[lindsey2000k]

I hear from people all the time who know my situation to just be thankful that I already have a child. I truly am very grateful for her but at times I think it makes it worse. In my head I always think how did she make it and the others did not?
But this is what really gets to me... In the last couple weeks she has been asking for a Bruder or Siser. It just breaks my heart that she wants a sibling so bad and has no idea how hard mommy is trying to make that happen for her.
This weekend we finally got the big bedroom all decorated and her full size bed put up and moved her over there. Last night as I was putting her to bed she said "I get to sleep in the big girl bed room" then points to her old room "that's where the baby is going to sleep".... Just broke my heart so I told her yep that's were you slept as a baby and now you are in your big girl room.

Today we went to the bounce place with my friend and her 2 girls and Madison saw how their car seats were side by side and was crying cause she wanted to go in the "kids" car. So I got her in my car in her seat and she pointed to the other side of the car in the back and said "is that where the baby will sit because I would rather hold him in my lap"

This is just breaking my heart... I think maybe she listens more than I think to my phone conversations and stuff because she keeps talking about the Summer Baby that's coming.



Well that was my rant for the week...lol
Poor little thing needs some one to pick on so bad.

[StaceygirlPa]

Lindsey I am sorry you are going through that. It must be hard knowing you are trying so hard to give her a sister or brother. I hope you get your bfp soon and you get your rainbow baby.

[Nikki515]

Oh, how I completely understand how you feel. I have two kids and my four year old wants another baby so much. He was old enough to understand the m/c and that the baby died and he still gets very sad about it sometimes. He often prays for God to send us another baby, but this time a healthy one that will live. It absolutely breaks my heart. I just keep telling him that God has another baby for us and that baby will get here at the perfect time.

I think more than anything, his sadness has made me be stronger. I feel like I can't stress about wanting another baby if there is any chance he will hear me and it will make him sad.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I wish I could help somehow because I know how hard it is for me when someone tells me to just be thankful for what I already have. I want to scream that just because I have children doesn't mean I don't desperately miss the baby that we lost. And it doesn't mean that I don't long for another child to hold.

Wow, guess I needed a little rant too! It's nice to hear from someone else that has experienced something similar to what I'm going through. I hope we both get our rainbow babies soon!

[luvmykids623]

I get that all the time from people, and it drives. me. insane! I even flipped on one of my idiot coworkers who just wouldn't let up. She kept telling me that if I didn't get over my losses and start showing God that I was grateful for DS and DD he would take them away from me too. I went ballistic and made sure she knew what an a**hole she is and how I DO love my children, probably more than she does hers, because I know how precious the fact that they're here is. This is a long, painful, frustrating road that we're on. I'm sorry that you're going through this, and I hope that you're able to have your rainbow baby soon so you and Madison can have your wish.

[lindsey2000k]

Originally Posted by Nikki515

I want to scream that just because I have children doesn't mean I don't desperately miss the baby that we lost. And it doesn't mean that I don't long for another child to hold.

Wow, guess I needed a little rant too! It's nice to hear from someone else that has experienced something similar to what I'm going through. I hope we both get our rainbow babies soon!

Took the words right out of my mouth...... But I do have to admit before I had my daughter I use to look at people on the loss sites and think the same thing (I lost a baby before I had DD). I think it is one of those situations where they need to walk in your shoes.

I consider myself lucky. But it gets under my skin when someone says well at least you have Madison, like that is supposed to make the pain go away.

After I hit Post I thought to myself should I have posted this or not??? lol
I write so many posts and end up erasing them just because it makes me feel good to just type it out.
But now I am happy to see that I am not alone in these feelings.
But at the same time sorry you all have to feel this as well.

[KeepingFaith]

I completely understand and it is so heart wrenching. My DD is 3 and she keeps telling my she wants a baby sister and asking me if I can have a baby in my tummy. It makes me tear up and I just say "we'll see". And then last weekend at a family party everyone kept asking me when we going to have another one (they do not know about the m/c.) I just said "we're working on it". But, I hope this is your BFP and soon you can tell your DD she will be having a baby sibling!

[lindsey2000k]

Originally Posted by KeepingFaith

I completely understand and it is so heart wrenching. My DD is 3 and she keeps telling my she wants a baby sister and asking me if I can have a baby in my tummy. It makes me tear up and I just say "we'll see". And then last weekend at a family party everyone kept asking me when we going to have another one (they do not know about the m/c.) I just said "we're working on it". But, I hope this is your BFP and soon you can tell your DD she will be having a baby sibling!

My DD is 3 as well. Just old enough to know something is going on but to young to understand.

[kaylakay]

Oh I would give anything just to have one... I guess I just am not in the same situation... I always told myself I just want one biological and I'll adopt the rest... But once again I can't say because I haven't had an earth baby yet. I just know loss in general is frustrating and hard.

[lindsey2000k]

Originally Posted by kaylakay

Oh I would give anything just to have one... I guess I just am not in the same situation... I always told myself I just want one biological and I'll adopt the rest... But once again I can't say because I haven't had an earth baby yet. I just know loss in general is frustrating and hard.

This is how I felt after my loss before I finally had a rainbow baby.
I honeslty was done having kids and the pregnancy I lost last fall was a OPPS and once I got my mind set into a second child and how bad I wanted one that was it for me, it felt the same as before I had DD.


But for all of us who have or do not have a Bio child already that urge to be a mommy is so strong. Even if its an urge to add on.

I hope you get your Rainbow baby very soon!

[.:Shortcake:.]

From the other perspective:

I have NO living children and while yes I'm not in your shoes so I can't understand how you feel, I do in some strange way. When you lose a child no matter if you knew you were pregnant for a day or the whole 9 months the moment you found out your life changed. You made plans for your unborn baby. No matter if you have no living children (like me) or 19 kids and counting ( ) you feel deprived of that child you lost. In my honest opinion I think that any time you have a loss of a child that getting pregnant again and having that rainbow after the loss is part of the grieving process and part of the healing. No you will never get over it and no the new baby will not take the place of the one you lost, but it can help you heal. I would give ANYTHING for one child of our own for DH and I to love and I know you ladies with children already would do the same to add that child to yours. It shouldn't matter if you already have children or don't we all deserve that miracle.

[LindseyE117]

Lindsey I feel you. Mine are older. My DS is 9 and my DD is 8. I cannot believe it has been 8 years since I gave birth. It seems like time is passing by so fast and I will NEVER get my rainbow baby.

Screw others and what they "feel" is right for you. My sister likes to remind me all the time that I should be happy with the 2 I have. I bite my tongue all the time with her. Stay strong. It WILL happen for you, for us.

[cheryl22]

I have some of the same feelings my ds is 2. I watch my godson once a week he is 6m. ds crys every time we leave or he goes home he wants him to live at his house. we also have the crib still up in ds room since we have an apt so we dont have anyplace to keep it right now. everynight he says mommy my baby sleep in there. at times its makes it harder for me.

I went to a family wedding a few weeks ago. I didnt know that most my family new i was preg but they did. i had 5-6 people ask me if the baby was home or you have 2 kids right. It was hard. Im so greatful for df but its still really hard. I hope we all get our BFP soons.

Thanks for posting this i have wanted to for awhile.

[Nikki515]

Originally Posted by .:Shortcake:.

From the other perspective:

I have NO living children and while yes I'm not in your shoes so I can't understand how you feel, I do in some strange way. When you lose a child no matter if you knew you were pregnant for a day or the whole 9 months the moment you found out your life changed. You made plans for your unborn baby. No matter if you have no living children (like me) or 19 kids and counting ( ) you feel deprived of that child you lost. In my honest opinion I think that any time you have a loss of a child that getting pregnant again and having that rainbow after the loss is part of the grieving process and part of the healing. No you will never get over it and no the new baby will not take the place of the one you lost, but it can help you heal. I would give ANYTHING for one child of our own for DH and I to love and I know you ladies with children already would do the same to add that child to yours. It shouldn't matter if you already have children or don't we all deserve that miracle.

Thanks for sharing that. I didn't have my m/c until after both of my kids were born, but I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't have been so understanding of the struggles of people who had kids. All of you TTCAL ladies have inspired me with your compassion and strength and supportiveness. I am so thankful I found this board, and just wish I'd come across it sooner.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Originally Posted by Nikki515

Thanks for sharing that. I didn't have my m/c until after both of my kids were born, but I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't have been so understanding of the struggles of people who had kids. All of you TTCAL ladies have inspired me with your compassion and strength and supportiveness. I am so thankful I found this board, and just wish I'd come across it sooner.

I'm glad you found us as well. We hate having to welcome people because we know why they have to join but we are always glad when we can help others.

[SeaShell_Mom4]

I have 4 kids and when I had my m/c I was upset when everyone would say, well at least you have them. I love them with all my heart but I still have the loss of this baby that I loved too! My kids were so excited when at 8 weeks we let them know we were going to have a new baby in October. I had a great u/s that day and we saw a strong HB
The week I m/c I told my 7yo that the baby went to heaven and he sobbed, I sat there and sobbed with him. I was so heartbroken, and he said well mom can't the baby come back another day? I so wish I could have said yes. He was so upset and said he wanted to go to heaven and be with the baby.

I understand what your saying though, whether you have 1 child or 10, it's still the same. xo I have my 4 and I am heartbroken for them.

[Fruitfull_vine]

Hi everyone,
I mainly frequent other boards here but, I decided to visit this one since I too, have had a loss. My loss was at 20w2d, a little boy (Aaron Judah) died in April 09. It was the hardest thing I've (or any parent) ever had to go through! All my other children had healthy pg's and are healthy now so, to loose a baby so suddenly for no reason was just.... AWFUL! But I'm here to give you all hope! :-) Last April I had my rainbow baby, another boy Nathan Lee. It was the most wonderful day of my life! I know all too well, how the pain of loosing a child can completely devestate a famiy but, I also know how the grace and mercy of God holds us up during these times. I pray you all will know and feel His love and I pray you all will also be wonderfully blessed with your own sweet rainbow baby very soon! Don't give up hope!

[Erin84]

You know, I don't have a baby or a toddler or even an older child running around, so I can't say I know exactly what you're going through. But I can say, that I would NEVER look at another woman and say, "At least you have one, I don't even have that." Having one child or ten doesn't negate the struggle of trying to have "this" one, or losing "that" one. Some people just shouldn't have mouths.

[NsMommy]

I understand. My son is 3 and, for a while after my missed m/c, he still mentioned the baby in my belly or that I "lost my babies." One time he said, "You can carry me now because you lost your baby!" in a happy little innocent tone.

I have a hard time when people say that I should just be happy that I have my son. Like I'm not? I'm so happy I have him and, in some ways, his smile helps me through the miscarriages that I had. But it does not take away the pain. I don't understand why he was fine (1st pregnancy ever) and my other babies aren't on their way. Hubby and I SO want a sibling for him and we're both struggling with whys.

Honestly, sometimes my HUSBAND mentions that I should be happy just to have my son. I put him in his place but he seems to have a short term memory about it. Still, I can forgive him easier than other people who say it. I know he's just worried that I might be so depressed that my love for them would be diminished since he saw his friend's wife leave him and their daughter for a similar reason. I'd NEVER do that.

Anyway, I understand.

[Shadeauxe]

Originally Posted by Erin84

Some people just shouldn't have mouths.

I second this.

[Cait&AngelAbove]

I am so sorry! Kids are so perceptive.