[LindseyE117]

Ladies I was doing so good for so long and I finally let all the comments catch up to me.

First, as a lot of you ladies know, my family is not supportive of us wanting a biological child together. My sister and father were equally upset when they found out we are doing IVF. I got chewed out over the costs and I am constantly getting comments and remarks about why it is such a bad idea to be doing this. The last comment I got from my sister was that she felt "deep down in her heart with all of her being" that this was not going to work and we were wasting our money for nothing. Basically she said she does not want me to get hurt and to expect the bad news when get told that it did not work. Then my father upset me by comparing me to Octomom, asking why I cannot be happy with the 2 children I have and told me I am going to end up resenting and hating all my children like she does. Seriously?

Secondly, I have tons of friends who are pregnant. All of them are getting exciting news. For example, one of my friends has 5 girls and vowed not to stop trying until she gets her boy. Well she found out that number she is a boy. My cousin is pregnant, a good friend from growing up is pregnant, and a few other friends are pregnant too. One found out she was pregnant while I was still recovering from my miscarriage.

Then, and I KNOW that this person did not mean it, a girl on the IVF forum on here came on to introduce herself. She went on to say that she was doing her first cycle but was not expecting to become pregnant until the 3rd try, because her doctor told her that it takes 3 tries on average for IVF to work. She was ok with that. Granted, all of the hormones that they have me on have made me into a crazy person, but I took that as an insult onto all of us trying to stay positive. Like I said, I KNOW she did not mean it in a bad way, but I didn't know how to repsond to that without being rude. I just said that what a crappy doctor who says that IVF won't work the first time at all. I mean, most doctors try to boost their sucess stories and give hope while letting them know that everyone is different. She just said that she is not expecting to become pregnant the first time, and she is ok with that.

Well I lost it. Balled like crazy, and lost ALL of my confidence. I am scared half to death now. I am afraid that my family is right, and I feel like I am losing control of my emotions. We only have 2 goes at IVF before we cannot afford to try anymore. I let everything negative that everyone said get to me. So my poor husband had to spend 30 minutes last night trying to calm me down. He just held me for a half an hour and rocked me. He once again told me to pretty much not listen to everyone else (no one outside of my family and on here knows that we are doing IVF), and that he is ok with everything. He wanted to do this so that at least we can say that we tried everything. We did everything we could do. That way we are left with no "what ifs".

Still, like I said, I know I am emotional from everything I have to take, but I felt so good about everything. Why am I doing this to myself all over again?

[Shadeauxe]

I assume that is a rhetorical question because none of us can actually answer it.

I am sorry that you're so stressed and emotional and hopefully, it gets better.

[missy123]

There is not much you can do about the ongoing negative support from your family Lindsey except ignore them.

As far as what you are feeling and the emotions (being scared, afraid it won't work, the cost, the fear, the hormones) all of that is normal with TTCWMA. The hormones are making you even more insanely crazy from an emotional standpoint. I did not go the IVF route - I just did clomid and I remember I was insane on it. Try to stay positive that it works... If you don't end up pregnant with the IVF then your husband is right - you tried everything you could. I am still paying back the IUI sessions we did and I have no regrets.

(((Hugs))) You are going through a lot right now. Everything you are feeling is NORMAL. Keep venting, we understand. ((Hugs))

HOPING YOU GET PREGNANT WITH THE FIRST TRY!!

[LindseyE117]

Thanks ladies, and yes, I know that no one can answer that question.

Plus yes, my hormones have me insane right now. I went off on a cable guy ringing my doorbell at 9am. He woke the kids up and made the dogs bark all crazy like. I slammed the door in his face. Lol.

I hope it works too Missy. I cannot bear the though of not ever having another child.

[acchickpea]

Lindsey... I (we) all feel your pain... TTC is such a world wind of emotions that letting out a good cry really helps! Seems so unfair that we have come across a loss or two but all you can do is try and see what happens. There are negative people out there but you only know your body and the limits what it can take.... You have a very supportive husband and have hope for you! Whatever the outcome I have my fingers crossed for you....
Hugs......

[*SamF*]

Aww Lindsey! With all the negativity you have had thrown at you, its hard to believe you haven't had a huge meltdown before. And yea, the hormones make it tough. We haven't hit the IVF level yet (hoping we don't) but I know the strain of TTCWMA. It's hard, it's expensive, it's frustrating and emotionally draining.
I'm holding out help that we both will be getting our MA rainbow babies this month!

big {hugs} girl!

[melissalaw]

Lindsey I am so sorry that your family is so unsupportive. You might try talking to them and let them know how they are making you feel. I wish there was something that could be said to make you feel better. I will be praying that your first IVF works and you get your miracle baby soon.

[mmllhh]

Lindsey, I really don't think that you should talk to you family about this anymore and if they can't refrain, i suggest not talking to them until you are done with your cycles. It's really none of their business anyways and if they can't be happy for you and supportive, then don't involve them at all. TTCAL and IVF are stressful enough, you don't need their crap on top of it.

as for getting pg after 3, all i can tell you about that is my sister had major pcos and endo and she got pregnant with her twins on her 1st try. So, anything can happen. Keep positive and stay away from anyone who causes you stress over the next few months...You need yourself and your body as relaxed as you can.

[kaylakay]

I am so sorry.

I personally have never dealt with IVF but I have heard those hormones can drive people mad.

I am really hoping and praying you get awesome news!

Just try to be confident and positive (and I know this is a million times harder than it sounds!) you WILL be one of those success stories that everyone around you keeps giving you.

We all loose hope sometimes.... but in the end.... we ALL keep trying so I know there is some hope in you even if its way down... Try to bring it up!

I am so happy for you, and just keep thinking you WILL get your rainbow baby!!!!

[lindsey2000k]

I just want to say keep your chin up. I hope it happens this month and you carry to term and never have to have the converstation with your family again.

[LindseyE117]

Thank you so much ladies! I just got a call back from my RE's office and I am not allowed to start my stim meds until I get my period which is p*ssing me off! I still have to take the Lupron shots twice a day, but I stopped my BC on Monday. Still no period. UGH!! I was set to start my stim meds tomorrow too. Now that will be pushed back unless I start my period tonight or tomorrow morning. For once I am wishing for spotting or something!

[Micksbabe]

I am sorry that your family is being so negative. I can never understand how a BABY can bring up such negative comments, isn't a new life supposed to be a happy positive thing?? I think you should listen to Missy since she went through the same thing!

Also remember that we all support you on here and will help you stay positive because you have a better chance of a sticky bean if you ignore the negativity and think positively. It might not work the first time but it CAN!! And I know a few FET babies on here that were conceived on the 2nd try

[lindsey2000k]

Originally Posted by LindseyE117

Thank you so much ladies! I just got a call back from my RE's office and I am not allowed to start my stim meds until I get my period which is p*ssing me off! I still have to take the Lupron shots twice a day, but I stopped my BC on Monday. Still no period. UGH!! I was set to start my stim meds tomorrow too. Now that will be pushed back unless I start my period tonight or tomorrow morning. For once I am wishing for spotting or something!

Did you quit BC mid cycle or finish out the pack?
If I remember right it will show once you complete the pack... or it should. But I have not been on BC in 5 years.

[AMiner86]

Sorry that you have to deal with so much negativity and it really hurts when it comes from family. I would stop talking to them until they are ready to be supportive or at the very least can manage to talk about something else with you.

[pepper73]

Originally Posted by mmllhh

Lindsey, I really don't think that you should talk to you family about this anymore and if they can't refrain, i suggest not talking to them until you are done with your cycles. It's really none of their business anyways and if they can't be happy for you and supportive, then don't involve them at all. TTCAL and IVF are stressful enough, you don't need their crap on top of it.

I 100% agree!!

I know things have been so emotionally draining for you but please try to surround yourself with support from here on out. You don't deserve to be treated the way your family is treating you and you sure don't need the stress. I don't know much about IVF but I do know a woman who has gotten pregnant the first time with it with both of her children. We are all here for you and behind you completely. I wish that I could magically take your anxiety and stress away but just know that you have a ton of women who are cheering you on!

[LindseyE117]

Lindsey, they had me finish mid cycle. I literally only had one more week of pills left before the green pills.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Lindsey it's always hard to stay positive when you have so many negative influences in your life. Know that we are here for you and that IVF is an amazing thing and there are so many success stories out there from it. We are here for you And stay positive chicky this is going to be it! Your going to get your rainbow baby!

[StaceygirlPa]

I was thinking about you. I agree with the other ladies. I would just stay away from your family. If they ask where you guys are in your ivf cycle I wouldn't tell them anything.

All of us are here for you.

[joanna26]

Originally Posted by mmllhh

Lindsey, I really don't think that you should talk to you family about this anymore and if they can't refrain, i suggest not talking to them until you are done with your cycles. It's really none of their business anyways and if they can't be happy for you and supportive, then don't involve them at all. TTCAL and IVF are stressful enough, you don't need their crap on top of it.

I completely agree with this! Sweetie you are stressed and hormonal (as anyone in your shoes would be), if anyone around you cannot be completely supportive right now then take a step back. You can do this

[JessP]

I am so sorry that your family can't just be happy for your. They are probably just jealous that you are following your dreams and not being miserable with them. I agree with the other ladies stay away and stay relaxed. I hope AF gets here quick, fast and in a hurry . Not often we say that. I pray this is your cycle and you get to spend the next 9 months hanging on the PAL board posting while getting kicked.