SO aggravated for a friend of mine. (Termination ment, baby had fatal condition)

Erin84 · #1 March 4th, 2011, 02:57 PM

I just want to start off saying that my friend is VERY pro-life. However, at an ultrasound about 3-4 weeks ago, her baby was diagnosed with hydroencephaly. I think she was 14 weeks along. This condition is compatible with life inside the womb, but infants who have it can't survive outside the womb. Basically, the baby would be born, live for several days on life support while the family waited for him to "crash," and then he would pass away. It falls in the category neural tube defects fall in.

Well, on-base hospitals won't do "abortions," for any reason. In fact, military medical insurance won't cover abortions either, again, for any reason. So they refer her to this AWFUL civilian clinic, one of those cheap, shady places, 'cause they're a military family and they don't have the money to go somewhere expensive without insurance coverage. So they go, have it done, and follow up through the Naval hospital shortly after.

They told everyone they didn't want more kids. They have a son, and before this baby, she gave birth to a sleeping daughter at 20 weeks, and decided they just can't do it again. She went to the ER and was sent to L&D to be seen and they waited for hours before anyone even checked her, and by the time that happened, things had progressed past them being able to do anything for her, and so their daughter was born. They put her in a bed and waited for it all to be over. Their son is completely healthy, but the pregnancy and birth were very complicated. So the Naval hospital is trying to push genetic testing on her "just in case, for the future," and she refuses, over and over again. TWICE after her daughter was born sleeping when she went to post-partum appointments, the nurse she saw walked in and said the first thing they were going to do was take the fetal heartrate. Um, THERE ISN'T ONE ANYMORE. But since you're too busy to read the chart and see that the baby was already born AND PASSED AWAY, and you're just hurting this woman again and again, you wouldn't know that.

So like I said, they denied genetic testing, multiple times, after this termination, because her husband is getting a vasectomy because of all their medical problems surrounding having children. Well this one ******* doctor went ahead and ordered the tests anyway. My friend walks into her appointment today, and the first nurse she talks to says, "So I'm really sorry, but the genetic tests reveal ____," basically a condition she has that likely led to this baby having this terminal medical problem. So NOW, on top of EVERYTHING ELSE, she's left with the feeling that it's her fault, which is what they were trying to avoid in the first place by not having genetic testing done on this most recent baby, the mom, or the dad, since they were done trying. All 3 pregnancies/births have had different problems (although like I mentioned, their son is completely healthy, it was just a complicated process) and they don't want to go through it anymore, but now they're left with this. The condition is treatable. So now what? Do they want to try again and risk the pain of this problem or another potentially causing complications? How is she going to feel about it being her "fault"? How is he going to feel, and how is she going to feel wondering about how he feels?

She is LIVID, and I'm livid for her. And it's military medicine, so there's literally nothing they can do about it. They did what they're allowed, made a complaint basically to the customer service department of the hospital, and that's that.

I'M FURIOUS. I can't BELIEVE these people and their lack of sensitivity. I could just fly out to where they live and spit on all of them. SO ANGRY.

AZsnowflake · #2 March 4th, 2011, 04:04 PM

wow, what a freakin' mess!! My heart breaks for them, that would be an incredibly tough decision to make and then with all those foolish mistakes made on the part of nurses and doctors

I'd be PISSED too!

Tara_Rose · #3 March 4th, 2011, 04:29 PM

what a heartbreaking situation

TnPhotoMama81 · #4 March 4th, 2011, 05:03 PM

I am shaking my head...that is so wrong. I cannot believe how some military hospitals and such treat people or why certain things have to be such a **** battle. It seems like they would do everything possible to make sure the next baby was healthy ...I am so sorry they denied her genetic testing that last time. I would feel responsible too

How very sad/frustrating.

Cait&AngelAbove · #5 March 4th, 2011, 06:27 PM

That is such a heartbreaking story! I feel angry for them!

missy123 · #6 March 4th, 2011, 06:34 PM

I am so sorry... Heartbreaking for so many different reasons.

JessP · #7 March 4th, 2011, 06:36 PM

I am so sorry they went through all that and that the Dr took it upon himself to do something. Just so she knows, spouses aka civilians can take action against military installations. Only the military member is not allowed (at least that is what I have always been told). I would have her look into it if she is wanting a course of action. I am very thankful I have had civilian care for my pregnancies and not had to deal with military hospitals. I hardly ever hear of anything good.

Oh you know I just remembered, spouses can sue military hospitals. I had a Senior Chief (E-8) whos sons had bad treatment when they were born which almost killed on of the two twins. The one that almost died has had developmental delays due to mistreatment in the nursery when he was born (medicine or something). The wife and children sued the San Diego Hospital and although a long process they did win. One million I think but not sure on the amount. The stipulation was the Enlisted person couldn't be the one sueing. So She as the spouse should have some recourse.

Jessica121706 · #8 March 5th, 2011, 08:47 AM

O Erin, this story just brought tears pouring down. I can't believe her doctors would do that, making the decision to terminate for those reasons are hard enough but to have unauthorized testing done and results revealed like that I couldn't even imagine. I don't even know how I would have handle something like that. Many T&P's for your friend

StaceygirlPa · #9 March 5th, 2011, 11:21 AM

Erin, I am so sorry your friend is going through this. Sending lots of hugs and thoughts her way.

emsketch · #10 March 5th, 2011, 11:42 AM

I don't know whether I am more sad or angry for her. I cannot believe that the doctor had the nerve to run testing on her that she told them she dd not want. I would look into taking some action due to that. I understand it is a military hospital, but running testing on a person that they have not consented to is medically unethical. What a heart breaking story.

luvmykids623 · #11 March 6th, 2011, 08:02 AM

I'm so sorry for your friends loss and the way she was treated. They have no business running tests that she didn't want in the first place. I can totally understand not wanting to know. My DS was born with Erbs Palsy, and his neurologist originally wanted to test to know why he had it. I didn't feel it was a birth injury caused by the doctor, so the only other test was to see if my body caused the issue. I declined the tests, because I didn't want to know for sure that I'm the reason he was born that way. In my heart I feel it was me, but knowing for sure would have devastated me. I'm sure she felt similarly. What happened to her precious baby can't be changed by knowing why. She was probably already blaming herself as it was. She didn't need confirmation of a genetic reason. I'm furious for her. I wish I could go to that hospital and beat the **** out of her doctor. He just caused her a whole lot of hurt that she didn't need to go through.

CAMPMOMMYAMY · #12 March 7th, 2011, 07:38 AM

This hits a little too close to home... My issues were no where near your friends, but when I had my daughter at a military hospital it was horrible. They say you forget the pain of birth, but I still have nightmares. My 1st m/c was the same way. I waited in the ER for 8 hours only to be told I lost the baby. I only just found out details from that m/c when I pushed to get my medical records released to me. The CRAP they put in there was so wrong - husband & family who were THERE could not believe the LIES regarding my L & D they entered into my records. They even failed to tell me that the baby was far enough along to know that he was a little boy

I'm sorry this had to happen to your friend. It hurts terribly and unfortunately there isn't much that can be done. With the military doctors you lose so many options and almost have no recourse against them. Sending thoughts and prayers she can heal and move past this.