[StaceygirlPa]

I know my dh would never blame me for the losses we have had. He gets mad when I blame myself. He always says that it is both of us that is causing the losses. Last night we were talking though and he said honey you do worry a lot when you are pregrant. He made it sound like that I am worrying the baby to death. He said this time you didn't want to go for walks with me in the woods because you were scared of falling. When we were pregrant in December before we lost the baby I did fall. When we were in the Er the doctor asked me if I fell and I said yes. She just looked at me then. I know the baby in December didn't have a chance because my HCG never did go up like it should. Alhough with this baby it was always in the back of my mind about falling. I am very clumsy and I fall very easy. I was watching what I eat becasue I know you aren't supposed to eat cold lunch meat and things. He would then get mad at me and say do you think back in the old ages they watched what they eat. I cut way back on drinking coffee in the morning and I cut my ice tea out competley. Then he said you always worry about losing the baby. He just made it sound like I worry the baby to death. After having so many losses how do not worry when you are pregrant?

[.:Shortcake:.]

It's natural to worry after having a loss(es). Honestly I don't think there is a way to not worry. I also think it's more worrying for us as women because we are carrying the baby so more things we do affect the baby. I don't think DH meant that you worrying made you lose the baby, I think it was just his way of telling you that he wishes you didn't worry (which isn't possible).

[Shadeauxe]

I agree with your husband on some things and not on others.

What I agree with:

• It's not your fault, the babies DNA comes from the egg and the sperm and both have to join properly for the baby to survive. I'm not saying it's anyone's "fault", but if most miscarriages are just the result of some wacky chemistry, then for a woman to shoulder all of the blame doesn't make any sense.
• You don't need to worry about falling. Your uterus is very protected and maybe falling is an issue when you're big (i.e. showing) and clumsy, when your baby is the size of a poppy seed, falling is not an issue.
• While you may worry a lot during pregnancy, everyone does, your husband was NOT implying that you are worrying the baby to death. He was expressing concern and doesn't like to see you in pain. That is all.

What I don't agree with:

• Avoiding deli meats is important now because of the nitrates and nitrites added to them. In fact, no one (male or female) should be eating meat with those in them, they are linked to numerous health issues including cancer. The reason they didn't worry about eating meat many years ago is because these preservatives did not exist.
• Cutting back on caffeine is not a bad thing. A little caffeine is ok, but too much is probably not great. If your iced tea is sugared, then cutting back on the sugar is good too.

Anyway, I have not yet gotten pregnant since my loss, so I don't know how I will feel. I think worrying that we're being as healthy as possible to give our babies the best chance they can have is something all good mothers to be do. I don't know whether I will experience increased paranoia now that I have had a loss, but I certainly plan to fight it as much as it can.

[*SamF*]

OK I want to smack that ER doctor. In early pregnancy the baby is so well protected in their little bubble and behind bone! A fall isn't going to hurt them at all!

Pregnancy after loss is always wrought with fear. But doing things like you were- cutting out caffeine, watching what you eat are good things, and shouldn't be looked upon as worrying to much. Being healthy yourself really helps in having a healthy pregnancy.
I don't think your DH was trying to tell you that you were worrying the baby to death, but more concerned that you were to focused on what could go wrong. Which I understand. It's so hard to be positive when you haven't had a lot of reason to to be. I think the guys see us hurting so bad, that they want to help, but for a lot of us our brains don't work the same way as theirs do, so their reasoning falls a bit short. But at least they try.

[missy123]

Ditto to all of the above. I love you and glad you feel comfortable enough here to vent

[StaceygirlPa]

Thank you ladies and Thank you Missy. I still feel lost but I think I will for awhile. I still don't plan on trying again so I am still confused about posting in here. Although this is home. No offense to the PL board it just doesn't feel like home.

[lindsey2000k]

Falling did not hurt your baby. I fell down the steps when I was about 9 weeks with DD and she was just fine. I even went crashing though the babygate on the steps belly first.
They are so protected in the sac.

I worry about everything to though... its only natural.

Please feel free to rant and vent as much as you want. I do it and you guys always help me feel better.

[martilynne]

worrying while pregnant after loss is normal, heck worrying while pregnant is normal. You didn't do anything to cause you to loose your babies.