When is it time to look into other options?

kaylakay · #1 April 11th, 2011, 01:17 PM

I know this is kind of a depressing topic but I think about it quite a bit...
I'm sure I'm not the only one who has and curious on the opinions.

When is it time to look into another option? I mean like adoption, fostering, etc.
I mean a women can only so many miscarriages.
They can only try for so long.

I mean I read an article online this woman had 18 miscarriages, flew to London just to see a certain doctor before she had a healthy baby. That's just insane.

Maybe I'm having a negative day but it makes me wonder how many more miscarriages can I have before I have to find another option? Because I will be a mom one way or another.

Anyone else feel like this sometimes?

LindseyE117 · #2 April 11th, 2011, 02:15 PM

My mother had 3 miscarriages before she had me and my sister. She then had me and my sister back to back. A lady from our church has 7 children and 5 miscarriages. Basically do not give up hope.

Me (and this being only what I would do), I would go on and try everything. Fertility meds, IVF, surrogacy, etc. I want a biological child with my husband as I have 2 from a previous marriage, and hopefully God will give me one. We have been TTC for 3 years with 1 angel. Keep your head up.

*SamF* · #3 April 11th, 2011, 02:24 PM

I understand what you are feeling. For me I just am not willing to give up yet. I know fostering is not for me, and the adoption process is also full of false hope and loss (been there done that). I had 3 losses before DS, then lost his twin and now two more losses before getting this hopefully extremely sticky bean.
TTCAL can be like swimming upstream with a boat going downstream tied to your ankle. Sometimes we have to remember to untie the stupid boat, it's hard enough without it.

Cait&AngelAbove · #4 April 11th, 2011, 02:41 PM

I have wondered the same but I know that I am meant to be a mother to mine and DH's biological children. It is what gets me through. Huge hugs!

.:Shortcake:. · #5 April 11th, 2011, 04:04 PM

I have lost 8 babies... and I can tell you that yes I have wanted to give up and there have been times where I've said that I was but it comes down to every time... I will be a mother. No matter what no one can tell me that I have to stop trying. I will continue to try. I do not want to have any more losses but no matter what I will go through what I have to, to have my rainbow baby.

Remember "Hope is a comforting reminder that tomorrow is another day"

Erin84 · #6 April 11th, 2011, 04:15 PM

I think that sometimes. I feel like once DH and I both have steady jobs we may put ourselves on an adoption list. (This could take about 5-6 years since education keeps getting slashed in CA and nursing programs are definitely feeling the heat, with declining class sizes and longer waiting lists.) Even if we're lucky enough to have our own biological child/children, we want 3 or 4 kids, and the hope was to be done baby-making by the time I'm 35. With how long it takes me to get pregnant, and how far off-track we are from us starting to try when I was 24 and now I'll be 27 this month, we're thinking we may end up adopting to add a third child to the mix. But we won't give up until I at least hit 35, so we're still trucking on. If we do add our names to a list and then decide not to adopt, no harm, no foul. At least we'll have the waiting part covered.

j&jmom · #7 April 11th, 2011, 06:05 PM

My babysitter had several miscarriages (not sure how many) and finally gave up the thought of having any children of her own. Her dh and her adopted a boy and then a girl a couple years later. Then, out of the blue, she got pg with no planning and she went on to have two more children (2 girls and one boy). This was all years later and she still doesn't know why it took so long in the first place, but I agree that you can never loose hope. Try other methods or adopt if it is in your heart, but things could still work out for you.

Nikki515 · #8 April 11th, 2011, 06:26 PM

I think that is an extremely personal decision, but I do know that no matter how you get your baby, you love them as your own. Some women can handle the emotional difficulties of multiple losses; for others, it makes more sense to find a child, through fostering or adoption, that wants a family as much as she wants a child.

Don't give up hope - you are absolutely right that, one way or another, you WILL be a mother.

missy123 · #9 April 11th, 2011, 08:47 PM

Hi. It is a very personal decision and one that takes a lot of time, thought and mental energy into. I suggest a book for you - easy fun reading and the book is called a few good eggs. It is about a few women's journey through infertility and loss but also covers topics such as adoption and egg donors.

Do you know why you are having losses? How far and how much money are you willing to spend to try for that biological child? How long are you willing to hold onto hope? Then there are success stories like Kari in the TTCWMA board. She was told she wouldn't get pregnant and after exhausting money and years at the fertility clinic opted for adoption. She adopted a pretty little girl and just before she was born she found out a miracle happened - she was pregnant! She is about 30 weeks now. So she went from empty arms to 2 beautiful miracles that will call her mom.

No matter what path you are led to go down you will be a mom. It may just not be the ideal way you dreamed of as a child.

(((Many Hugs))) I know what you are going through - I had 4 losses in 2 years.

beccasmom7718 · #10 April 11th, 2011, 09:15 PM

I think its a personal decision also, myself i've had 11 losses, all after my DD was born, Im starting to think having another biological kid is just not in the cards for us. But we keep trying, but we are also in the processes of foster to adopt, we are currently going thru training.
I would love my house to be over flowing with children, biological or not.
I have a sign in my house that says " may this house always be too small"
Right now if feels too big.

Do what you feel is a good option for you.

kaylakay · #11 April 12th, 2011, 12:05 AM

Thanks guys! I really appreciate all the answers. I have much to think about and grateful to have found this board of support!

StaceygirlPa · #12 April 12th, 2011, 02:43 AM

Kayla, I agree with the other ladies. It's a personal decision you and your dh needs to make. I have had 3 losses all in 1 year. Dh and I both want to have biological children so we will do what we need to have that dream come true. There are times I want to give up. My dream of making Dh a dad and me a mom is what keeps me going.