably just tell everyone right away to get rid of the fear. For me, I feel like if I wait to tell people at a "safe" time, I'll always be second guessing when it's finally "safe" or I will jinx myself.

(aside from the whole ttcing before the loss thing. ours were a very big surprise .) having the support of all those that knew was an amazing help. so i will probably tell friends and family right away.

[.:Shortcake:.]

My family knows because they know of my losses (well most of them). But I do feel guilty for not telling my friends. I got tired of hearing "are you pregnant yet".