[Banned-elly03]

broken, by Lifehouse is the story of my life, atm.
I think life is driving me insane, and the only things holding me together are my kids, the prospect of having another baby, and my husband (when he is actually around).
I told my therapist to "go to f***ing h*ll" on friday. he told me "maybe you should put TTC on hold until life calms down a bit"
my life has NEVER been calm.
a little background:
my brother died when i was young
parents had another baby
then decided it wasn't working out, divorced
i got pregnant first time
i had baby and 4 brothers to take care of
suffered through 8 years of school to become a lawyer
finally have life in a "good place"
"lethargy" turns into leukemia which gives me a year and a half trying to start my career and stop cancer from destroying my body.
I meet a wonderful guy
(the rest is from 2009 on)
we start dating
he gets recalled into the military
we get engaged and move halfway across the country
we get pregnant (twins)
he is told they are deploying him
we squeeze in a wedding
2 deployment ceremonies (him and his baby sister)
an "im coming home phone call"
find out the reason he came home is for getting shot in combat
twins are born premature after 10wks of PTL issues.
premature son, on a ventilator for premature lungs, has heart surgery and hernia surgery.
twins finally make it home from the NICU, 20 days into our 30 days notice of orders to move half way across the country!
we move halfway across the country
DH works 18hrs a day, while i care for two infants for 4 months
DH finally cleared for deployability
we get transferred again, to Hawaii (which we though would be a slow down)
my first m/c
son diagnosed with CP
son hospitalized for the 3rd time with pneumonia
husband goes to field
my first c/p
husband goes to the field, again!
my car accident, 2nd miscarriage, broken wrist
husband gets tasked to work 4am-8pm for 3.5wks straight weeks (including weekends)
I've had it with the army, take a 4wk vacation with the twins to visit my family.
i get back to find out about field training and a MONTH of field training in texas.
deploying in 8-14 months.

WHEN WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO TTC @SSHOLE??????

life doesn't slow down to fit our plans. If it came down to it, I could handle a baby and the kids on my own, if my husband is deployed. But the very little time we do have with each other is being siphoned away from us! His section is "over-manned" by 300%, but doesn't have enough people to cover all their taskings, and more things keep getting piled on!!! They are already worked to the bone!!!!

I am so angry at the military, and I hate that its spilling over into our marriage. I hate that my husband is such a loyal team player that he didn't take the medical retirement, so that we could go back home and enjoy a quieter life. I hate that I'm so far away from my/his family! (it would be something completely different if I had them here for support when hes working/in the field).
I hate that the chaplain (the only person aside from my therapist who Id talked to about everything) is away for training for another week or two. I hate that I am so emotional now that I can burst into tears at the drop of a hat (I NEVER used to cry).

I hate that I couldn't even come onto here for support because my stupid, POS computer is a POS!
I hate that my husband feels responsible for my losses, because of all the Army stuff thats been going on.

Everyone thinks I am so "together". I spent my entire "vacation" crying myself to sleep, trying to find the strength not to leave my husband just to get away from that stupid island, and the abusive relationship we are in with the Army!
I feel like I should demand family separation pay, because even when he is home, he is working on stuff for the Army!


It hurts so much when you love someone so much, but have circumstances that just make it so impossible to be happy together.













and the song, for those who've read all this way
Broken-Lifehouse
cookies for you, too!

[Shadeauxe]

Wow that's a lot. I can tell by your post that your stress levels are through the roof. I don't really have any advice, but I will track down something amusing....

A parrot singing, "You are my sunshine"

[*SamF*]

I'm so sorry! Wish there was a magic wand I could wave to make it all better! Big hugs!!

[missy123]

Being the part of a military family is never easy. With all of the moving and short notice it is hard to have that stability and normalcy you are looking for. You have so much anger and internal stress going on... I would take a notebook and write down all of the things that are bothering you right now because it is a lot more than TTC. You say you are thinking of divorce but what is really bothering you is that your husband is working all the time and not there to help support you. So if you got divorced you would never have what you really want - which is time with him. If he was able to get a date night each week for the two of you would that help? ((Hugs)) I hope you are able to work through these things. It must be internally very painful.

[Cait&AngelAbove]

I am so sorry that you have to go through all this. Being an army wife is not easy. I agree with Missy and think that journalling might really help you because you will be able to get your feelings out. We are all here for you!

[ohnicole]

It sounds like you are really going through a rough time. I'm so sorry.

[Erin84]

I'm a Marine wife and former Marine myself, so I understand what you mean about deployments, training exercises, field ops... It gets overwhelming after a while. What's his occupation? Maybe the two of you could talk about him doing a lateral move and supporting his Army brothers in a way that's more healthy for the two of you, or maybe he could do a rotation with a unit that isn't scheduled to deploy soon -- at least that would give you a block of time where things could be normal, at least for a little bit.

I'm so sorry for everything you're going through right now. My "all I can take" only lasted about 5-6 months, so I can't imagine it lasting so long. I'm glad you feel safe enough to come here and talk to us about everything -- we are ALWAYS here for you, El. Always.

[TnPhotoMama81]

Wow....sounds like you have really had a hard time. I am sorry that your husband isn't there for you like he should be. I am sick of the military thing myself and my husband isn't even gone much (he used to be active duty but hes in the reserves now).

*hugs*

[JessP]

I am so sorry you are going through all of that. I wish I had some advice. My military career is not as hectic and DH got out a couple years ago. I hope things can get better for you soon.

[pepper73]

I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now! We all have our moments of despair and frustration so vent as much as you need. We're here to listen and lend a whole bunch of shoulders! I hope that you and your DH are able to find a solution that will make his schedule less insane.

[Banned-elly03]

Originally Posted by missy123

Being the part of a military family is never easy. With all of the moving and short notice it is hard to have that stability and normalcy you are looking for. You have so much anger and internal stress going on... I would take a notebook and write down all of the things that are bothering you right now because it is a lot more than TTC. You say you are thinking of divorce but what is really bothering you is that your husband is working all the time and not there to help support you. So if you got divorced you would never have what you really want - which is time with him. If he was able to get a date night each week for the two of you would that help? ((Hugs)) I hope you are able to work through these things. It must be internally very painful.

Thank you all for understanding. My husband and I love each other so much, but his schedule makes it so hard to get real time together. His soldiers work 5-7 days a week, 10-18 hours a day, as well. He is an amazing leader who refuses to have his soldiers doing work he, himself, is not willing to do.
That means a lot of long days working, and then leadership paperwork on top of that.

Originally Posted by Erin84

I'm a Marine wife and former Marine myself, so I understand what you mean about deployments, training exercises, field ops... It gets overwhelming after a while. What's his occupation? Maybe the two of you could talk about him doing a lateral move and supporting his Army brothers in a way that's more healthy for the two of you, or maybe he could do a rotation with a unit that isn't scheduled to deploy soon -- at least that would give you a block of time where things could be normal, at least for a little bit.

I'm so sorry for everything you're going through right now. My "all I can take" only lasted about 5-6 months, so I can't imagine it lasting so long. I'm glad you feel safe enough to come here and talk to us about everything -- we are ALWAYS here for you, El. Always.

My husband is medical, and they provide the medical coverage for his brigade, a
nd medical support for events across the island (ROTC, COMGEN3 runs, etc). He is already locked in for the deployment and has NTC in two months, so they aren't willing to transfer him.

I feel so horrible complaining to my husband about these things because he has it just as hard, and he feels the need to shoulder the blame for how things are, even though we both know he can't do anything about it!

Originally Posted by pepper73

I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now! We all have our moments of despair and frustration so vent as much as you need. We're here to listen and lend a whole bunch of shoulders! I hope that you and your DH are able to find a solution that will make his schedule less insane.

I wish it were possible to make his schedule less hectic. He is such a wonderful husband and father and it just puts me in tears sometimes how much he misses. We were fortunate that his brigade was having a "bring your child to work" day today, so we got to spend time with him, though we were a bit restricted because our son is back on O2 right now.
Even counting sleeping, today was the most time we've spent together in over a month.



you ladies are amazing, thank you

Originally Posted by Shadeauxe

Wow that's a lot. I can tell by your post that your stress levels are through the roof. I don't really have any advice, but I will track down something amusing....

A parrot singing, "You are my sunshine"

You are awesome! That song was my oldest brother's favorite for the longest time. It would always put a smile on his face when he was in the hospital before he passed.
Thank you for the good memories, I needed that.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Just wanted to offer you a Hug!! I'm sorry your going through that!

[StaceygirlPa]

I am sorry you are going through so much. Sending you lots of hugs.

[amandakay29]

I want to offer hugs. I kind of smiled with your don't go icons My dh was/is Navy. About 8 months after we moved in together he had to go for a year of deployment to Iraq. I remember actually sobbing to him please don't go over and over again. He is now IRR until the kids are older.

On a side note...do you think military families seem to have more miscarriages? I know of 4 plus me in his close knit group of friends he was deployed with that all have suffered miscarriages immediately after they came home. Just wondering.

Again I wish there was something I could say to help.

[Banned-elly03]

Originally Posted by amandakay29

I want to offer hugs. I kind of smiled with your don't go icons My dh was/is Navy. About 8 months after we moved in together he had to go for a year of deployment to Iraq. I remember actually sobbing to him please don't go over and over again. He is now IRR until the kids are older.

On a side note...do you think military families seem to have more miscarriages? I know of 4 plus me in his close knit group of friends he was deployed with that all have suffered miscarriages immediately after they came home. Just wondering.

Again I wish there was something I could say to help.

I'm not sure the effect of military on miscarriages. I was high risk being a teen during my first pregnancy, and doubly high risk during my second pregnancy because of twins, and also because of my leukemia recovery.

I also had a lot of radiation therapy and chemo during my treatments, with unknown effects of my reproductive organs. There was a 20% chance of complete infertility.

So I'm not the "typical" statistic to judge by.
I know one of my husband's sergeants is going through IUIs right now