Just Need to Let It Out, I'm Hurting

LindseyE117 · #1 April 7th, 2011, 06:40 AM

Well I know it seems all I get on here to do is rant lately, but my family has strict rules about talking to anyone on facebook, etc. about these things.

Well let me start off with everything lately. First, my mother is crazy. She has a terrible gambling addiction, stole from me and my husband years ago (both money and my notary stamp to forge documents to steal money from her ex-which almost got me arrested because her ex thought I was in cahoots with her to steal his money), she completely lost it after everything was found out and tried to kill herself, it took her years to apologize for what she did, she starts problems within the family to take the heat off herself, and she has been running around playing games. I cannot take her stress anymore and both my sister and I had a huge blowout with her earlier in the week. We cannot take the destruction she leaves in her path anymore. It is just really sad because she is our mother, and I know deep down that she loves us in some weird way, but she refuses to get better. Plus she lies constanty.

Second thing bothering me is that my father is extremely sick. He has so many health problems that I cannot even count them on both hands anymore. He had fatty liver diesease, that turned into chirrosis of the liver, that now he needs a liver transplant for. Ironic thing is that he has never had a drink in his life. His body has never been able to break down alcohol so technically a beer would kill him. Well he has been on the transplant list for 2 years now, and in those 2 years he has had constant internal bleeds (complications from his liver not being able to pass a lot of blood through it), yet they cannot bump his name up on the list until he is near death. Plus, we found out a month ago that he has some serious issues with his heart. They almost wanted to do a double transplant (both heart and liver), but instead opted for open heart surgery. He is in surgery now and because of his illness, may not make it. I have been pacing the floor all day. I cannot sit, I cannot eat, I cannot stop crying. He is the only balance in my life away from the crazy that is my mother. I don't know what I will do without him. He is so young too, only 61.

This on top of my devestating loss of my grandmother (who was like my mother and helped raise me and my sister) 1 1/2 years ago, and my grandfather in February. They were the last happy things of my childhood. Because of them, I knew what family was all about. I still to this day cannot get over losing my grandmother. I miss her so much. Now the possibilty of losing my dad is killing me inside. Plus my loss in October and the strain of not getting pregnant. I am losing it over here. My patience is gone, and I just need someone to talk to without getting upset or angry. I am trying to keep it together, but I doubt how much more I can take. I have my own other issues to deal with and I feel beyond sane.

Shadeauxe · #2 April 7th, 2011, 07:12 AM

One of my cousins will scream into a pillow when life stress to be too much, so maybe just screaming will help take the edge off? I feel bad that you're going through all of this, but I never have anything wise to say. I just hope life eases up on you.

terajet · #3 April 7th, 2011, 07:21 AM

I don't think I can say anything to help except feel free to vent away. It always feels better to let it out.

We can choose our friends but unfortunately we cannot choose our family. No matter what they do they are family and it still hurts. I understand your frustration.

Sending you cyber-hugs and I will be praying for you dad.

.:Shortcake:. · #4 April 7th, 2011, 07:28 AM

I am so sorry your having to go through this. It seems like life is throwing you so many things at once and that has to be hard to swallow. Maybe you and your DH could get away for a weekend just the two of you... or if that isn't feasible maybe you could take a day and go get a pedicure/massage or just go shopping/movie. It's hard not to let things get to you especially all at once but hopefully you can find some happiness in this all.

pepper73 · #5 April 7th, 2011, 07:54 AM

I wish I had something to say to make you feel better. You have definitely gone through so much and things can get really overwhelming when they pile up like that. Your mother sounds incredibly toxic and it's obvious that she has no intention of getting help and turning her life around. It is so sad that she has taken advantage of you so much. I really hope that she is able to "wake up" and see what she is doing to you. What a tough situation. I am praying for your father. I hope he comes out of surgery stronger and healthier. It is a shame that he isn't a high priority on the donor list and I really hope that they bump him up so that he can live a full life. Dealing with so much loss is difficult to manage. Have you thought of going to grief counselor or a support group to help you go through the loss of your grandparents and m/c?

Please keep us updated on your father and know that we are all here for you. I hope that venting to us helps you and that things look up for you soon!

missy123 · #6 April 7th, 2011, 07:54 AM

First of all - you need to cut your mother off. Seriously. My father was a drunk and with any addiction it does nothing but hurt the family. The last time I had any contact with him was about 8 years ago when he called me up asking to borrow money because the IRS was after him. I hung up on him and we have not had any contact since. Her addiction is only hurting you - I totally suggest an alanon meeting fast. I don't know if they have meetings for the children of gamblers but an addiction is an addiction. You need help and If I sound harsh I am sorry but I know what you are going through and it sucks. The guilt of turning your own parent away is hard but the self destruction it is causing you is worse.

((Hugs))

pepper73 · #7 April 7th, 2011, 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by missy123

I don't know if they have meetings for the children of gamblers but an addiction is an addiction.

I totally agree. I'd contact Gambler's Anonymous and see if they have a gambling version of Alanon. I wouldn't be surprised if they do.

JessP · #8 April 7th, 2011, 08:38 AM

I wish I had some words of wisdom to impart. I dont' but I will add you to my prayers at night that you will find some peace in your life. And of course a cyber hug those always help

.

LindseyE117 · #9 April 7th, 2011, 09:42 AM

Thanks everybody. I needed out of the house so I went to a place my sister recommended looking for tutu's for my daughter's birthday. (She wants a blue tutu for her party but it is sooooo hard to find one that is blue in her size) This surprises me seeing how my anxiety makes me not want to leave the house. It was refreshing and I actually drove there with no complications. Even stopped by Sonic for a hot dog and a drink.

My sister literally just called me and he is out of surgery. He didn't need any blood (thank god), and he seems well. I am so happy my prayers were answered. He will be in a lot of pain though when he wakes up due to the fact that they have to cut his bones to get to his heart. Now only if they can get his liver sorted out. I guess at his stage it has to be a full liver and not half. I don't know why they will not take a living donor. We have tried. My husband even overed half of his. He is the best husband ever.

As for my mother, yes I am through with her. My main problem is if she dies or kills herself, can I live with the guilt? Then again, we went out of our way with her even recently, and she stole more money from us and she now has my cell phone in another state. My hubby said that he would go out there to get it because she has turned all the family against each other by spreading lies. I don't need to be out there with all the drama. I am going to look into that GA thing. She is supposed to be in it, but she keeps falling off the wagon. I need some type of support, because maybe my stress and depression is keeping me from getting pregnant?? I dunno anymore.

Cait&AngelAbove · #10 April 7th, 2011, 09:49 AM

I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of this. Life just sucks sometimes. Do something to spoil yourself. That is what I do when I feel down. I am so sorry for all your losses. I am glad that your dad is out of surgery. I will keep him and your family in my prayers. It sounds like you have a great husband. Can you lean into him? I do think you are better off cutting off contact with your mother. I know it is hard. We are all here for you so feel free to vent away!

*SamF* · #11 April 7th, 2011, 10:08 AM

So glad your dad is doing good!!!
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. I agree getting a hold of gambler anonymous is a great idea. Have you turned off the cell phone she took?

missy123 · #12 April 7th, 2011, 10:25 AM

Great news about your Dad!

You are not done with your mom... If so she would not have your cell phone. I would shut if off as she has probably sold it already for money. You are living her addiction and you probably don't realize it but a lot of your anxiety is coming from her. Would you feel guilty if she killed herself? I am sure there will be some bad feelings but YOU NEED TO LIVE YOUR LIFE. Call today, get support. There is probably a meeting tonight you can go to. Bring lots of tissues because you will cry. ((Huge Huge Hugs))

Here is a list of the meetings in TX

Meetings

missy123 · #13 April 7th, 2011, 10:32 AM

Sorry if I seem so pushy but I lived through a lot of what you are. You may feel mad at me right now - How dare I go against your mom when I don't even know you... but you will thank me later.

There are groups for families of gamblers and they have a good website. There are a few meetings in the state of TX. It is called Gam-anon.

Meeting schedule

.:Shortcake:. · #14 April 7th, 2011, 10:36 AM

I'm glad your father is out of surgery and doing well. And I agree with Missy...

LindseyE117 · #15 April 7th, 2011, 11:05 AM

No worries. I am not mad at anyone. I get it all the time from my husband.

We told her that if she did not ship me back my phone by tomorrow that we are turning it off. Believe me, my husband already has everything ready to call and turn it off. I just want my contacts out of my phone. *sigh* I have that feeling though that they are lost forever.

I also feel that a lof of my anxiety lately is coming from her. I was getting a lot better, even driving again (which I am so proud of!), and then she came along and it all went straight to ****.

It just seems lately that whenever I feel that good things are starting to happen, I am never allowed to enjoy some happiness for long.

Erin84 · #16 April 7th, 2011, 12:12 PM

My mother is extremely toxic and I just recently made the decision to finally cut her out of my life for good. At this point I feel like even if she were on her death bed I wouldn't try and see her, or even speak to her. I'll probably feel some guilt when she dies, but I figured out that the guilt I'll feel then is nothing compared to the pain she's already caused me (and Zach and even the extended family, she's just that good...) and would continue to cause if she were in my life would be much greater than the guilt over her death. My mom has never attempted suicide, but she's threatened it before (with a loaded pistol to her head and cocked, no less), so death and suicide cross my mind too. But she's not my problem anymore.

My grandparents also raised me, so I know how you feel there as well. My grandpa died in 2007 and it was so hard on me. Of course being home for the funeral was awful thanks to my mom being there, to the point where I've decided that I probably won't attend my grandmother's funeral when she dies one day, and when the time comes I'll explain to my family if that's what I decide. Whether they accept it or not is their business.

Sorry, I didn't mean to gab on about me, I just wanted you to know that I can relate in a way, and that if you want to talk, I'm familiar with the general situation, if not the specifics. I'm really glad the surgery went well and you can rest easy on that front. Whew! Now you don't have to worry about wearing a track in your floor

Nikki515 · #17 April 7th, 2011, 01:21 PM

I'm so glad your dad is out of surgery and doing well. I'm sorry you are having to deal with so much all at once, but I hope you are able to let go of any guilt about your mom and focus on YOUR life and the people who love you.

j&jmom · #18 April 7th, 2011, 05:19 PM

I'm glad your Dad is doing well and made it out of surgery and I really hope that this is the start of more good things to come.

LindseyE117 · #19 April 7th, 2011, 05:55 PM

Well last call I got my father was still in critical condition, but the doctors say that they believe that he can be upgraded to stable sometime tonight. That way they can take him off the sedatives and take his breathing tube out. He has tubes sticking out of his neck too. I can't bare to see him like that, so we will visit him tomorrow unless something happens.

Funny my mother called me a little while ago to "check" in on my father. She has been looking for any excuse to come out here, and she said she would love to be here to "help" us out. I told her that I did not need her help and asked her when she was going to send me my phone. She then asked if before my father went into surgery if he talked to his old job (in the divorce she got a portion of his retirement and he just retired but she hasn't feeled out the paperwork yet to get the money) about her money. I could not believe her! Oh wait, maybe I could. Ugh.

StaceygirlPa · #20 April 8th, 2011, 03:38 AM

I am sorry everything is hitting you at once. Happy that your dad made it through the surgery. My mom had 3 open heart surgeries before she passed away. It can be scary to see them when they get out of surgery.

As far as you mom I agree with the other the ladies. When my dad passed away I wrote off his family because all what they did was cause problems. When my mom passed away I did the same thing to her family. I found out it was easier to cut them out of my life then deal with the stress they were causing me.

I hope you dad continues to recover from his surgery.