Bitter, Bitter, Bitter

Cartersmommy08 · #1 July 17th, 2011, 09:01 AM

Is all I can feel. I hate it, it's not me. I am in a pit of self loathing and I want out. I'm a ball of anger and sadness and it's bothering me. I know I'm the only one who can change it, but I can't right now.

On a side note, I'm starting to worry about an incomplete M/C. I've been bleeding for what feels like forever, begining with my spotting on the 2nd of July. It's not heavy anymore like it was on Thursday and Friday, but every now and then I stand up and more, then nothing for a few hours. It's trailed off to spotting. I've heard when there is something left you hemmorage so I'm trying not to worry about it. My uterus seems to have shrunk substantially and is soft now and not the rock hard bloat I had.

I just wish none of this ever happend. I want my life back which I know will never be the same.

I'm so tired of feeling so down.....if I'm not "sick," I'm depressed or angry.

Has anyone gone through this, when did you begin to feel like yourself again....

.:Shortcake:. · #2 July 17th, 2011, 09:13 AM

((HUGS)) It is normal to feel this way. First off I want to tell you that if you feel like something isn't right with your body.. it probably isn't. We know our bodies better than anyone else. So I would call the doctor and have them do an ultrasound. As far as feeling like yourself.. I started to feel slightly more back to normal once AF arrived. I felt like I could start to move on if that makes sense. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. You can PM me at any time. I've been there and it does suck.

missy123 · #3 July 17th, 2011, 09:25 AM

It is completely normal to feel the way you are. I felt so lost, empty, angry, desperate, depressed, jealous, and sad just to name a few. I just wanted my baby back.

Everyone is different, every loss different. There is no magic time frame when you will feel better. I know with each of my losses I lost a part of myself. I will never be fully the same. However at the same time I promise you it does get easier as time goes on.

Take each minute, each hour as it comes and do not expect too much from yourself right now.

Servilia · #4 July 17th, 2011, 10:04 AM

I understand the emotions you are feeling. I felt a lot better once the bleeding stopped and I was able to get back to my normal activities (bath, DTD, etc) and I felt even better once I got my first AF.

As for the incomplete m/c issue, you don't have to be hemorrhaging to have an incomplete m/c. I had an incomplete D&C last Oct. I had heavy bleeding for 2 weeks (not hemorrhaging but like heavy AF) and then spotting for another week. I got a regular AF afterwards, and then a u/s showed retained tissue and I wasn't bleeding anymore. I got another AF and the tissue was still there but getting smaller. If I hadn't had the u/s I wouldn't have known about the tissue because my body was acting like it's not there. It ended up disappearing on its own but I was SOOO close to a 2nd D&C. If you feel like something's wrong then don't hesitate to get checked out with a u/s. Don't settle for just a Q&A period with the doctor. They'll ask if you have a fever, discharge, smell, etc. I had none of those so my family doctor sent me home and said everything's probably ok but it's wasn't.

nala139 · #5 July 17th, 2011, 10:07 AM

Its been over 2 months since I miscarried and I often still wonder if I'll ever be myself again. I think about it constantly. I have a group of 3 girls from high school that I always get together with, two of them got pregnant with their second around the time I got pregnant. I hadn't seen them since the m/c but we got together the other day. It took all of my strength to sit there with them and their children and pregnant bellies and not run out in tears. I used to love getting together, they are my best friends but now I don't even want to be around them at all. I wish I could get past all this and feel normal too. What you are feeling is normal and I know how bad it hurts, I don't know how long it will take to feel better but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

LindseyE117 · #6 July 17th, 2011, 10:23 AM

It took me literally months to stop feeling bitter and angry. What would make it worse was every single negative I got from my HPTs. It took me 2 1/2 years to get pregnant with that baby, only to have it ripped away from me so soon. Every month was a struggle with me. It is completely normal. It is now 10 months since my loss and I am starting to feel somewhat normal again. It takes time, and everyone heals differently.

I would recommend though that if it gets really bad to ask for something to help you, like antidepressants. I hope you feel better soon.

acchickpea · #7 July 18th, 2011, 07:42 AM

I was completely bitter also... Trying to move on from a MC is hard but to have a family member (SIL) announce her prenancy 2wks after loss and now walking around with a baby bump makes it ten times harder to completely heal. I've only started to accept it and be happy for them just a few weeks ago. This is about 4 months after my loss... I think the thought that I am now able to start TTC makes it easier... Like there is still hope... Every cycle I get excited... But who knows if the cycle is not the one and i'm left TTC again... The emotions are like a roller coaster and it just plain sucks..... I feel for myself, you and the ladies as we have to struggle with our losses but don't give up hope....! I'll be damed if I do!

melissalaw · #8 July 18th, 2011, 11:33 AM

I am so sorry that you are going through this. What you are feeling is completely normal. My m/c was 6 weeks ago and I still have my days where I want to cry all day and just lay in bad. The anger and bitterness are still there but they are getting better everyday. I think time is what helps one heal. The pain will always be there but I guess it will diminish with time. I think once my body gets back to normal and we can start trying again, it will get alot better.

I hope you can begin to heal soon. Please remember that all the ladies on this board are here for you whenever you need us.

lindsey2000k · #9 July 18th, 2011, 03:30 PM

I am sorry

Each of my losses have gotten better with time, but I think it has damaged me for life. I agree with the other ladies once A/F comes and you move onto TTC again you start to feel hope and things fell a little better.

joanna26 · #10 July 19th, 2011, 06:43 AM

I'm right there with you sweetie. It has been several weeks since my m/c, we are actively TTC again, but I still have days (like today) where I am just pissed at the world and I hate feeling like this. It is so not like me to hang on to things emotionally.

BeckyBozeman · #11 July 19th, 2011, 12:42 PM

I went out to run some errands yesterday and it was the first time I'd been out "in the world" by myself since the m/c... Everything was making me angry! The obnoxious teenagers at the mall... the very pregnant women I kept running into... the store clerks that wouldn't leave me alone... and myself for not being able to talk without crying...

You're certainly not alone in your bitter feelings. I'm back at work for the first time today and everyone is so sweet... but I'm annoyed at the people that are overly sympathetic and I'm annoyed at the people that act like nothing has happened and I'm annoyed at the people that don't know and ask me why I look sad... and I'm the most annoyed at myself for having moments where I feel okay again.

I hope that you get feeling better soon...