[Erin84]

So the ER docs told me yesterday that what they'd really like is for me to get continued monitoring through my OBGYN. I didn't want that then, but I guess I do now. I don't have an OBGYN, I only have midwives, and I don't want to use the same midwives I used when I was pregnant with Drew. It's not that I have a problem with them, I love them, but I just need a fresh start. Anyway, I called my medical group and they're going to call me back about establishing service with an OBGYN through their women's clinic. The scheduler lady wanted a triage nurse to talk to me and help place me with the most appropriate doctor instead of just scheduling me for "first available" throughout the clinic.

Yesterday I got high during the day and used Trazodone to help me sleep, and also decided to start taking my Zoloft again. As of today I'm going to live as though I'm expecting to miscarry, but at the same time, not be quite so ... reckless? ... JUST IN CASE this pregnancy is slow-starting and we get a heartbeat in 4-6 weeks. Obviously marijuana is not conducive to pregnancy, so I'm not going to do that again... Neither is Trazodone (my sleep med), so I'm going to stop using that also. Zoloft is one of the depression meds that's considered "safer" during pregnancy, so I'm going to keep taking it. If we eventually get a heartbeat, that's probably when I'll wean off of it.

So that's where I am right now I guess. Expecting to miscarry, but respecting this pregnancy until it ends. I did start drinking caffeine again, but only within "safe" limits. Again, if we get a heartbeat, I'll stop. I know cutting out caffeine isn't necessary, but it's something I like to do.

So yeah. That's my morning in a nutshell.

[momof6lopez]

I think your plan sounds good, and I like the words "respecting this pregnancy". I have seen alot of weird things here on JM and you just never know where a pregnancy is going to go until it is "confirmed" either way....whishing you some peace today Erin, and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

[doremi]

I'm so sorry you're stuck in limbo right now I totally understand trying to prepare yourself for the worst, but try not to give up hope or do anything more that could compromise what *might* be your miracle pregnancy. Thinking of you during this difficult time!

[.:Shortcake:.]

I agree with Lori. I'm praying for you Erin with all that I have. I love you sweetheart and you deserve happiness.

[EJsMommy]

I just wanted to send you hugs and I wish I could take away your pain but words don't seem enough. I hope you can find the doctor that will do the best job possible in helping you with the pregnancy/mc you are going thru. I really do hope that is a slow start on the pregnancy and that it will pick up so that you can hear a heartbeat.

[LilHerndon]

I'm really happy with your decision, and I'm proud of you for dealing with this head-on and respecting the pregnancy. I still have a lot of hope for you, and won't believe it's over until AF shows. Just take it easy and focus on you for awhile and see what happens. Chris said he will be praying for you, and I will send all the positive vibes to you guys. Keep your head up hun.

[lindsey2000k]

I do like your plan you just never know I have seen some people get numbers like that and then they shoot up.

I also really think you need to be monitored because that can be a sign of ectopic or other problems with slow rising numbers. After all you have been through to lose a tube or something would be the last thing you need. With that ectopic I was getting very faint lines for about a week before it started to really rise.

Erin, just want you to know I think about you all the time... LOVE ya girl!

[owensmom]

I'm so sorry about everything you are going through. Hopefully you can get some kind of definitive answer soon about what is going to happen with this pregnancy. I think it just makes it worse to have to have this 'threatened' miscarriage. either it's over or its not. I'm glad to hear your decision to "respect the pregnancy" until you know for sure. Like the others said, you really don't know until it is over, but I can totally relate to wanting to not deprive yourself of things and act like you are still pregnant if it's not going to make it. I wish you the best of luck with your dr's appointment. hopefully whoever they set you up with can see you soon. And hopefully it all turns around for you soon!

[KeepingFaith]

I already responded in PAL, but just so you know, I love you and am here for you!

[TnPhotoMama81]

Sounds like a great plan. I can totally understand needing a fresh start and not going with the midwives you had before. <3 i hope nothing but the best for you!!

[StaceygirlPa]

I like your plan Erin. I am holding out hope that the baby is just a slow grower. You deserve to be happy. Love you.

[Erin84]

I use the University of California at San Diego for other aspects of my medical care, so I wanted to continue using them for OB services. I LOVE the care I've gotten through them so far. So the triage nurse calls me back and we go over my whole big history, from back in Jan 2009 when we first started TTC until now. She was very reassuring without being too chipper/hopeful. She said that because the numbers ARE rising, we're going to treat me like the pregnancy will turn around and be successful, because it's not unheard of. She did say that my numbers aren't good and the odds aren't on my side, but by no means is this a one-in-a-million thing. So my first appointment is Friday. I think I'll be five weeks exactly. I'm not sure what they're planning on doing, I didn't even think to ask, I was just happy to finally at least have a direction instead of just sitting here floating in a giant ocean of hopelessness and confusion... The nurse also told me that if the pregnancy does progress and I DO get a heartbeat eventually, that they'll be transferring me to a perinatologist, and that for any future pregnancies I should be seen by a peri as well.

So now I'm holding my breath until Friday. Or, rather, breathing deeply and drinking lots of water until Friday... I probably won't get any answers Friday, but at least I'll get to talk to a doc.

[lindsey2000k]

HCG around 1500 should show a sac (about 5 weeks)
HCG around 5000 should have a heart beat (after 6 weeks)
At least this is what my DR's told me because I am to come in after 5 weeks and HCG of 1500 for a sac check and then 5000 6 weeks they expect a heartbeat.

[Erin84]

Hrm. It doesn't seem like I'm ever going to get into the thousands... This is going to be a strange ride...

One of the girls over in PAL told me that her numbers sucked and she ended up with a happy, healthy baby, and that she surprised the docs when they were able to find a HB on an ultrasound. I'm not that lucky, I don't think that's going to be me, but that little hope weed is starting to grow in my head and get in the way...

I keep wondering if this could be a blighted ovum, or an ectopic, or a ruptured cyst, or what...

[EJsMommy]

I will be thinking of you and especially on your friday appointment. Hugs.

[lindsey2000k]

Originally Posted by Erin84

Hrm. It doesn't seem like I'm ever going to get into the thousands... This is going to be a strange ride...

One of the girls over in PAL told me that her numbers sucked and she ended up with a happy, healthy baby, and that she surprised the docs when they were able to find a HB on an ultrasound. I'm not that lucky, I don't think that's going to be me, but that little hope weed is starting to grow in my head and get in the way...

I keep wondering if this could be a blighted ovum, or an ectopic, or a ruptured cyst, or what...

I think she was the same one trying to give me hope when my HCG was not coming back like the DR's wanted.
It was almost a whole week before my numbers got over 100 and then they jumped to 381 & then to 1258. But that was an ectopic so I dont know if you really want to compaire to my numbers.

Did the ER even check your progestrone?

[Erin84]

Originally Posted by lindsey2000k

I think she was the same one trying to give me hope when my HCG was not coming back like the DR's wanted.
It was almost a whole week before my numbers got over 100 and then they jumped to 381 & then to 1258. But that was an ectopic so I dont know if you really want to compaire to my numbers.

Did the ER even check your progestrone?

No, they didn't. They barely even agreed to check my HCG. This is why I've opted out of using military medicine when it comes to prenatal care -- they suck and don't let you ask for things for what they consider to just be "peace of mind." They suck, they suck, they suck. They suck big hairy donkey balls.

My temp is still high though. I'm usually around a 97.7 after ovulation, but I'm around 98.6, so almost a full degree higher. I kind of want to keep taking my temp in the mornings... I feel like at least that way I'd get an indicator of if I might miscarry soon...

[lindsey2000k]

I dont blame you. I was still temping and using IC's everyday up until It was confirmed ectopic. I have the progression of them 1 a day for 2 weeks.

I wish they would have checked your progestrone because very low progesterone can be another sign of ectopic (mine was 5.2 and with 100mg a day of progestrone it only got to 11... it was 12 on a non pregnant cycle after ovulation.)

The DR you talked to cant get you in just for another beta check before Friday?

[missy123]

Erin - while your sleeping medicine may not be safe, Unisom is. I have been taking it and my doctor said it is a safe medicine to take. ((Hugs)) Don't give up hope yet.

[Erin84]

Lindsey, the nurse said that she would prefer me not having my beta's checked again until at least Friday, because my beta's aren't telling me anything at this point. I'm not sure if they plan to recheck them Friday. I hope so. I have a feeling though that the beta's will have to get sent off to a lab though and I might not know anything till the following Monday even, since my appointment is Friday at 1. But that's just a guess, they may have a lab, who knows...

Missy, that's great to know, thank you. I used Benadryl once, my midwife said it was safe and the side effect of drowsiness would help me sleep. I'm sure in the coming days, and definitely Thursday, I'll need SOMETHING to help me get some rest.