Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss
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February 18th, 2011, 12:05 PM
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Wife/Mommy/Photographer
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Oneida, TN
Posts: 7,313
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Hi everyone,
Over night I started bleeding more and had more cramping. I could tell that my body is trying to pass things.
We went in this morning, and I just knew it wasn't good news. They did an ultrasound and found the baby stopped growing at 7 weeks 6 days. (Our last loss only made it to 7 weeks 5 days). She could also tell there was some fluid in the head of the baby so she thinks more than likely the baby probably had downs or trisomy.
It is kind of strange. Not even a week ago I actually had a dream that we had a baby with something wrong like that with it 
They took about 8 or 9 vials of blood because they are going to see if I have blood clotting disorders or something. I am sure some of you know the testing I am talking about. I think one of the tests is for the MTHFR gene thing? I have to have more testing done in about 4 weeks once the HCG is out of my system. She said they can only test for half of the stuff right now because the pregnancy hormones can mess up the readings for the other half of the tests.
So right now I have the cytotec, pain meds, and phenegrin. I took my first dose of cytotec at 1:30.
Also, they said that if we can get the baby once it passes, they will send it to a lab for further testing. It really sucks to think about that. Honestly, we were wanting to bury it in our yard. I know this may be "TMI" but we flushed the one the last time and we both feel pretty guilty about it. But it is so hard going through that the first time and not really knowing what to do. I hate to think of our baby being poked and prodded at but I think it could help us in the future to possibly prevent another m/c from happening. It just makes me so sad.
Right now I feel kind of numb in a way...I am sure there will be a lot of crying tonight but I know there just wasn't anything I could have done. I tried my hardest with the whole progesterone thing. I feel like we did everything we could.
Part of me feels so stupid for having so much positivity about this pregnancy...I really thought everything was going to be ok. I felt like if we could get past the 7w5d mark when our last one died we would be ok...obviously so many things can still happen after that but it was just one of our milestones. On Tuesday (7w5d) I just had a feeling that something was wrong. Ugh.
Anyway, thank you everyone for your support and kindess. It is nice to have friends who understand what it is like to lose a baby. Hopefully the next time we get pregnant we will have more answers and can possibly stop this from happening again. I really want Ethan to have a little brother and sister...to see them interact with each other. How special that must be. Which also makes me so sad for him as well. I was really looking forward to trying to breastfeed longer this time and just make up for a lot of things I missed out on with Ethan. I wanted this second chance so bad!
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February 18th, 2011, 12:10 PM
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Lovin life and family
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 21,980
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I am so so sorry for your loss. I hope with the testing they can figure out what is going on and you will have your rainbow baby soon.
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February 18th, 2011, 12:25 PM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: blaine wa
Posts: 5,277
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hugs hun i am so sorry for your loss. it is so not tmi to say you want to bury your bean. i buried the twins out under our weeping willow tree (or rather plan to now that the ground has thawed). i hope the testing gives you some answers.
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February 18th, 2011, 12:27 PM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Southern PA
Posts: 13,228
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I am so sorry... We are here for you through all of this. ((Hugs))
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February 18th, 2011, 12:27 PM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 16,285
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I'm so sorry!!!
__________________
Waiting for our ELF to get here!
Thank you .:Shortcake:.!! for my awesome siggy!
My Forever Babies- 07/20087.5 weeks, 10/2008 4.5 weeks 12/2008 4 weeks 06/2009 our twin 7.5 weeks 08/2010 4 weeks 10/2010 Mr. Spud 9.5 weeks 04/2011 twins 6 weeks
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February 18th, 2011, 12:37 PM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 11,542
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I'm so sad reading this I've been checking all day hoping for good news...I'm so very sorry for your loss ...I'm glad they are giving you testing, and I hope you get some answers...As far as passing the baby, I hope you don't mind me telling you this...If you want testing done, make sure the baby is not passed into the toilet...I didn't know this at the time, mine was passed and I tooked into the doctor, and i found out later they can't test the baby after it was in the toilet...I understand how you feel, I felt guilty for taking it in when I could of burried it at home, but at the same time maybe it will help you get some closure/answers as to why this happened....(((hugs)))
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February 18th, 2011, 12:44 PM
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Mega Super Mommy
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,366
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I'm so very very sorry
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February 18th, 2011, 12:49 PM
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Mega Super Mommy
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,623
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Crap, I was hoping to come on here and read positive things from your appt today. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. Hugs
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Forever Missing Our Eight Angels
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February 18th, 2011, 12:52 PM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 14,553
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I am so sorry your going through this again.  I have been numb since my last loss. I try to smile and try to be happy but honestly it's a big act. I think it's "normal" to feel this way. Know that we are here for you.
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February 18th, 2011, 01:11 PM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Cali
Posts: 7,740
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My heart is so sad for you right now. Bug Hugs
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February 18th, 2011, 01:12 PM
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Mega Super Mommy
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,048
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So sorry for your loss. We are having the testing done from our loss because I personally think that it may help with the healing process.
We are here if you need to talk/vent...
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Thank you .:Shortcake:. You're the best.
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February 18th, 2011, 01:14 PM
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Mega Super Mommy
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,600
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I am so sorry for your loss I know how you feel about wanting so bad to give your son a sibling. My son turned 2 on the day I found out we were losing our baby. We had tried for over a year to even get pregnant, and I had wanted to give him that little brother or sister soooo bad. I'm so sorry it is such a painful, awful thing to go through... no one should have to go through it once, much less twice.
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February 18th, 2011, 01:18 PM
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Mega Super Mommy
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 4,944
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I am so so sorry Life is so unfair. I really hope that the testing helps you get your sticky BFP and make your son a big brother.
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Thanks, Katie (.:Shortcake:.) for the adorable siggy!
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February 18th, 2011, 01:23 PM
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POAS Queen
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 3,947
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Melissa, you will still have your second chance, hell, probably even a third, maybe a fourth, who knows! I'm crying with you right now Hon, I love you more than I ever thought I could love someone who I've never actually met. I'm so sorry you and Jeremy are going through this right now. I know part of the hurt isn't just for you and Ethan and Jeremy, but also for this baby and the love he or she will never know again, but for almost eight weeks that baby was bathed in your love. It's too short, and it's not fair, but you gave this precious little soul everything you could to make his or her time as special as you knew how. I hurt for you too, Melissa. To know you, and to know what your baby must have inherited from you, I'm sure he or she would want to have the testing done so that in the future you hopefully won't have to hurt like this ever again. I love you and your beautiful little baby. I'm sorry this happened to all of you.
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With us on earth for five short days, with us in our hearts forever.
(Thank you Natasha for this beautiful graphic of Andrew, and to the ladies of the Nov 10 PR who help me in carrying on his memory.)
Jan. 2009: Came off years of BCP and started TTC
March 2010: BFP -- finally!
Oct. 22, 2010: Drew is born, but has to stay in the NICU because of cord complications resulting in oxygen deprivation and brain problems =(
Oct. 27, 2010: I held him in my arms while Daddy, Grandma, Great-Uncle and I sang him to sleep =( Hardest thing I've ever done...
June 14, 2011: Drew's baby brother or sister waved hi to us with a BFP!
June 25, 2011: Natural miscarriage... Can we please catch a break here?
Nov. 2011: 100mg Clomid followed by 2mg Estrogen, Ovidrel trigger, and 200mg progesterone suppositories 2x/day 14 days. BFN.
Dec. 2011: 2nd medicated cycle. BFN.
Jan. 2012: Took a month off to breathe...
Feb. 2012: Same regimen of Clomid and other meds, add IUI. 2 eggs and 8.5 million swimmers. BFN.
March 2012: 75 IU Follistim CD 3-11, follie scan CD 8 showed 6 follies likely to mature. Triggered, IUI on CD 14, 4 million swimmers. BFN.
April 2012: 75 IU Follistim CD 3-10. Scan showed 2 mature follies, 2 almost certain to mature, and two not likely but possible. (All 6 evenly and perfectly spaced out between the left and the right.) Triggered, IUI CD 13 with 5 million swimmers. BFN.
May 2012: 75 IU Follistim starting CD 3. Waiting to O. Timed intercourse. Likely 5 follies to mature.
^^ Click graphic for chart ^^
 
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February 18th, 2011, 01:23 PM
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Mega Super Mommy
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 1,977
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I am so so sorry for your loss
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Rachel
Mommy to Alexander, Annabella, & always missing our angel!
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February 18th, 2011, 01:58 PM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 7,934
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I am so so so so sorry for your loss! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!
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February 18th, 2011, 02:12 PM
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Tobi
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,616
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Im so sorry. I know how important it is to you to be able to bury baby, but I think that if they are able to reach some answers about why this is happening, its really not even a choice that you have to feel bad about. You are trying to give your babies a fighting chance. You did everything you could for this little one. Information can only help. Is it an option to have baby's remains returned to you after they have investigated?
Im so sorry you have to even make decisions like this. Hugs to you and your family.
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February 18th, 2011, 03:50 PM
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Waiting for our Miracle.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Clarence, Pa
Posts: 4,828
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I am so sorry for you loss. I hope all the testing helps brings you some answers and your rainbow baby. Please know all of us are here for you. Sending lots of hugs to you and your family.
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February 18th, 2011, 05:11 PM
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Wife/Mommy/Photographer
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Oneida, TN
Posts: 7,313
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Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your replies. It is nice to be able to come to a place like this and really talk about my feelings and be candid about our loss. Thanks for all the support 
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplelady
hugs hun i am so sorry for your loss. it is so not tmi to say you want to bury your bean. i buried the twins out under our weeping willow tree (or rather plan to now that the ground has thawed). i hope the testing gives you some answers.
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Thank you...I was actually thinking of that. I bought my husband a weeping willow for his birthday a couple of years ago and thought that would be a nice place to bury it. However, we probably won't be able to if we have testing on it.
We are planning on getting some rememberance stones or something for our flower bed this spring. <3
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeganMomof5
If you want testing done, make sure the baby is not passed into the toilet...I didn't know this at the time, mine was passed and I tooked into the doctor, and i found out later they can't test the baby after it was in the toilet...I understand how you feel, I felt guilty for taking it in when I could of burried it at home, but at the same time maybe it will help you get some closure/answers as to why this happened....(((hugs)))
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Thank you Megan for telling me that. We actually borrowed something from Jeremy's grandparents. It sits in the toilet and collects urine so we are going to use that I think every time I go to the bathroom
Quote:
Originally Posted by wishfulgal
I am so sorry for your loss I know how you feel about wanting so bad to give your son a sibling. My son turned 2 on the day I found out we were losing our baby. We had tried for over a year to even get pregnant, and I had wanted to give him that little brother or sister soooo bad. I'm so sorry it is such a painful, awful thing to go through... no one should have to go through it once, much less twice. |
Thank you....yeah it is hard. I wanted them to be somewhat close in age too. Hopefully we can get some news with the testing and keep it from happening again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Erin84
Melissa, you will still have your second chance, hell, probably even a third, maybe a fourth, who knows! I'm crying with you right now Hon, I love you more than I ever thought I could love someone who I've never actually met. I'm so sorry you and Jeremy are going through this right now. I know part of the hurt isn't just for you and Ethan and Jeremy, but also for this baby and the love he or she will never know again, but for almost eight weeks that baby was bathed in your love. It's too short, and it's not fair, but you gave this precious little soul everything you could to make his or her time as special as you knew how. I hurt for you too, Melissa. To know you, and to know what your baby must have inherited from you, I'm sure he or she would want to have the testing done so that in the future you hopefully won't have to hurt like this ever again. I love you and your beautiful little baby. I'm sorry this happened to all of you.
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I love you too Erin. I am very thankful to have you as a friend. Thank you for saying all of the above....it made me cry. You are so sweet. *huge hugs*
Quote:
Originally Posted by tobi4
Im so sorry. I know how important it is to you to be able to bury baby, but I think that if they are able to reach some answers about why this is happening, its really not even a choice that you have to feel bad about. You are trying to give your babies a fighting chance. You did everything you could for this little one. Information can only help. Is it an option to have baby's remains returned to you after they have investigated?
Im so sorry you have to even make decisions like this. Hugs to you and your family.
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I am not sure if they would return the remains or not. I would also be kind of scared to get them back if that makes any sense. I don't know how much they do to the fetus...if they need to cut open into stuff....I am not sure it is an image I want to see.
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February 18th, 2011, 05:20 PM
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Lovin life and family
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 21,980
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Usually the hospital won't let you have the remains back. I asked after our first loss because I wanted to bury him. But they have protocol that mandated it be incinerated. I am so sorry you are going through this again.
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