Ugh...can I vent for one minute please?!? & a ?

.:Shortcake:. · #1 March 20th, 2011, 05:20 PM

Okay so today is 13dpo and BFN so I know I'm out this cycle. Whatever I'm at the point that it doesn't really affect me as much. BUT knowing I have the next cycle to try keeps me moving. Well DH said today that he really doesn't want to try anymore

He doesn't want to use protection or anything but he doesn't want me on meds, using OPKs or watching my CM. He just wants things to go naturally.

While I get where he is coming from he also doesn't understand I have PCOS and Endo. Yeah I know we are still young but with Endo you can't wait forever. GRRRRRRRR! I want to smack him upside his freaking head and tell him how I feel, instead I say whatever you want babe and so now I don't know what to do.

Our relationship has defiantly had it's ups and downs with all the losses we have been through. I'm not going to lie there have been points we almost split because the grief/anger became to much for us. So now my questions ladies... what would you do? Would you go with the flow the next couple cycles and not do anything or would you try to talk to DH and make him see where you are coming from?

Thanks for reading...

KeepingFaith · #2 March 20th, 2011, 05:40 PM

I believe a wise women once said "It's not over until the fat lady sings!"

BUT I do understand where you are coming from, It's so hard for men to understand the pain from a loss and the desire to be a mother. Sex just becomes a chore to them when it has to be perfectly timed and they have to follow all these rules to TTC. MY DH often says he wants to be spontaneous again. I think that if you feel strongly about trying then you should sit down and really tell him. My dh usually doesn't understand until I am sobbing in his arms. I think that the grief of not becoming a mother would tear the relationship apart more than the trials and tribulations of getting there. Just sit down and pour your heart out, hopefully he will see how much this means to you. Good luck and ((hugs))

OurSweetLabs · #3 March 20th, 2011, 05:59 PM

The bad part of me says what he doesn't know can't hurt him, but in reality...

Can you print off some information about PCOS and Endo and make him realize that time in not really on your side?

momma2kacie · #4 March 20th, 2011, 06:16 PM

[QUOTE=OurSweetLabs;23403161]The bad part of me says what he doesn't know can't hurt him, but in reality...QUOTE]

I was gonna say the same thing! But I guess in the end it probably wouldn't help to do that. Hopefully you will be able to explain it to him and make him understand where you are coming from.

terajet · #5 March 20th, 2011, 06:42 PM

When my DH expressed similar ideas I just took a step back. I kept doing what I was doing but just didn't run to him with all the information. Getting him less involved sort of took some of the stress off of him. I guess this is along he lines of what he doesn't know....

I also eventually got fed up of all the meds, temps...etc... I have Endo and actually got pg on the third month after I stopped all the "trying".

Sometimes men just don't understand what it is like for us. They are fertile all the time for their whole lives. They have no biological clock. I don't know that you can ever make them understand.

Good luck!!!

TnPhotoMama81 · #6 March 20th, 2011, 06:45 PM

That is a tough one.

What all meds are you on again? I don't see what is wrong with taking meds if they are helping you achieve a HEALTHY pregnancy just in case it DOES happen without you guys trying super hard.

Maybe you could take a month or two off of OPKS? I don't know. I know the stress is probably hard on you both. I wish I knew what to say. I would be very hurt as well because you feel like time is ticking.

*hugs*

lindsey2000k · #7 March 20th, 2011, 06:55 PM

You know what my answer is just keep doing it but dont tell him where you are in your cycle and stuff.
Just say when he asks "I dont know I think around days ...." LOL
I already had it all planned out cause my DH was about to make me stop last time but I got pregnant.
Time is ticking for us though so I think he is in a hurry to go again.

I think this is just there way if dealing with it. Everything is even more so out of there control then it is ours that maybe this is something he wants a say in?

Jessica121706 · #8 March 20th, 2011, 07:24 PM

I agree with some of the others, maybe compromise don't use opks, not sure what is involved in your conditions so by no means do i want to say go off meds, I'd say that your dr put them on you for reason. As far as charting, what if you only did it until you o'd

Good Luck sweetie

momof6lopez · #9 March 20th, 2011, 07:26 PM

I agree with the girls in saying, keep it to yourself with the opks and cycle stuff.....sometimes guys just get too overwhelmed with all of this and feel like a machine......they want to feel like their wanted to BE WANTED, not to just make a baby.

But Im selfish.......I just want to see my friend get her rainbow baby , and if that means a little deception, than so be it!

TnPhotoMama81 · #10 March 20th, 2011, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by momof5lopez

But Im selfish.......I just want to see my friend get her rainbow baby , and if that means a little deception, than so be it!

Just wanted to post the

smiley because I think it is appropriate HAHA.

I agree with everyone else Katie...maybe just not run to him with everything...keep it on the DL...COME here instead and tell us all about it hehe

missy123 · #11 March 20th, 2011, 07:54 PM

What do YOU want to do? I say you think about what you want to do, what your next step is and sit down with him and tell him. Be straight forward... then listen to his concerns... If he wants to know less then so be it but he has always stood by you in the past and I think he will this time as well. He is probably hurting because he loves you so much and doesn't like seeing you sad.

Katie - do you have health insurance? Have you thought of going to MA? ie: IUI's ect...

JanessaFaith · #12 March 20th, 2011, 09:12 PM

II would talk to him. I don't know much about you or your situation. But I think you should make sure he understands the effect that PROS and ends have.

For me, personally, I know that the only thing that could split up Clint and I would be if he wanted to stop TTC before I was ready, or decided he didn't want to do what it takes for us to achieve that dream. I have seen it happen on other boards.

So I really hope that you can come to some agreement. Whether it is to TTC, look into adoption or something else. Hugs and Good luck!

.:Shortcake:. · #13 March 21st, 2011, 03:10 AM

Thank you ladies. I hardly slept last night thinking about everything. I'm going to the doctor this Wednesday and I think I'm going to talk to her about everything. I'm not doing the Clomid anymore (She likes to push that). I either want to take 3 months off most of my meds (not all because honestly I need some of them to get pg) and just got with the flow OR start a more aggressive action (***the one I want the most

) We do have medical insurance but it does not cover fertility treatments at all and we cannot afford to do most of them because the cost would be so high for us. It's not DH doesn't want to know about where I'm at in my cycle he doesn't want me to either... he thinks it's affecting me and he hates to see me like this. Sorry for being a debbie-downer ladies.

StaceygirlPa · #14 March 21st, 2011, 04:58 AM

Katie, I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could wave a magic wond and help you get your rainbow baby. I would wait until you talk to your doctor on Wednesday. After you and her sit down then I would sit down with Dh and talk to him. With everything I am going through I can see your Dh's side because I see it in my Dh. He doesn't want to see me sad and crying. Dh told me yesterday he just wants the old me back. I think your Dh will go along with what every you deceide.

Pame�a · #15 March 21st, 2011, 05:06 AM

I don't know if you remember what my dh did to me just after we bought the fertility monitor. I was so hurt but just a few weeks later, he had a change of heart. I really have to agree with the other ladies that he needs the low down on your pcos and endo and the affect is has on fertility.

As women, we have to be aware of our bodies and what is going on so it would only be natural for you to know when you are O'ing. There is no way around that. When you are fighting the odds, you have to keep going and keep doing what ups those odds and he really needs to understand that.

All that being said, ttc is just flat out stressful and is upsetting when it doesn't happen. I mean, I was ready to give up the first cycle because all I thought of was it took us 18 months to get pregnant with Gabriella and I just thought there was no way I can go that long again....but we keep going because like you said, we have next cycle to try and we pray and hope that that will be our cycle!

Heart you lady and I really pray he changes his feelings hun.

ohnicole · #16 March 21st, 2011, 06:37 AM

Katie, I'm so sorry

I know your cycles can be somewhat irregular, and having had the same, NTNP without cycle monitoring just won't work. What will your DH say when it's CD30 and you don't know if you've O'ed or not or what day, AF isn't showing, and you are obsessively testing everyday until CD43 when AF finally shows? I think for your sanity, I would at least chart my temp so you know when to expect AF.

I also agree with Missy about keeping your DH in the loop with what you are doing. I think it's a great idea to talk with your doctor on Wednesday. Then sit down with DH and tell him where you are and what you need. Let him tell you where he is and what he needs. Then try to find some middle ground. You both may have points you won't compromise on, but I think you've been through so much, you will be able to work it out!

*SamF* · #17 March 21st, 2011, 06:59 AM

Totally ditto Missy.

Would taking a few months off and saving up fro the more aggressive treatments be an option?

dreamer10 · #18 March 21st, 2011, 07:17 AM

I have to admit Katie that I agree with some of what the others said, and I don't agree with some of what the others have said. I guess my question is this....

Where is your dh's head in ttc? Does it mean to him what it means to you? Because honestly, if he is at that point of "if it happens then great, if not then whatever" which a lot of men feel this way then the more you push dr appts, trying, charting, opks, etc, the more you are going to push him away. If he is in that place then you can go ahead and still see docs, you can even chart and opk and whatnot, you just dont have to give him a daily update on everything that your doing, where you are in your cycle, etc. Its not a matter of deception, its a matter of understanding that the more you push with that stuff the more you stress him out. Sometimes my husband likes that place of "do what you need to do, just dont give me a moment by moment update on it. Your a smart girl...you can do this."

Now, having said all that, if your dh wants a baby with you as much as you do then I think you first need to give him a few days to sit in his "man cave" and let him relax. Even if he wants it as much as you do, they deal with stress in a different way and he may need a few days to let things absorb. Then I would go to the doc, talk about options and sit down with him and talk it out. Let him have his say, his opinion and his point of view on where you should go from here. At that point you can give him a gentle reminder of where you are at with all the pcos, your clock ticking and that if you want a baby together you may need to get agressive.

In my experience with my husband and even my dad the harder you push when they are saying "stop" the worse it's going to be. He may not even need months Katie, but give him a couple of days.

Good luck to you sweetie, I know how much this means to you and I want so badly to see you get that beautiful bfp soon and have that baby hang on for you!

acchickpea · #19 March 21st, 2011, 07:27 AM

I would tell your DH the information about PCOS and Endo and what clomid and other drugs helps assist pregnancy just so that he is aware of what all this means (if he already doesn't know). My experience is not so great to get advice from me but I have been dealing with irregular cycles leading for DH and I TTC for close to three years. I've been on clomid seen a specialist had Ovidrel shots numerous amounts of blood drawn. I haven't been through the IUI/IVF process but the clomid was becoming too much... So I took a break from it all.... On other boards I found hot Lemon water helps to clean the inner body and the next cycle I got pregnant without the drugs... Maybe it's luck.... until I got a lose...

Sometimes you need a break from it all..... Less stress...

missy123 · #20 March 21st, 2011, 07:31 AM

I like what Julie said. Red got to the point where he was done... He was done trying, done with all of it and he just wanted me and to adopt later on. I wanted to keep trying so we had to sit down and compromise.

It is all so hard Katie - TTC for a long time wears you out and then throw some losses in there and it changes who you are. I want this for you just as much as you want it for yourself. (hugs)

I know how much it hurts.