I ruined my mother's day... (kinda long)

LindseyE117 · #1 May 8th, 2011, 12:22 PM

So my family was dying to go and see Thor this weekend, and I canceled on them yesterday, so I told them that today we could go and see the first showing today (it is only $5 a ticket for the first showing).

Anyway, when we got to the theater it was extremely crowded. My anxiety started to kick in as I cannot stand large crowds. I feel clastrophobic and I start to hyperventilate. However, I have been doing extremely well with my anxiety disorder lately (even starting to drive by myself again!) and decided to try and breathe my way through it. It worked, for a while. The theater then filled up to where we were boxed into our seats. There was not even a space between us and the people next to us. I started not being able to swallow or catch my breath, but I held on.

The whole movie was a struggle, but I survived--barely. I have stomach ulcers and I have to eat by certain times or the acid in my empty stomach starts to give me severe stomach burn. My stomach started growling--loudly--before it was even halfway through. When the movie was over, and I stood up, the severe pains hit me. I smiled through it and got to the car. I needed food.

Anyway, I had been wanting Mexican, so my husband took me to a Mexican restaurant near our house. I thought eating would make it feel better, like it usually does. Well, the restaurant was extremely crowded--so no go. I fidgeted in my seat, struggled to sit still and breathe, and ended up running to the restroom to hide. I was almost to tears thinking someone other than my family saw me panic. I calmed myself down, and when I got back to the table the food was already there. When I tried to eat though, I could not swallow (another symptom of extreme anxiety disorder). I choked on my food and told my husband and kids that I needed to leave. I was full on panic mode at the point and my poor family had to bag up their uneaten food and pay and leave. The waiter kept asking us if everything was ok. I was so embarrassed, but my stomach was on fire and I could not breathe.

I got home and ate normally. ***?!?!?!?! Seriously?!?!? I had been doing so good! I ruined the whole day for our family!! My stomach still hurts but not like it did. I hate this. 5 years ago someone could have told me that I would have this, and I would have laughed in their face. I think I am stresed about the RE appointment, but I doubt it would cause all this. I want to be normal again!!

Cait&AngelAbove · #2 May 8th, 2011, 02:00 PM

Aw! I am so sorry! I a sure you did not ruin things for the. I am sure they were all just concerned for you! Big giant hugs!!!

pepper73 · #3 May 8th, 2011, 02:06 PM

I am so sorry you had such a rough day. It is NOT your fault at all! Anxiety is a very real thing and it's nothing you could control. Your family loves you and I'm sure they understand.

j&jmom · #4 May 8th, 2011, 02:24 PM

I'm so sorry, but I'm sure your family understands and who cares what other people thought. What you are going through sounds awful and I hope that you will conquer it . . . even if it didn't work out this time.

LindseyE117 · #5 May 8th, 2011, 02:41 PM

Thanks ladies. This whole thing has been a rollar coaster ride for me. I have great days, and then extremely bad days. I hate feeling closed in because of it. Blah.

.:Shortcake:. · #6 May 8th, 2011, 04:39 PM

I am so sorry your having such a bad day. *Hugs*

lindsey2000k · #7 May 8th, 2011, 05:42 PM

I am sorry

missy123 · #8 May 8th, 2011, 07:13 PM

I think you should be so proud of yourself that you made it through the whole movie like that! What an awesome accomplishment. ((hugs))

LindseyE117 · #9 May 9th, 2011, 04:12 AM

Well to make matters worse, yesterday was my O day and hubby could not perform. Joy! I have ruined my chances this month! I hope that the 2 days before it could still work, but I doubt it.

StaceygirlPa · #10 May 9th, 2011, 07:28 AM

Sorry you had a bad day. Sorry about hubby not being able to perfrom. I think they feel pressured from us every month.

LindseyE117 · #11 May 9th, 2011, 07:32 AM

Yeah well he kept making me angry saying it was all my fault and we ended up having a huge blowout over it, as usual. I am just still having a bad day over it.

EJsMommy · #12 May 9th, 2011, 09:38 AM

I am sorry for your hubby not being able to perform and that you had a fight about it. I cannot put myself in your shoes but it seemed that you conqured a big part regading your mother's day outing. {HUGS}

Erin84 · #13 May 9th, 2011, 12:15 PM

Awh Lindsey, I'm sorry things have been so crummy the past couple days

That's a lot of stuff all piled into one big mess, what with the performance issues and the fight right after feeling so anxious on Mother's Day. If your CM was fertile when you guys DTD a few days prior, then there's still a chance

luvmykids623 · #14 May 9th, 2011, 12:31 PM

I'm sorry you've got so much stinky stuff going on. Anxiety is such a hard thing to deal with. I'm also sorry about DH performance issues. My DH has had this issue quite a few times, and it makes ttc much more difficult and stressful. It's possible he's having trouble since he's afraid he's the reason you guys haven't conceived yet. That was a big thing for my DH. Great big ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) I hope things get better soon.

LindseyE117 · #15 May 9th, 2011, 06:59 PM

Thanks girls! Ok, I know this sounds weird, but I just read that one of my favorite chefs (I always dreamed of becoming a chef), Paula Deen, suffered from extreme panic attacks at one point in her life and was house bound. Is it crazy to think this gives me hope? She is so better off in her life now!

Oh and my appointment with my RE is tomorrow. I am freaking.

pepper73 · #16 May 10th, 2011, 05:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LindseyE117

Thanks girls! Ok, I know this sounds weird, but I just read that one of my favorite chefs (I always dreamed of becoming a chef), Paula Deen, suffered from extreme panic attacks at one point in her life and was house bound. Is it crazy to think this gives me hope? She is so better off in her life now!

Oh and my appointment with my RE is tomorrow. I am freaking.

It's not crazy that it gives you hope at all! I think it's inspiring and must make you feel better...less alone, if that makes sense. I love Paula Deen! Whenever I see her on tv, I want to go to her house & visit. She seems so warm and welcoming! I have suffered from depression in the past and while it isn't the same thing, it is similar in that so many people think it's something you can control on your own and they really don't understand.

I think you still have a chance from DTD two days before O. I also agree that your DH might be feeling like he is at fault and is getting stage fright. Men are much more fragile than they let on. Last cycle, my BF got stage fright because I let on that it was a good time to DTD. This cycle, I didn't tell him anything and it was much better.

I hope your week gets better! Good luck at your appointment!

SillyKitty · #17 May 10th, 2011, 11:14 AM

Aw, I'm sorry you had a bad day. I was like that right after my losses for awhile. I'm not sure what your insurance situation is, but it sounds like you would benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy. Working on the anxiety stuff would help with the ttc stuff, too. I hope you have a better week!

LindseyE117 · #18 May 10th, 2011, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SillyKitty

Aw, I'm sorry you had a bad day. I was like that right after my losses for awhile. I'm not sure what your insurance situation is, but it sounds like you would benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy. Working on the anxiety stuff would help with the ttc stuff, too. I hope you have a better week!

I've seen a doctor about it, and all he did was prescribe me Klonopin and some other anti-depressent. I have not taken any drugs for it for 2, maybe 3 years now though. Missy and Stacey told me about Wellbutrin, and I might ask my regular doctor for it. I like that you can lose weight on it. Especially seeing how I gained 5 lbs over last weekend alone!