[Summer Dawn]

This board has wayyy too many forums, but one big one, pregnancy loss is MISSING. I just had a miscarriage yesterday, and I've been doubled over in pain ever since, and I can't believe there's no place here to talk and share. You've only got a place once you're ready to try to conceive again after loss and want to talk about that. That's bull.

I actually have some questions on my miscarriage. Since it's supposedly the "size of a raspberry" how is that supposed to pass through my "closed" cervix? They want the body to do genetic testing. I'm passing all kinds of brown and red stuff, but not a dead baby. I don't want to be carved up in a D&C unless I have to.

Also, typically when does the baby die - before you ever see spotting or some time after? I had yellow, then tan, then brown, then brown-red, then red, for 5 days before going into the emergency room early yesterday morning with severe cramps. I was 8w 2d. The baby measured 7w 2d, but it had already been behind schedule in growth according to previous ultrasounds. I am wondering if it died on its own then I spotted, or if I spotted (placenta/uterus breaking down) and that's what eventually killed it.

My TTC after loss question: I'm a very young-looking, young-feeling 39 year old. But I realise that eggs probably age regardless of that. However, I had a very late puberty. Did not get my first period until I was 17. (I may have had something wrong hormonally or nutritionally back then, but back then doctors and parents didn't even think about that). Does a late puberty help me now in giving me a few extra years on my eggs? I've always said that if I don't have a baby by the time I'm 40, I'll stop trying. I changed that to "if I'm not pregnant by the time I'm 40, I'll stop trying". Now after this miscarriage, I've just wasted 2 months and I've got only 4 months left to either make it happen or stop trying or change my mind (again) about that little rule.

[MindyRambo]

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I don't have an answer to your questions, but there are all kinds of boards about pregnancy loss!

There is actually a board called pregnancy loss, and there is one called recurrent miscarriage and pregnancy loss, there are even others I'm not remembering. Do you not see them?

[Summer Dawn]

I see it now...I had stopped scrolling down after my eyes glazed over somewhere between Playroom 2006 and Playroom 2005. Why would grieving and loss be BELOW old, archived boards?? If I missed it, I'm not the only one.

[outnumberedX3]

There is a board for it. You just have to scroll down a bit. I'm SO sorry for your loss. You will be in my T+P's.

here's the link: Pregnancy Loss - JustMommies Message Boards

[JessP]

I am so sorry for your loss and for it being difficult to find the board. We are there and the ladies are a great support. Please feel free to pop in and post and look around. There is a great thread on RPL about all the testing that you can do. There is a test that they can do to see how your eggs are. I can't remember what it is called. There are some over 40 mommas that have TTCAL and succeeded hopefully they can pop in and give you some advice with that. I am so sorry that it was hard to find the pregnancy loss board and I hope you will join us there.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Originally Posted by Summer Dawn

This board has wayyy too many forums, but one big one, pregnancy loss is MISSING. I just had a miscarriage yesterday, and I've been doubled over in pain ever since, and I can't believe there's no place here to talk and share. You've only got a place once you're ready to try to conceive again after loss and want to talk about that. That's bull.

I actually have some questions on my miscarriage. Since it's supposedly the "size of a raspberry" how is that supposed to pass through my "closed" cervix? They want the body to do genetic testing. I'm passing all kinds of brown and red stuff, but not a dead baby. I don't want to be carved up in a D&C unless I have to.

Also, typically when does the baby die - before you ever see spotting or some time after? I had yellow, then tan, then brown, then brown-red, then red, for 5 days before going into the emergency room early yesterday morning with severe cramps. I was 8w 2d. The baby measured 7w 2d, but it had already been behind schedule in growth according to previous ultrasounds. I am wondering if it died on its own then I spotted, or if I spotted (placenta/uterus breaking down) and that's what eventually killed it.

My TTC after loss question: I'm a very young-looking, young-feeling 39 year old. But I realise that eggs probably age regardless of that. However, I had a very late puberty. Did not get my first period until I was 17. (I may have had something wrong hormonally or nutritionally back then, but back then doctors and parents didn't even think about that). Does a late puberty help me now in giving me a few extra years on my eggs? I've always said that if I don't have a baby by the time I'm 40, I'll stop trying. I changed that to "if I'm not pregnant by the time I'm 40, I'll stop trying". Now after this miscarriage, I've just wasted 2 months and I've got only 4 months left to either make it happen or stop trying or change my mind (again) about that little rule.

I am very sorry for your loss. As the other ladies said there is a Pregnancy Loss Board if you don't feel comfortable posting here yet. I'm going to try to answer some of your questions. During a M/C your cervix does open to allow the baby & placenta (if your far enough along) to pass through. If you aren't that far along when you pass the baby you might not see to much except tissue it all depends. As far as when the baby died it's honestly hard to say. The doctors can check your egg quality but without doing that it doesn't matter how old you are or how young you feel they can't tell without checking. We have tons of ladies who are 40 & up that are trying now and some who are pregnant/have had their rainbow babies. So please don't give up hope. The ladies here are amazing and no matter where you are in your journey we are here for you.

[Summer Dawn]

Thanks. I reposted down there.

[Samoy]

I'm sorry for your loss. HUGGS! I lost my baby as well last week at 8w 2d, missed miscarriage. I had a D & C on Friday and still numb, sad and angry.

I feel your pain, as I am there with you. I did pass anything. I just went for my prenatal and found out through with the her missing heartbeat. I cried buckets as they continued with the ultrasound.

Again, I'm sorry and hopefully we can be there for each other and through others on this website. Again, BIG HUGGS. :-(, tears.

[Summer Dawn]

Samoy!!! I think I've seen your posts elsewhere here. I am so sorry!!! I had mine at the exact same time as yours. I talked to my mom, and she related several examples of miscarriages known to her at right around week 7-8, her own included. Aunts and friends. She asked, "what is it about that time period??" My best answer is that if the hormones are low, we can coast for a while, but we will hit that brick wall where when more is needed, and if it isn't there, we're gonna lose the baby.. Today I am suffering through whether or not I killed my baby, and if I'm being selfish if I try again. *big cry*

[JessP]

Summer Dawn you most certainly did not kill your baby and wanting to try again isn't selfish. Wanting to be a momma to an earth baby is perfectly normal and ok. Please don't think you did this or that you don't deserve to hold a baby in your arms. I am sorry that you are going through all of this.

[.:Shortcake:.]

I agree with Jess. Please do not blame yourself, there was nothing you could have done. And as far as trying again... I have 8 angels in heaven and I'm not giving up. I deserve to be a mom to an earth baby and so do you!

[KaiyaRae'sMomma]

has anyone posted this link for you yet?
Pregnancy Loss - JustMommies Message Boards

[Pame£a]

I'm so sorry for your loss hun and I'm glad to see you have found the other board. The boards above it aren't archived though.

I don't think puberty has anything to do with egg quality hun because your eggs are in place before we are even born. I think we all tend to find blame in ourselves for our losses and that's natural and you will get through that feeling hun. I've been there too.

I lost my baby at 19 weeks in Sept and it took some healing to even think about trying again. I turned 39 in December. I was ready to give up before we started because of my age. But we grew in our faith for God and genuinely feel He gave us the courage to try. I don't even want to put this in here because I don't want to upset you more but want to give hope....we are expecting again....so don't let your age set you back hun

God bless and I just want to say that the women on this board will support you in all you need wether ttcal or just healing and working through the pain of loss. The support here is amazing.

[lindsey2000k]

Originally Posted by Summer Dawn

This board has wayyy too many forums, but one big one, pregnancy loss is MISSING. I just had a miscarriage yesterday, and I've been doubled over in pain ever since, and I can't believe there's no place here to talk and share. You've only got a place once you're ready to try to conceive again after loss and want to talk about that. That's bull.

I actually have some questions on my miscarriage. Since it's supposedly the "size of a raspberry" how is that supposed to pass through my "closed" cervix? They want the body to do genetic testing. I'm passing all kinds of brown and red stuff, but not a dead baby. I don't want to be carved up in a D&C unless I have to.

Also, typically when does the baby die - before you ever see spotting or some time after? I had yellow, then tan, then brown, then brown-red, then red, for 5 days before going into the emergency room early yesterday morning with severe cramps. I was 8w 2d. The baby measured 7w 2d, but it had already been behind schedule in growth according to previous ultrasounds. I am wondering if it died on its own then I spotted, or if I spotted (placenta/uterus breaking down) and that's what eventually killed it.

My TTC after loss question: I'm a very young-looking, young-feeling 39 year old. But I realise that eggs probably age regardless of that. However, I had a very late puberty. Did not get my first period until I was 17. (I may have had something wrong hormonally or nutritionally back then, but back then doctors and parents didn't even think about that). Does a late puberty help me now in giving me a few extra years on my eggs? I've always said that if I don't have a baby by the time I'm 40, I'll stop trying. I changed that to "if I'm not pregnant by the time I'm 40, I'll stop trying". Now after this miscarriage, I've just wasted 2 months and I've got only 4 months left to either make it happen or stop trying or change my mind (again) about that little rule.

I am sorry for your loss. There are many loss boards on here but they are down towards the bottom of the list.
As for when your baby passed away you may never know. I always just go by the last growth of ultrasound.

Maybe you want to talk to your OBGYN about checking your hormones levels and such?

Originally Posted by Summer Dawn

Samoy!!! I think I've seen your posts elsewhere here. I am so sorry!!! I had mine at the exact same time as yours. I talked to my mom, and she related several examples of miscarriages known to her at right around week 7-8, her own included. Aunts and friends. She asked, "what is it about that time period??" My best answer is that if the hormones are low, we can coast for a while, but we will hit that brick wall where when more is needed, and if it isn't there, we're gonna lose the baby.. Today I am suffering through whether or not I killed my baby, and if I'm being selfish if I try again. *big cry*

My DR said about the 8 week mark your progestrone dives really low as the placenta takes over. Some times the cues to pick that hormone back up are missed and the baby never makes it. There are many reasons though. Mine is MTHRF and I form blood clots about that time they cut the baby off from nutriant and oxygen and kill it

[Summer Dawn]

Everyone says "earth baby". What does this mean?

This might sound crazy, but I'm learning that God, aka the Universe....or All That Is...speaks not in words, declarations, or commandments, but rather in gut-check, deep, quiet KNOWING. I had a drinking habit that carried over as a coping mechanism from my past abusive (rape, theft) relationship. The voice said, not as words, but as fact, "if you can stop the drinking and you will become pregnant". I fought and negotiated, but the first month I finally obeyed that hunch I became pregnant!!! Only to succumb to a miscarriage. I don't want to believe God is saying to me "Hey, I said "pregnant"!! Not carried to full term!"

I would love an intuitive to look into this and lend their opinion!

[lindsey2000k]

Originally Posted by Summer Dawn

Everyone says "earth baby". What does this mean?

This might sound crazy, but I'm learning that God, aka the Universe....or All That Is...speaks not in words, declarations, or commandments, but rather in gut-check, deep, quiet KNOWING. I had a drinking habit that carried over as a coping mechanism from my past abusive (rape, theft) relationship. The voice said, not as words, but as fact, "if you can stop the drinking and you will become pregnant". I fought and negotiated, but the first month I finally obeyed that hunch I became pregnant!!! Only to succumb to a miscarriage. I don't want to believe God is saying to me "Hey, I said "pregnant"!! Not carried to full term!"

I would love an intuitive to look into this and lend their opinion!

"Earth baby" Is a child that is born and here with you. Angel baby is a baby lost to miscarriage or even still born.
Rainbow baby is what we all hope to get someday and I hope you get yours soon!

I know all to well how you feel right now.... I just had my 3rd miscarriage in a row in the last 7 months.
My last one was an ectopic that could have easily taken my life but I am pushing on and want to try again this summer once I get the OK from my DR.

[Summer Dawn]

Is Time on your side? What should an old, but otherwise young, blonde woman do? Do looks mean anything? People think I'm 10-15 years younger than I am, as a rule, but does that help me in the ways that matter? As someone mentioned, because of things being messed up back then, my eggs might actually be even older than normal for a 39 year old due to whatever caused my late puberty at age 17. My fukkin **** parents didn't care one bit about this. They were satisfied as long as they were able to heat up pre-processed food in the microwave for the five of us. No one knew or cared in the 70s and 80s if you were skin and bones or showed up with bruises. I mean really.

[Summer Dawn]

***** I would be a better parent than my parents!!!! I am angry! They DID NOT deserve FIVE people to **** up!!!

[Summer Dawn]

Sorry Rachel for the profanity. I guess I was looking for someone to blame and picked my parents with the last two posts. Wrong of me, especially with swear words for sensitive ears.

[KDD]

Hi there. I'm truly sorry for your loss.

As an older woman myself I know how frustrating it can be to TTC knowing that the clock is ticking.

To test your egg quality ask your Dr for an FSH test. This is a simple blood test drawn on CD3. There are many women in their 20s with poor FSH and many women in their 40s with good FSH. I don't believe that the onset of puberty has anything to do with it (although poor nourishment and stress can delay it).

It's normal to want to blame someone for your loss. The sad truth is that an estimated 25% of pregnancies end in a loss. While you have set a timeline for yourself it is really, really important to take some time to heal (emotionally & physically) after a loss. I don't think that you're being fair to yourself by setting a strict timeline.

That being said, when you are ready to start TTC again, the members of this board are some of the most supportive that you will find anywhere. It took me 2 years (and IVF) to conceive my son after my loss. Without TTCAL I never would have stayed sane. I don't post very often anymore but I still lurk to see how everyone is doing.

Good luck to you.