Confronting the Sister-in-law

acchickpea · #1 June 30th, 2011, 09:41 AM

Is it wise to confront my sister-in-law about her pregnancy two weeks after my loss? This was about three month ago and I don't think I could comfortably move on from my loss... It's her talking about her pregnancy progess that makes me upset.
I really want to confront her to see if she planned her pregnancy because I was pregnant... (I really feel like she did... a little competition.. maybe)
My husband said it would be no good coming from the confrontation because it would make her feel uncomfortable to talk to me about her baby progress (which I do want to be a part of but it really hurts) and makes me feel like a total jealous one....
It just really bothers me inside... I feel like I need to tell her that I'm not completely over my loss and it's hard because she's pregnant (Let me remind you ladies that she said that she wasn't ready for kids because she and my BIL had issues to resolve... until I announced I was preggo at 4.5 weeks ....and I had my loss at 10 weeks... and two weeks after my loss she announces that she was about 4.5 weeks pregnant.....go figure... ) *vent*
Let's do the math... they started knooky knooky once they found out I was preggo... right?

I feel bottled... would confronting the SIL help me?

Cait&AngelAbove · #2 June 30th, 2011, 10:09 AM

I told my SIL that her talking about her pregnancy bothered me. I had to stand up for myself and protect myself. I think you should say something to her but I do not think I would say anything about if she got pregnant because you were. My SIL and I did not talk for three months after I told her that her pregnancy talk bothered me. But it was the best thing for me. Since then she and I have made up and spend quite a bit of time together. I am able to just be happy for her most of the time. I hope that no matter what you decide to do everything goes okay!

.:Shortcake:. · #3 June 30th, 2011, 10:13 AM

Here is what I would do... if you are close to her then write a letter getting all your feelings out but don't give it to her... just writing down your feelings should help some. If you really feel the need to confront her I would be very careful how you tell her. Maybe just tell her that your still grieving the loss of your baby and it really hurts to hear her talk about her pregnancy right now. It's hard when it's a family member (HUGS)

acchickpea · #4 June 30th, 2011, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cait&AngelAbove

I told my SIL that her talking about her pregnancy bothered me. I had to stand up for myself and protect myself. I think you should say something to her but I do not think I would say anything about if she got pregnant because you were. My SIL and I did not talk for three months after I told her that her pregnancy talk bothered me. But it was the best thing for me. Since then she and I have made up and spend quite a bit of time together. I am able to just be happy for her most of the time. I hope that no matter what you decide to do everything goes okay!

That's what I'm afraid of... I don't want things to be awkward between us... But I still feel like she needs to know how I feel....

Thanks for sharing your story...

Quote:

Originally Posted by .:Shortcake:.

Here is what I would do... if you are close to her then write a letter getting all your feelings out but don't give it to her... just writing down your feelings should help some. If you really feel the need to confront her I would be very careful how you tell her. Maybe just tell her that your still grieving the loss of your baby and it really hurts to hear her talk about her pregnancy right now. It's hard when it's a family member (HUGS)

I used my Blog site more of like a vent! I wrote things down but doesn't help me... I think when the moment I feel like she rubbing it in my face (maybe she isn't because she truly is excited.. and I don't blame her...) I am going to say that I don't think I'm over my loss.... short and it's the truth and shouldn't be offensive right? At least she should have some heart too... not how she announced to the whole family after knowing that I had a loss not so far apart from her announcement....

.:Shortcake:. · #5 June 30th, 2011, 10:33 AM

Quote:

I used my Blog site more of like a vent! I wrote things down but doesn't help me... I think when the moment I feel like she rubbing it in my face (maybe she isn't because she truly is excited.. and I don't blame her...) I am going to say that I don't think I'm over my loss.... short and it's the truth and shouldn't be offensive right? At least she should have some heart too... not how she announced to the whole family after knowing that I had a loss not so far apart from her announcement....

She should at least try to be understanding of your feelings. Next time she says something just tell her your not over the loss of your baby and let it at that. She should pick up on the fact that it hurts you and hopefully she gets it.

Shadeauxe · #6 June 30th, 2011, 12:38 PM

I do not think the confrontation would be very productive.

*SamF* · #7 June 30th, 2011, 01:24 PM

I don't think confrontation would be very productive either. If she tries to a talk to you one on one about the pregnancy- then I would just tell her that it's kind of painful for you to talk about. Let her figure it all out on her own. Questioning her on how or why she got pregnant is highly unproductive. Even if she did start trying because you were pregnant she isn't go to admit that. It really could be coincidence, I mean she would have had to get pregnant within a few days of you telling her- whats the chances that she planned that?