Self Esteem - Insecurity?

missy123 · #1 January 15th, 2011, 10:15 AM

Do you find that you are more insecure after a loss? What did your loss do to your self esteem (if anything)?

KCMomma · #2 January 15th, 2011, 10:54 AM

Interesting, I never really thought about it this way, but I do feel more self conscious after my loss. Not sure if it's the anxiety or what, but I just feel a little "weird" I think thats why I end up telling people becuase I think otherwise I feel like I'm hiding something...IDK??

NsMommy · #3 January 15th, 2011, 10:57 AM

Mine has def taken a hit. I find myself feeling down. I have been changed and I also feel like I have to hide things; ESP with all the preggos in my life now.

But the only thing I know is that I have to take better care of myself so I am eating healthy and exercising to feel better.

I still have my bad days; including today.

MeganMomof5 · #4 January 15th, 2011, 11:28 AM

Yes, very much so...I don't like being around people, and when I am, I always feel very insecure...It started right after I lost Ella, and it's gotten worse with every pregnancy loss...I find myself shying away from peole I know IRL...I'm not sure why, and I hope it doesn't last forever.

missy123 · #5 January 15th, 2011, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MeganMomof5

Yes, very much so...I don't like being around people, and when I am, I always feel very insecure...It started right after I lost Ella, and it's gotten worse with every pregnancy loss...I find myself shying away from peole I know IRL...I'm not sure why, and I hope it doesn't last forever.

That is exactly how I am feeling lately.

.:Shortcake:. · #6 January 15th, 2011, 01:54 PM

My losses have changed me and not for the better. I think now I have a lot more anger and I don't know if it is because I thought that nothing like that would happen to a good person or whatever reason but I feel so... helpless. I wish I could make myself pregnant and carry to term, I wish I could make all the ladies on this board pregnant with their rainbow baby and take away all their hurt and pain. I feel very insecure and I feel like less of a woman (if that makes any sense) I think that once we have been through this we are forever changed.

AZsnowflake · #7 January 15th, 2011, 02:54 PM

Immediately after finding out our baby was gone and I'd have to have a miscarriage I felt feelings of humiliation, embarrassment, and failure. things that I know I shouldn't feel, but I can't help it that's just what washed over me at the time. Now, I don't have as much of that probably because I don't have to explain it over and over to people.

TnPhotoMama81 · #8 January 15th, 2011, 04:22 PM

I definitely felt some insecurities. I felt like I let my baby and husband down

Celena · #9 January 15th, 2011, 04:52 PM

Missy, yes, it has... different varying degrees with each loss. Insecure in my womanhood, my fertility and ability to carry a baby to term... about (what if) possibly not being able to have our love child.

#10 January 15th, 2011, 05:24 PM

At the risk of sounding way more shallow than everyone else...I lost some self-esteem in that I gained a lot of weight in the 13 weeks I was pregnant, unlike my other pregnancies, and as unlike my other pregnancies, this time I was not kept on my feet by a baby to lose it all...so now I'm ten pounds more than I want to be and can't seem to get it off.

Celena · #11 January 15th, 2011, 05:27 PM

You know that's ok, you'll get it off and don't feel like you're shallow... you have every right to feel that way

AZsnowflake · #12 January 15th, 2011, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsAndMommy

At the risk of sounding way more shallow than everyone else...I lost some self-esteem in that I gained a lot of weight in the 13 weeks I was pregnant, unlike my other pregnancies, and as unlike my other pregnancies, this time I was not kept on my feet by a baby to lose it all...so now I'm ten pounds more than I want to be and can't seem to get it off.

Yea I actually feel this way too except I didn't gain ANY weight, have actually lost 2 pounds but I am more chunky and my clothes STILL don't fit right

Cait&AngelAbove · #13 January 15th, 2011, 06:49 PM

I feel very insecure. I feel like I failed and like I am less of a woman. My husband's brother and sister have children and sometimes I feel like I am less of a part of the family because I have not given his parents any grandchildren. I just feel sad and hopeless often.

Shadeauxe · #14 January 15th, 2011, 07:10 PM

Well, it's hard to say. I don't think my self esteem has taken a hit because it's one of my strengths. I do have a bit of the doubt that people have mentioned where it's like a loss of the naivete that nothing could possibly go wrong this time since my first pregnancy was issue free. Also, I started doubting choices made prior to the loss, then I just stopped doing that. I couldn't possibly have done anything to stop this from happening, so there's no sense in blaming myself.

okiliz · #15 January 16th, 2011, 06:07 AM

I guess I feel slightly liek less of a woman... like I can't do my"job"as a woman... It did make me depressed and I gained back about 15 pounds since my loss, which makes me feel fat... I find that I feel better at the start of a new cycle.. and worse at the end of a failed one... it is har dto say.. almost liek I don't deserve to be liked by people because I lost my baby... I know.. weird..

Micksbabe · #16 January 16th, 2011, 07:33 AM

I feel this way

it is so sad that as woen we are raised with the idea that having sex once can get you pregnant and yet you try and try and then you think yes I am going to have a baby just to lose it. It takes a huge hit on your ego, it made me feel less, I couldn't stop ologizing to my dh about losing our baby. I felt like it was all my fault and if only I had done something differently then maybe I would still be pregnant. I felt like I lost a piece of myself.

Joanna1127 · #17 January 16th, 2011, 10:00 AM

Yes, I definitely feel like it's affected my self esteem.

I've already struggled a bit in this area and my loss has just made me so much more depressed. I can't help but feel angry and hopeless now that I've had a loss.

Shadeauxe · #18 January 16th, 2011, 11:38 AM

I don't know if this makes a difference, but bear in mind that half of your baby's chromosomes and DNA comes from your husband. So, if you're sitting there pointing your finger at yourself, it's equally likely that something went wrong from the other side of the genealogical coin. I doubt your husbands/partners are sitting around blaming their sperm.

The fault really lies nowhere. I know how badly everyone in here wants to have a baby and is doing the best they can to be healthy and do the right things for their babies. No one was out there drinking battery acid or bathing in toxic sludge.

So, if the thought of your husband curled up in the corner crying about how his sperm has failed him and he's less of a man sounds absurd, then realize it's just as absurd for anyone to think they are less of a woman simply because they had a loss. Crappy stuff happens sometimes that's out of our control.

I can assure you that you're all still 100% women and you're all still just as awesome as you were before you had to start dealing with any of this.

ohnicole · #19 January 16th, 2011, 01:25 PM

Missy, I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Before my loss, I was always super confident at school/work. I loved speaking up, giving presentations, wouldn't hesitate to voice my opinion. I just felt so secure in my skill/knowledge at work. Socially, I was never like that, but work was where I felt on top of things. After my loss I found myself feeling really insecure. I dreaded giving presentations, started wondering if things I said or wrote really made sense or if I was being stupid. I just totally lost my confidence. I'm not sure why it happened, because I don't necessarily blame myself or feel like I failed or anything like that. But it was like a switch was flipped for sure.

Hugs to everyone.