DH is so in the doghouse.

*SamF* · #1 March 11th, 2011, 12:53 PM

He called me earlier so I could fill him in on what the doctor said. I basically told him exactly what I posted in the other thread.
He then feels the need to reiterate the fact that the first time may not work, and then gets all pissy because if we aren't pregnant, then we may or may not have to cancel or alter our plans to go to my parents next weekend, and he won't get to fish.

I am baiscally told today that I am the reason for all of our loses because I have bad eggs. He has to then point out again that it may not work- because of those bad eggs, and then gets made about his stupid fishing trip????

He sent me an email later apologizing, but still it's all about HIM!- this was his email
-'Sorry for giving you "attitude". I over reacted and am sorry. I want to have a second child with you. You are a great mother and wife and don't deserve my crap. As much as I'd love to get down to AR next weekend, if we have to stay then so be it. I have a lot of work to do on the lawn and garden anyway. '

all he heard in the whole conversation was about the **** trip.

Erin84 · #2 March 11th, 2011, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *SamF*

As much as I'd love to get down to AR next weekend, if we have to stay then so be it. I have a lot of work to do on the lawn and garden anyway. '

If I can offer another perspective...? Maybe he was saying this to try and make you feel better. Like, from his point of view: "I know she knows I really want to go on this trip, and I don't want her to feel like she's taking it away from me, so I'll offer another reason as to why I shouldn't go so she doesn't feel like she's taking it away from me." Men's brains... They're... Different. I'm hoping that was his intention behind those last two sentences. The beginning of his note was very sweet

I just read your last post, I like your RE, he sounds really optimistic. What a cool cat

*SamF* · #3 March 11th, 2011, 01:13 PM

I think that is how he 'intended' it to sound, but all I hear is his huffiness/whineness about not going. Cause every time he wants to go fishing something happens, weather/illness/whatever.
It's more that it didn't occur to him about what the news meant to me.

Erin84 · #4 March 11th, 2011, 03:10 PM

Maybe he should bring home chocolates just to be on the safe side

.:Shortcake:. · #5 March 11th, 2011, 04:48 PM

I would try to put this nicely but can't figure out a way to... most men are dumb butts! They don't know how to communicate very well and most of the time they do mean well but it doesn't come out the best to us. I honestly don't think your DH meant it the way it came out.

Sometimes it's best to just ignore their stupidity and move past it.

ohnicole · #6 March 11th, 2011, 04:53 PM

Erin, you are a very tolerant person

I would be so mad at my DH if he said anything even remotely like what your DH said. And I agree with Katie that men are dumb- sometimes they are bad at not only communicating but also thinking about the emotional effects of a situation.

If it was my DH, I would probably say something like, "I'm happy that you apologized for your behavior, and I forgive you. But I do want you to know that part of my anger was because you didn't acknowledge how difficult the situation is on me. I am really hurting and I need your support."

I am very literal with my DH because I hope it will help him learn

ETA: Sometimes I even tell him that he has to buy me something or make me dinner to make it up to me

Shadeauxe · #7 March 11th, 2011, 07:04 PM

Your husband's email sounds very sincere. Especially the, "You are a great wife and mother and don't deserve any of my crap." I am often the victim of my mouth saying things before my brain has thought everything through.

Also, I agree with Nicole. You have to spell out explicitly what upsets you if you don't think he gets it because he's not psychic and obviously didn't get it the first time, so telling him is the best way to go. Write it if it's too hard to say.

terajet · #8 March 11th, 2011, 07:11 PM

I agree with Katie. Men are like children some times. You have to spell everything out to them about your feelings. They just don't understand.

pepper73 · #9 March 12th, 2011, 03:39 AM

Everything you all have said is true. Men just have different brains and I also think they have that archaic thinking that if they show emotion at all, they will be less masculine. He may be venting about fishing but might be feeling something entirely different. It can definitely be frustrating sometimes and I would be upset too. Men sure are a lot of work!

Shadeauxe · #10 March 12th, 2011, 04:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pepper73

...and I also think they have that archaic thinking that if they show emotion at all, they will be less masculine.

This is not necessarily true. If someone had to compartmentalize how I think into some type of box with a label, I would be told that I also "think like a man". However, I can tell you it has nothing to do with "being weak" for not having any emotion. I am incapable of thinking primarily with emotion. My brain goes with logic/ration as the primary decision maker.

If you have ever seen the TV show Bones, the main character (Bones) is a rational thinker to the extreme. I am not as bad as she is, but I have a lot of similarities.