Oops...I forgot to introduce myself

bluebawler · #1 July 13th, 2011, 09:49 AM

I'm sorry ya'll! I been posting on here quite often now and I haven't even introduced myself!

My name is Kristen. Me and DH,Drew, are trying for our first. I also have PCOS

so I don't ovulate on my own and I just recently lost our baby

in May.

It was the most difficult thing to go through. We had been trying or a year without any help and my cycles were just out of control even though I had lost weight. Well enough was enough for me. I couldn't take the 2-3 months cycles anymore so I took the clomid(my doctor told me to take it and it would help regulate me if I didn't become pregnant). Suprise! I got pregnant on my first try! It was the greatest feeling ever until I had complications.

I ended up loosing the baby at 5 weeks. I had cramps for almost a week before I found out it had passed away(my doctors contributed the cramps to the uterus stretching). Then I went on to have a D&C which was a mistake. The doctor pushed it on me for money(yep). I ended up passing it minutes before I went into the operating room.

I was angry at the doctor and at God to the point that I didn't want to go to church. Its hard to do that being a Deacon's wife. I asked God "Why is it that all these welfare abusers and drugheads get to keep their baby but I didn't?" As the weeks went by things got better. I still couldn't shake being mad at God but eventually I got my answer when I read the book "Heaven is for Real" and also reading my Bible. God revealed to me that He wanted me to be closer to Him and taking my baby is what He had to do. I know my

baby's in heaven and is waiting for mama and daddy! God eased my pain finally and yes I am closer to Him than ever before.

So even though this seems wrong and not fair, remember that God has a plan for everyone and sorry this is so long but I had to get it out!

.:Shortcake:. · #2 July 13th, 2011, 10:12 AM

I just wanted to say welcome and I hope you get your sticky BFP quickly.

pepper73 · #3 July 13th, 2011, 10:43 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I totally understand the anger. It's all part of the grieving process and it's good to get it all out. I really hope you are going to switch doctors. Your doctor's behavior was completely unacceptable.

ArmyWifey_MrsCurtis · #4 July 13th, 2011, 12:22 PM

I'm new also, I loved reading your story. Welcome to the group. I'm so sorry for your loss. Our TTC stories are similar. You are completely right, God knows what he's doing and simply has a wonderful plan for us all. I look forward to being new to this group with you, and learning more about you and your DH. Good luck TTC, and I hope you get your beautiful healthy BFP soon!!

melissalaw · #5 July 13th, 2011, 12:22 PM

Welcome!! I am so sorry for you loss. You have such a positive outlook on the future. I was very angry at God when my m/c first happened also but then I realized that God does everything for a reason and God knew better than I. So glad your relationship with God has strengthened through this.

kaylakay · #6 July 13th, 2011, 12:30 PM

Hi and welcome!!!!!!!!!!

First off I am so sorry with your loss, I do NOT have PCOS but I have insulin resistance and trying to get my weight and insulin down before TTC again...

I have had 3 consecutive miscarrages and let me just say sometimes on my "off days" ill see a very young mother, smoking holding there baby thats just crying and think "SHE has a child and I DONT?!" I try to not make judgements but sometimes its so hard. Its me being jealous, and I am aware....

Dont be afraid to ask questions or ask for support thats what we are here for!

Hoping you get a

soon!

StaceygirlPa · #7 July 13th, 2011, 03:20 PM

Welcome! Sorry for you loss. I can understand your anger. After my last loss (which was my third) I was very mad at God and everyone. After the loss I ended up doing a lot thinking and soul searching to try to understand why God allowed this to happen. I realized that I needed to make changes in my life and I needed to get healthier. After I did the soul searching I handled my loss a lot better.

luvmykids623 · #8 July 14th, 2011, 05:59 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can identify with the feelings you had, as I know we all can here. I was hatefully angry with God after my first loss to the point where it scared me. I've always found comfort in God, but couldn't then. It got better with time though. After my second and third loss I was angry, but not with the hate that I had the first time. As far as the "why do you allow drug addicts, etc to have babies so easily and not me," I struggle with that on a daily basis. With my first loss my brother's girlfriend and her MOTHER were both pregnant and got to keep their babies. Her mother was a raging drug addict who tried to use heroin and crack for the first 20 weeks to get the baby to abort itself, and here I was with an empty womb.

We've been ttc take home baby #3 for a year now and with the rash of child killings in the news, the fact that my siblings are crappy parents, and many of the kids in my school are from abusive homes that feeling is a constant struggle. I try to remember that God has a plan, and some days I'm more successful at that than others. Know that all the ladies here understand it all too well, and will always be here to help you on your bad days... and your good!