Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss
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February 24th, 2011, 06:12 AM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 14,553
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 I feel like since the most recent loss he is pulling away from me. When we BD I feel like he isn't enjoying it and it feels like a chore to him.....  Last night he told me that he feels like he's never going to be a father and that hurt. It's not like I'm not trying. Grrrr. So yes DH is in the doghouse and I don't think he will be getting out of it for awhile.
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February 24th, 2011, 06:54 AM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 7,934
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Aw Katie I am so sorry! That is not fair to you because you are putting everything into trying. I hope he comes to his sense soon.
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February 24th, 2011, 06:59 AM
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Waiting for our Miracle.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Clarence, Pa
Posts: 4,828
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Katie, I am so sorry. Everyone knows you are doing everything you can to make him a daddy and you a mommy. 
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February 24th, 2011, 07:00 AM
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***Staying Positive***
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Coushatta, La
Posts: 7,147
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Aww I am so sorry. I understand how that feels. My dh and I went through that many times before when TTC. I hope he starts to feel better about it soon. Hugs to you!
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February 24th, 2011, 08:42 AM
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Mega Super Mommy
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 4,944
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I'm sorry, Katie.  TTC and TTCAL can be really hard on a relationship. Have you guys ever tried counseling to get through some of the rough patches?
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Thanks, Katie (.:Shortcake:.) for the adorable siggy!
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February 24th, 2011, 08:56 AM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 14,553
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohnicole
I'm sorry, Katie. TTC and TTCAL can be really hard on a relationship. Have you guys ever tried counseling to get through some of the rough patches? |
We haven't tried counseling... DH is very different and doesn't like talking about his problems. He would not go and even try it (I asked about it before). 
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February 24th, 2011, 09:01 AM
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Waiting for our Miracle.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Clarence, Pa
Posts: 4,828
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Your dh is like my dh. He will never talk about his feelings or problems. I told him sometimes I feel like I am on the outside looking in. Sending you hugs.
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February 24th, 2011, 09:49 AM
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Mega Super Mommy
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: East TN
Posts: 2,594
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I'm so sorry, but I know how it is! My DH was like that after our last loss. It was literally just 3 weeks ago when he finally talked to me about it (over a year later)and we decided to TTC again. He just has himself convinced we can't have another baby and nothing but the birth of a child will convince him otherwise. I think part of it is there is only so much they can do to help and it leaves them feeling a little powerless.
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February 24th, 2011, 10:12 AM
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It's me
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 5,064
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I might respond to this in more detail later, but if your husband is anything like me, and my thoughts tend to work more like a man's, then he wasn't blaming you, it just comes across that way. Maybe he's just expressing a sadness. I cannot tell you how many times the words that I choose get misinterpreted by most normal people. I just don't think like everyone else and I have trouble expressing any emotion other than anger.
I also am not the type of person who would go to counseling, because I know my brain better than any therapist and 99.9% of the time, I do a better job figuring stuff out on my own. I would just try expressing your own feelings back and say something like, "When you said x, I interpreted it a in this way. Is that how you meant it?" and see what he says.
I want to make it clear that I am not making excuses, just offering another possible angle.
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February 24th, 2011, 10:15 AM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 14,553
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadeauxe
I might respond to this in more detail later, but if your husband is anything like me, and my thoughts tend to work more like a man's, then he wasn't blaming you, it just comes across that way. Maybe he's just expressing a sadness. I cannot tell you how many times the words that I choose get misinterpreted by most normal people. I just don't think like everyone else and I have trouble expressing any emotion other than anger.
I also am not the type of person who would go to counseling, because I know my brain better than any therapist and 99.9% of the time, I do a better job figuring stuff out on my own. I would just try expressing your own feelings back and say something like, "When you said x, I interpreted it a in this way. Is that how you meant it?" and see what he says.
I want to make it clear that I am not making excuses, just offering another possible angle.
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Thank you for your insight Courtney. I think I'm going to write him a letter. I tend to get too frustrated when speaking directly to him because he doesn't communicate well. 
Thank you ladies!
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February 24th, 2011, 10:17 AM
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Mega Super Mommy
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,321
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Men, they just don't get us sometimes. I agree that it probably wasnt meant to hurt you, he was just expressing how he feels. As women we tend to take all the blame onto ourselves because we feel like our bodies are failing us and when we hear things like that it just adds to the blame. I am sure he didn't mean it like that
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February 24th, 2011, 10:18 AM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Southern PA
Posts: 13,228
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YES, WRITE HIM A LETTER! After you smack him upside the head and tell him he is hurting you.
xoxoxoxoxo Katie
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March 1st, 2011, 10:10 AM
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It's me
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 5,064
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Did this get resolved? I am just curious what his response was.
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March 1st, 2011, 10:14 AM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 14,553
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I wrote DH an email (he checks his all the time) and explained how it made me feel. He apologized and said he didn't mean it to come out like it did. He also explained that he hates what the losses have done to me and he just wants me to be happy again. So he isn't in the doghouse anymore
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March 1st, 2011, 10:49 AM
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It's me
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 5,064
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Quote:
Originally Posted by .:Shortcake:.
I wrote DH an email (he checks his all the time) and explained how it made me feel. He apologized and said he didn't mean it to come out like it did. He also explained that he hates what the losses have done to me and he just wants me to be happy again. So he isn't in the doghouse anymore |
Awesome!
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March 1st, 2011, 11:05 AM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 14,553
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadeauxe
Awesome!
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Yes it is And thanks for thinking of me!
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March 1st, 2011, 01:29 PM
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Wife/Mommy/Photographer
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Oneida, TN
Posts: 7,313
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Katie I am so glad you guys resolved things. I thought the same thing as Courtney that maybe he was just expressing his sadness but it came across the wrong way.
I hope and pray one day you guys will have a very healthy baby in your arms. You are both so strong to have endured so many losses.
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March 1st, 2011, 02:13 PM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,700
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Katie I am so sorry that you have had to go through this.. I am super happy that you got it resolved.. I don't know if you remember when I went through a similar problem with my DH and the things he said... Men just are configured differently and express emotions differently.. HUGS!!! I am praying for you hun and I pray that your rainbow baby is in the near future...
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March 1st, 2011, 07:42 PM
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Veteran
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 157
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadeauxe
I might respond to this in more detail later, but if your husband is anything like me, and my thoughts tend to work more like a man's, then he wasn't blaming you, it just comes across that way. Maybe he's just expressing a sadness. I cannot tell you how many times the words that I choose get misinterpreted by most normal people. I just don't think like everyone else and I have trouble expressing any emotion other than anger.
I also am not the type of person who would go to counseling, because I know my brain better than any therapist and 99.9% of the time, I do a better job figuring stuff out on my own. I would just try expressing your own feelings back and say something like, "When you said x, I interpreted it a in this way. Is that how you meant it?" and see what he says.
I want to make it clear that I am not making excuses, just offering another possible angle.
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I am the same way!
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March 1st, 2011, 09:19 PM
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POAS Queen
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 3,947
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Oof, I'm just now seeing this... I'm sorry I didn't read it sooner, I don't know how this one got away from me! I guess I just thought I'd read it or something...? I'm glad you two got it worked out, and you don't have to feel hurt anymore, and you know that you're not alone in this, etc. If he acts like it's a chore, add to your playtime stash 
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With us on earth for five short days, with us in our hearts forever.
(Thank you Natasha for this beautiful graphic of Andrew, and to the ladies of the Nov 10 PR who help me in carrying on his memory.)
Jan. 2009: Came off years of BCP and started TTC
March 2010: BFP -- finally!
Oct. 22, 2010: Drew is born, but has to stay in the NICU because of cord complications resulting in oxygen deprivation and brain problems =(
Oct. 27, 2010: I held him in my arms while Daddy, Grandma, Great-Uncle and I sang him to sleep =( Hardest thing I've ever done...
June 14, 2011: Drew's baby brother or sister waved hi to us with a BFP!
June 25, 2011: Natural miscarriage... Can we please catch a break here?
Nov. 2011: 100mg Clomid followed by 2mg Estrogen, Ovidrel trigger, and 200mg progesterone suppositories 2x/day 14 days. BFN.
Dec. 2011: 2nd medicated cycle. BFN.
Jan. 2012: Took a month off to breathe...
Feb. 2012: Same regimen of Clomid and other meds, add IUI. 2 eggs and 8.5 million swimmers. BFN.
March 2012: 75 IU Follistim CD 3-11, follie scan CD 8 showed 6 follies likely to mature. Triggered, IUI on CD 14, 4 million swimmers. BFN.
April 2012: 75 IU Follistim CD 3-10. Scan showed 2 mature follies, 2 almost certain to mature, and two not likely but possible. (All 6 evenly and perfectly spaced out between the left and the right.) Triggered, IUI CD 13 with 5 million swimmers. BFN.
May 2012: 75 IU Follistim starting CD 3. Waiting to O. Timed intercourse. Likely 5 follies to mature.
^^ Click graphic for chart ^^
 
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DH is in the........
and 2-4-2012, chemical 
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