[fromustobaby]

A lot of this post is me rambling...I dont know where else to go to get my thoughts out...I dont want to depress people or explain this whole thing (I told WAY too many people ) so I'm hibernating from people IRL right now...but I also dont want to worry/stress/depress the people on the boards that I frequent on here, so I cant write it there either...I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place...tell me where to go, and I'll go there...I just need to be SOMEWHERE!

anyway...

Started talking to hubby yesterday and he has been fairly stoic with the loss - dont get me wrong, he has been incredibly sweet to me, and wonderful with Kaiden...but very distant as far as actual emotion about losing his baby...

I think my grief freaked him out (I'm usually pretty even - even though I stress about things, I stay calm for him cause it helps him), I'm not strong at all right now...immediately I said how much I want to try again, SOON...and I was really surprised when at first he didnt want to try again at all...I told him that would kill me (because I feel like my body failed, and then to have a "punishment" of not being able to have another child on top of it...that was just too much)...

Basically, I had to explain that I would be ok, and that I just had to get through it...I think he just doesnt want me hurt...but, he agreed eventually and now we have a plan, and its one that I'm really excited about...

First, the OB was talking with the U/S tech and they were remarking that it seemed like there was fluid in the back of the baby's neck...to me, that means that there was a chromosome problem, and that the baby would never had made it...I'm racking my brain thinking about what was different between TTC Kaiden and this one and what I could change, so, this is the plan:

1. More veggies and MUCH less sugar (I'm a sugar junkie, and when I was conceiving this one, Kaiden had a birthday party with a HUGE cake, it didnt get finished and I literally ate more than half of that cake myself...I know it might sound crazy, but it was a ton of sugar, and I really think that could have hurt this baby) - with Kaiden, I was eating so healthy, and had limited sugar significantly...

2. I had a huge cleaning spree about a week before I ovulated...I used the black toilet bowl cleaner (the really dangerous one that gets out all soap scum but is insanely toxic), I was in those bathrooms cleaning for 2 days straight...I worry that being in the midst of such horrible chemicals could have contributed to an egg that was not healthy enough to survive - with Kaiden, I didnt clean at all...I'm going back to not cleaning at all (Matt will have to deal with that - which I explained to him during our talk)

3. I hadnt ovulated or had a period since having Kaiden, this was my first cycle back and I was still breastfeeding...I know my body had tried to ovulate for weeks until it got enough hormone to actually do so...in the past, my RE has put me on Clomid to get "better" eggs cause he feels that old eggs arent as healthy, I don't think that this was the healthiest egg because of that also...so, this time, we are waiting until one real AF, and then we will try from there (HOPING that we are only waiting a month!), I'm also done breastfeeding, so, my hormones should be regulating from that also...

4. I wasnt taking any prenatal vitamins (cause we werent *really* trying)...whereas with Kaiden, I'd been taking prenatals for 9 months beforehand...as of now, I've been taking prenatals since March 14 (when I found out I was pregnant), I will continue taking them, and hoping this break will give my body a chance to build them up well in my system...the vitamin I'm going to take is geritol cause a lot of people have found success with that one when TTC...

5. This time around it was near Kaidens b-day, and we only had sex one time in a two week period...so, the spermies were old also...with Kaiden, we had sex multiple times, so the spermies were fresh...this next time, we are having sex more often

These five things I can DO, and maybe they will help...and I'm hoping that will make for a healthier egg/sperm...its a lot of things, and I'm hoping that making this much change will make a difference - it cant hurt!

So, the plan:
we will prevent until AF...
Then, the next cycle, I'm gonna go full out (besides the things above):
-use Brandi's Lemon water detox for better eggs
-OPKs
-MAY use soy on CD5-9 (not a huge fan of soy, but my cycles arent the strongest), but I might end up asking my OB (who I love and who listens to me completely) for 25mg CLomid just to get my body going again (I normally have very very long cycles had a few rounds of Clomid and then a break cycle to get KAiden)

Crossing fingers that these things will help very soon (ugh, it is going to be so hard just **waiting** for 4-6 more weeks to even get AF!!

[terajet]

Going through a loss brings out all kinds of emotions we didn't even know existed. It is such a cruel thing to have to go through.

I am glad you were able to come up with a plan. Good luck.

PS....If you get your DH to do all the cleaning please let me know how you do that...I could use some help in that area....lol

[Cheshire]

You're doing just as I had, Tonya. I listed all of the ways that I could feel more in control next time, ways to feel like I could make everything better next time. It really made me feel better even just to THINK about how I was going to change things and hopefully improve my outcome. I wish you all of the luck in the world and if you need anyone to talk to, you can always PM me. I know how it feels to try to talk to people about your loss and they just plain don't get it or don't know what to say.

[fromustobaby]

Cheshire...please dont hide your siggie...seeing your rainbow baby ticker gives me hope that I will have mine soon...and thank you for the words...

I'm a "lets do it" sort, and NEED to have a plan or else I will go insane...still trying to figure out how I'll occupy my time until the next cycle...

[JessP]

That is great that you have a plan and feel confident about it. Talking to DH is usually the best approach . Men don't take losses the same as we do. This isn't something they can fix and for sure don't want to see you go through it again. I hope it only takes you a month and you get your beautiful rainbow BFP.

[joyguide]

Just wanted to add that with my past 3 pregnancies (all ended in losses, but I think I may have clotting issues which would have no bearing on what I did prior to the pregnancy) - all were preceded a few months by a 7-10 day full lemon/maple syrup/cayenne pepper cleanse...done by the book with NO cheating and teh whole salt water enema stuff thrown in. I mean, I was cleaned out through and through. I also eliminated all sugar and sugar forming foods from my diet for 9 months before my 2nd conception...and it completely normalized my horomones to the point that I was gaining fat on my thighs and butt instead of my belly for the first time in YEARS.

So yes...cutting out sugar (I'd also try all sugar forming foods if possible, but that's a tough one to do) and a detox/cleanse will most likely help A LOT. I had a naturopathic doctor who lived wiht DH and I for several months last year and she monitored me closely during teh 10 day cleanse, so it is safe and healthy and you will feel GREAT...after the first 5 days.

The only thing I'd keep doing while you are doing the cleanse is to continue taking folic acid. Since folic acid doesn't store in your system, I'd hate to have you concive right after the cleanse...and not have any in your system. I did that on my second detox cleasne (right before I concieve my most recent prenancy) and I think that's why it was a lot healthier, because I stuck with my vitamins as much as I could. The cleasne may not have been as powerful, but it still did its business.

Sorry for the long blabbling here...but I really think you're on the right track for getting things moving along. I hope I didn't overstep any boundaries wiht my info...this is my favorite subject (health, nutrition and detox!) so bear with me if I get very chatty. :-)

Oh, and I should also add...that before I started the cleanses and elimination of sugar/sugar forming foods...I couldn't get pregnant to save my life. Fifteen years of perceived infertility - with one very early miscarriage in my early 20s and one surprise loss in my early 30s. But other than that..once I started cleansing and eating right, I got pregnant 3 times in 18 months. Coincidence?

PM me if you have any questions about nutrition or detoxing cleanses. :-)

[.:Shortcake:.]

I think it is wonderful that you have a plan. I would also talk to your doctor to see if they want to do any testing. I know my doctor wouldn't do it until I had 3 losses but the doctor I have now checks you as soon as you have one loss because she said that there are so many problems that are "easy fixes" and she would rather treat me now than later. Good luck and I really hope you get your sticky BFP quickly!

[lindsey2000k]

Sounds like a good plan... but odds are none of that had anything to do with why you lost your baby so please dont blame your self for it. Most of the time there is just something wrong with the baby and it is Gods way of sorting it out. I know its hard to not have an answer and when I did not I blammed pop, lack of prenatals, smoking etc. I did quit smoking after my first loss and it was a total accident so its not like I was smoking while TTC. After my 3rd loss they finally did the whole lot of testing on me and found that I have a clotting problem.

I hope you get pregnant fast and its a sticky one!

Originally Posted by .:Shortcake:.

I think it is wonderful that you have a plan. I would also talk to your doctor to see if they want to do any testing. I know my doctor wouldn't do it until I had 3 losses but the doctor I have now checks you as soon as you have one loss because she said that there are so many problems that are "easy fixes" and she would rather treat me now than later. Good luck and I really hope you get your sticky BFP quickly!

Katie, I know most DR's wont do this if you already have 1 healthy child, thats why I had to lose one more baby before they started the tests on me. But its worth asking.

[Shadeauxe]

I assume when you say you're cutting out sugar that your mean refined sugar. You can't survive without any sugars.