I don't care (rant) x-posted

Cait&AngelAbove · #1 February 2nd, 2011, 09:10 AM

I don't care that my SIL is having another baby. I don't care that she finds out on the 23rd of this month if she is having a boy or a girl. I just don't care. I want to care. I want to obe able to talk to her about the baby without my heart feeling like it is going to break. I want to be able to receive texts from her without my eyes filling with tears. I want to be able to look at her without feeling a pain in my heart. All I can think is that it should be me. I should be the one finding out soon if I am having a boy or a girl. I am the one that should be hearing my baby's heartbeat. I should be the one that has the growing belly. I just don't know what to say to her. This is the SIL that does not get along with any of us. None of us are happy for her. It makes me feel guilty. I feel like I should be able to get over my own loss and be happy for her but I just can't. It hurts less every time I am with her but the pain is still there. SHe is not sympathetic to me whatsoever. The last time I saw her she told me that she was so glad that she did not have a m/c. Who says that???? I mean really who says that to someone they are supposed to care about. So when she makes comments like that I do not feel guilty. I just want to have my own baby. I want to be pregnant so bad that it hurts and tears are coming to my eyes as I type this. I just want to hold my own child in my arms and it feels like that is never going to happen.

missy123 · #2 February 2nd, 2011, 09:15 AM

((Hugs)) I understand and feel the same way every single day.

I would cut off communication with your SIL. You need time to heal and she is only digging salt into your wounds.

Shadeauxe · #3 February 2nd, 2011, 09:24 AM

If someone said something like that to me, I would confront them and tell them that their statement is hurtful and inconsiderate. After something like that, they either leave you alone or change how they interact. Either way, it's win/win.

I can understand being upset. I would be too in the same situation.

MountainMomma · #4 February 2nd, 2011, 09:26 AM

(((hugs)) I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I had a similar situation with my SIL.

I had to completely cut of my SIL. We never speak now. We were pregnant together and I miscarried. She went on to have a beautiful little boy who is now 2 1/2. I tried telling her that I couldn't be happy and excited in the nicest possible way, but every time the went to the doctor or bought something new for the baby I got a call or a text or whatever.

We got pregnant around the same time again and I miscarried. She found out she was having twins. She actually said "Boy ad I going to need help. I'm going to have and 18 month old and two newborns! At least I know I can count on Steph for help. She wants a baby so badly, how could she resist helping with mine?"

There were other heartless comments made as well, and it just got to a point where I had to cut her off for my own sanity.

beccasmom7718 · #5 February 2nd, 2011, 09:39 AM

HUGS
I am going through that with a friend right now, she is having her second, but doesnt want it, was prego last march,and got rid of it, and now shes prego again and wont because she just had one, but wont consider adoption or anything.
Its frustrating because I want a baby soooo bad and whenever she comes over all she does is complain about something. And all i do is wish i could be prego too.
she's even drinking, hoping that will "help" her problem.
it makes me sad and mad so i dont bother to call her anymore, i cant stand it.

Cait&AngelAbove · #6 February 2nd, 2011, 09:52 AM

Ladies thank you for the support!!
Missy: You are completely right. I am going to stop talking to her for a while.
Shadueax: I told her that I did not like her comments and she did not think that she did anything wrong. She likes being the center of attention and was mad when my m/c took the attention off of her. She is only concerned with herself.
Stephanie: Wow you SIL sounds just like mine!!! Do you ever see her or her kids now?
Becca: I cannot believe you friend! I wish none of us had to deal with all of this!

.:Shortcake:. · #7 February 2nd, 2011, 10:12 AM

Hugs! I agree with Missy. I would step away from the situation for now and heal yourself. Sorry your having to deal with this hun.

StaceygirlPa · #8 February 2nd, 2011, 10:21 AM

Sending you lots of hugs. I agree with Missy. I would just step away from the situation. You need to heal.

AZsnowflake · #9 February 2nd, 2011, 11:51 AM

I'm so sorry, I understand how you feel!

SkyBaby · #10 February 2nd, 2011, 12:12 PM

I'm so sorry hun.. I completely know how you feel. A cousin on my husband's side got pregnant just a couple months after I miscarried. She was freaked out. She wasn't married or living in her own place or anything. All she did was whine about being pregnant. She even hated the feeling of her child moving within her. All her complaints were posted as facebook status. I hid her posts a year ago and I haven't bothered to unhide her. All she does is whine. She's a shallow self centered person. I did what was best for me. I agree, cut communications with your SIL. You need time to heal. You have enough to deal with. You don't need a shallow person in your life. None of the ladies on here do.

Joanna1127 · #11 February 2nd, 2011, 01:08 PM

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I also can completely agree. My SIL just had a baby in December. It was very hard to be happy. He's my first nephew and I never wanted to react this way, but after my loss everything has just changed.

I also have several people IRL that are pregnant or just delivered. It just plain sucks.

SillyKitty · #12 February 2nd, 2011, 03:40 PM

I agree with Missy: you need to cut her off. *hugs*

ohnicole · #13 February 2nd, 2011, 04:00 PM

I am so sorry that you are in this situation and that she is treating you this way. I agree that you should take some time away from your SIL so you can heal.

MountainMomma · #14 February 2nd, 2011, 05:04 PM

I do see the kids on a regular basis. My MIL babysits and has the kids more than the parents do. We stop by to visit and help her out regularly. It's rough for me though. Part of me really enjoys spending some time with them, and the other part of me is heartbroken watching them and realizing that I should have little ones tthat same age.

My SIL.....well, I try to to avoid her as much as possible to be honest. There are times, Thanksgiving, Christmas, times like that when I can't avoid it, but considering that we only live around 30 miles apart, I'm amazed that I don't see her more often.

stargatemommy · #15 February 2nd, 2011, 05:29 PM

I am sorry you are having a hard time.... I know just how you feel. One of my losses happened at the same time my SIL announced she was pregnant. I went home and cried after every time I saw her during her pregnancy. To be honest seeing her little boy still makes me a little sad!

Cait&AngelAbove · #16 February 2nd, 2011, 05:33 PM

Thanks ladies! I feel very less alone now! I had called DH crying earlier and he was so tired of her crap that he called her and told her she needed to back off and stop talking to me about the baby that she was just making things worse for me. I am done with her for now. I am not putting myself out there anymore with her and am going to take the time to heal.