What was life like before your loss(es)?

missy123 · #1 July 23rd, 2011, 06:54 PM

I was thinking tonight that before my losses I used to love to read, scrapbook, go swimming and hanging out with friends. After my first loss I got so depressed and lost interest in everything. And as my losses continued I sank farther into depression. My whole life was focused on getting pregnant to the point where I lost who I was.

I got to spend time with a friend today that I have not seen in almost 2 years and it was so awesome. At the same time it made me realize how much I alienated myself from the world.

What about you?

.:Shortcake:. · #2 July 23rd, 2011, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by missy123

I was thinking tonight that before my losses I used to love to read, scrapbook, go swimming and hanging out with friends. After my first loss I got so depressed and lost interest in everything. And as my losses continued I sank farther into depression. My whole life was focused on getting pregnant to the point where I lost who I was.

I got to spend time with a friend today that I have not seen in almost 2 years and it was so awesome. At the same time it made me realize how much I alienated myself from the world.

What about you?

I feel like I just wrote that myself. I am definitely not the person I used to be. I can honestly say I'm not "happy" with the life I have. I miss the old me but honestly don't see myself ever being that person. I used to be so carefree, happy-go-lucky person.

DH still tells me that my losses have broken my spirit, and he's right. Who wouldn't be broken after losing 8 babies. No one should ever have to lose one let alone 8. It's sad really what it does to you.

Braysmomma03 · #3 July 23rd, 2011, 08:39 PM

I agree, it sounds like I wrote this. Before the loss I was happy, I had hope. I woke up in the morning happy, now im just dragging along. It doesn't help that next month I would be due. Today we went to my bro in law's in laws and there was a girl 8 months preg, due next month. All I think about anymore is TTC, obsessing over my temps, obsessing over CM, obsessing over Opk's and BD and omg did we BD enough. Now that we found out DH has sperm issues I spend hours a night searching the net for vitamins and such to help. I wish I could go back to being "stupid" about it all, I wish I didn't know DH has issues, I wish everytime I see a baby I didnt bawl. We got an angel when we lost ours and tonight my son was telling my step-daughter about how mommy was pregnant but the baby was really sick and died, talk about a water works...

fromustobaby · #4 July 23rd, 2011, 08:50 PM

Its hard not to make thinking about what happened the obsession of every waking minute...I'm lucky that I have Kaiden and his wonderfulness to remind me of what I do have and need to be thankful for...but I'm definitely a lot more withdrawn around others than I was before...

There is an innocence that is lost, I hope that one day when I am pregnant and eventually have that rainbow baby that I can look back on this time as another life experience that made me a stronger, better, more grateful, patient, and more thankful person...

But, I do fel like my life will not be complete until that rainbow baby is here

BeckyBozeman · #5 July 23rd, 2011, 09:08 PM

I get sad and have the occasional crying jag... and there's this emptiness inside that I've never really had before.

But things go on pretty much as before. I'm trying to concentrate on the positives that I got out of the whole experience - I know that I really, really want a baby. And soon. I know that I have a wonderful partner that will stay with me and support me no matter what. And I know that I can trust my body and have confidence that when the time comes I will be able to have the natural childbirth that I want.

StaceygirlPa · #6 July 24th, 2011, 06:43 AM

Dh tells me that our 3 losses has changed me. That is why he is scared to keep on trying. Dh said he wants to see me happy not sad. Before our losses I always talked to my friends and let them know how things were. Now after the losses I keep everything inside. If I don't keep trying for a rainbow baby I know I will feel like I failed. I feel like my life will not be complete until I am holding our rainbow baby in my arms.

Shadeauxe · #7 July 24th, 2011, 03:46 PM

I haven't changed significantly, but I already know that I am not normal. My loss was not traumatic to me because I process things differently from most people.

momof6lopez · #8 July 24th, 2011, 04:29 PM

I could write a book, but instead it just saddens me I met so many young women that have not yet held their rainbow baby's or any baby for that matter. This board has opened my eyes to such real heartache that I so wish was never there. I guess this is the most signifcant thing I have experienced.

Banned-elly03 · #9 July 24th, 2011, 06:38 PM

I've become a lot more family-centric since my losses, which is why I disappear from the online world for stretches of time. My brothers and parents pointed out that I haven't been calling as much, my whole world is right here, in my house. Sometimes I forget theres a world outside my own!