anyone else?(warning sensitive subject manor/depression)

hopeful211 · #1 March 18th, 2011, 07:45 AM

So sometimes I'm hopeful that I will eventually be a mother to a child here on earth, but sometimes even the idea of getting/being pregnant is sooo FOREIGN to me and I CAN'T comprehend it. I don't ever see me getting pg again and I HATE to think this way but if I do it won't go well bc I've had all losses all early in pg. I don't always think this way but its hard not to at times, I mean the idea of pregnancy foreign and uncomprehendable???? Its soooo weird. I'm still young, 26, but cancer runs in my family all women have gotten cancer(on my moms side), every generation younger and my mom had a complete hystorectomy at 33. So far paps have been ok, due for another one in june. Also I have only one tube and I have a bicornate uterus.
Anyone else feel pregnancy seems weird and foreign? I want a baby soooo bad and feel sooo guilty feeling this way!

missy123 · #2 March 18th, 2011, 08:17 AM

Please do not feel guilty for how you feel. Pregnancy loss is heartbreaking and can lead to depression and thoughts of confusion that you normally would not go through. And each person deals with loss differently and has different body chemistry's.

Are you feeling depressed now? If so you may want to go talk to your doctor about it. I went on anti-depressents and so glad I did!

Tara_Rose · #3 March 18th, 2011, 08:24 AM

I agree with Missy, it's a good idea to talk to your doctor about it.

I kind of understand how you feel because my Mum also had many problems, and also had her insides removed young; and also cancer runs rampant on her side of the family.

But don't give up hope, try to see yourself pregnant, try your best to keep positive and hopeful - that's all we can do right?

hopeful211 · #4 March 18th, 2011, 02:28 PM

I was on antidepressants a few months back but stopped bc of the side effects and we decided to ttc. I'm not depressed now, a lil bummed, but I'm ok without the meds. It was just weighing heavy on me bc yest was the 10 yr anni of me loosing my first. Thank you for your kind thoughts and ideas:

ohnicole · #5 March 18th, 2011, 04:29 PM

TTC and pregnancy loss is hard

Honestly, sometimes it was easier to let myself forget what it would be like and just trudge through the day to day kind of like a zombie. But however you're feeling is normal, and nothing to feel guilty about

I hope the girls here can bring you some comfort.

hopeful211 · #6 March 20th, 2011, 10:53 AM

I am so frustrated another bfn this morning on cd27.... it was easier these past few days not testing.. then stupid frer with their new evil evaps... ugh!!! That is sooo the best way to describe the way I feel right now...ugh! I was thinkin I would get at least a faint pos this morning, been eating everything in sight (though that may have been my crappy mood or thinking I was pg)..... BLAH!

.:Shortcake:. · #7 March 20th, 2011, 10:54 AM

It's not over until the fat lady sings BUT I feel in your frustrations.

hopeful211 · #8 March 20th, 2011, 04:40 PM

Started cramping today, usually never cramp even during my period, hopefully is something positive, my predictor for o (my application used my previous cycles to predict) we bd the day I ovulated and would be 10dpo today... hoping I was just testing too early!!! Shortcake have you tested yet this month? Not sure if I saw a post or not!