[-Anna-]

After I lost the baby a girl at work told me, "Well at least you have Bella." Which is true, but it does not help the fact that I lost my second baby. Those were probably the most hurtful words someone said to me. I felt like she thought that baby should not have been important since I already had a child. If anything, I think that made it worse because I truly knew what I had lost.

The girl that I am talking got pregnant on accident with her BF on a few months while DH and I were trying for DD and just were diagnosed with having fertility issues. She had no issue coming straight to me and flaunting her pregnancy.

Well, yesterday she posted on FB that her grandmother had passed away. I know that it is so mean of me, but I really wanted to tell her today, "At least you have another grandmother."

Just a vent. Sorry. It's something that has been bugging me.

[missy123]

(((hugs))) Some people just don't know what to say / how to act.

[Brooke16]

She sounds completly different from people I have heard say that to me. I always took it as at least I have Brock to keep me happy. Or Brock keeps me more grounded and not so depressed. To me, in my situation I always hear it that way, not like Brock makes up for losing Gabriel, KWIM? But she sounds snarky and rude...

[.:Shortcake:.]

Some people just shouldn't be able to speak without thinking... I'm sorry you had to deal with her.

[Shadeauxe]

Sometimes people say things without knowing that it hurts other people. I have no idea what her intentions were, but you could tell her that it hurts your feelings so that maybe she won't say it to someone else in the future.

[luvmykids623]

I've had that said to me in two different ways. Some have said it as a way to point out that I have DS and DD to keep me happy and focus on them while I deal with this. Those type of people are struggling to find something to say to make me feel better, but don't quite make it. They don't mean any ill will, and while it hurts, I try to remind myself of that. The other type say it because they don't care what I'm going through, and they want me to know that they feel it's not that big of a deal. This girl sounds like the latter. In that case, the next time I saw her I would privately say, "So how would it feel if I said to you, at least you have another grandmother?" Then when she gets all huffy and "how dare you" I would tell her that's how she made me feel when she made that comment about my baby. People should not be allowed to open their mouth without thinking.

[lindsey2000k]

People say this to me all the time. And yes I am so happy I do have my daughter but that doesnt mean the ones I lost were not just as important as she was.

I had 1 loss before her and 2 after and they all hurt just as much as the last. Acually the ones after hurt more but I think each loss keeps getting worse because you are just adding more pain to pain already there.

[Cait&AngelAbove]

I am sorry she said that to you. Some people do not think before they speak.

[EJsMommy]

People that have not gone through a loss don't know what to say so they say something like that thinking it is comforting when it really does the opposite. No one has said this to me because I have no children, but other things have been said that was an attempt to fill the void but did not live up to the result the other person was hoping for. {hugs}

[acchickpea]

Sorry you had to deal with her comments... I'm not taking sides but sometimes people just don't realize that what they said was hurtful... I'm she was at lost for words but she was also flaunting her pregnancy knowing what you have been through... That would just rub me the wrong way too.... My SIL flaunts her pregnancy around me too knowing that I had lost and had a hard time conceiving.... thinking of you and hope things turn around for the best!

[StaceygirlPa]

Sorry she said that to you. People say stuff without thinking how its going to effect the other person.

[SeaShell_Mom4]

UGH! I get that all the time, it upsets me! My sisters friend said to my sister, well shouldn't she be okay, she already has 4. People can be so ignorant!

[ashj_1218]

I had to comment...that was prolly the worst comment I got out of all of them with our losses. And it was actually from a friend who I once called close. But she said it in that "snarky" tone that conveyed I should NOT be upset we lost our fourth pregnancy in a row...because I do have a child.

I do think that some people who make this comment are trying to be comforting. But I am not sure where they think that would remotely be comforting. Yes, we have children (some of us), but that doesn't take away the hurt of missing what we never got to meet. In SOME of ways, I think it was worse to have losses after having a child...because you know what you are missing. I handled my first loss, before Liam, MUCH better than the ones after him. And it might have had to do with planning vs. not planning. But I honestly think it was because I knew what I had lost and it felt more real to me. (Although first losses have a whole different set of pains).

I am sorry you had to deal with that. It is so hurtful when people don't know what to say and end up saying something painful to hear. I hope it makes you feel better that others feel the same way about that comment.

[j&jmom]

Regardless of her intentions, I am sorry for the way it has made you feel. I've gotten the same comments and others that were much worse. One day when I was having a bad day (exhausted from work and the boys being boys since dh has been traveling for work a lot this year and hardly home) someone (in my family) told me, "well, just imagine if you had three kids . . . I guess you're lucky you had a miscarriage." Even when I'm exhausted, I'm thankful for my boys! I was so mad at her I didn't talk to her again until our next family function (which was a few months) and we don't talk at all like we used to. Some people who don't know what is truly like to have a loss, are just completely ignorant of the emotions involved. I'm sorry you have to deal with her ignorance.