I Feel Silly But...

BeckyBozeman · #1 July 27th, 2011, 11:14 AM

I can't seem to stop myself from going back and reading the posts in the Jan DDC. It hurts a little, and even makes me a little angry, to read about their progress and think about where I should be. But it's also a little cathartic. I posted there for almost three months. I got to know a few of the ladies a little. I'm curious and want to see everyone there have healthy babies, both to give myself hope and so that I don't feel bitter about them all going on without me.

But I feel a teensy bit stalkerish....

Anyone else still lurk in the DDC or PR that you were supposed to be part of?

Micksbabe · #2 July 27th, 2011, 11:19 AM

I do

it made me sad at first but now I have had enough time to heal I am happy tomsee everyone grow!! Especially because there are a few fabulous ladies from this board that are in my old DDC

so I have to check on them!!

*SamF* · #3 July 27th, 2011, 11:45 AM

I do but not as much as I used to. They have all had their babies now, and its hard looking at the siggies and thinking I should have two little boys in mine not just my one.

melissalaw · #4 July 27th, 2011, 11:55 AM

I did right after my loss but not so much now. Still makes me very sad to think about it and where I should be in my pregnancy.

sandiegomom · #5 July 27th, 2011, 01:09 PM

Yep...I did it a lot the first week or two.. but not as much now. I do it because I like to see where I would be right now I guess. Oh...I would be getting my first u/s this week...things like that. do whatever helps you deal with your loss.

3Sapphires · #6 July 27th, 2011, 01:18 PM

yes, I was constantly lurking in the jan 2011 ddc, it took me about 2 months to stop checking in so often - it helps that I hide all the DDC's and PR's.

It felt awful to know they were moving on with out me.

*hugs* for you

pepper73 · #7 July 27th, 2011, 01:20 PM

I joined here when I lost my baby so I didn't join a DDC. But, I do still have my app on my phone showing my baby's progression that I started when I got pregnant and every once in a while I check it to see how big it would be, how long I'd have left, etc. I don't know why I do it because it does hurt. I guess in a way it keeps me from forgetting (not that I ever could) and it also motivates me to keep trying because someday soon I will be able to follow that progression through an entire pregnancy.

As for the DDC, I think part of why you may keep going there is because not only did you lose your baby, but you kind of lost that group you were in (I apologize if that came out wrong...it's hard to put into words) and I think going back there is part of how you are dealing with that huge grief. Does that make sense?

missy123 · #8 July 27th, 2011, 01:23 PM

Yes and it still makes me cry! I should have a baby that is about to be 2 years old. I lurk in there and think "would my little boy/girl be celebrating the big 2 this Thanksgiving"? Would he/she be walking and talking and what would life be like now? I was also a part of the May DDC - the other pregnancies I never joined in the DDC's. **sigh

lindsey2000k · #9 July 27th, 2011, 01:54 PM

Yes I stalked the september DDC for about a month but had to move on because it was worse on me.

luvmykids623 · #10 July 27th, 2011, 01:57 PM

I did that occasionally while they were still pregnant. Once the babies started coming and I still wasn't pregnant, I couldn't do it anymore. It hurt too much.

StaceygirlPa · #11 July 27th, 2011, 02:02 PM

The only ddc I check on now is October. It hurts seeing where everyone is at. I still check on up on that ddc since there are some ladies from this board in the October ddc. Besides the October ddc I don't check into any of the other one ddc's groupd.

doremi · #12 July 27th, 2011, 04:05 PM

Yep, I'm still posting fairly regularly in the Jan DDC... I care about those girls, and wasn't willing to let go of those friendships. They totally understand that, and have welcomed me with open arms.

.:Shortcake:. · #13 July 27th, 2011, 04:24 PM

I used to but then it came to a point where I felt that I couldn't get past my losses. So I can say I no longer do. I feel the urge sometimes but I can't bring myself to do it.

fromustobaby · #14 July 27th, 2011, 04:27 PM

Its too hard for me...I havent been back since I wrote that I lost my baby

BeckyBozeman · #15 July 27th, 2011, 04:33 PM

Thanks ladies... I know that there are a lot of different things going on there for me. I hope that as I move on and continue grieving that I won't feel the need to revisit what could have been quite as much. And hopefully it won't be long before I'm able to join another DDC and have the full experience.

I think that there's a part of me that's still trying to live vicariously or something, maybe there's even a bit of wishing I could be in denial or pretend that I still belong there. Sigh...

outnumberedX3 · #16 July 27th, 2011, 06:14 PM

I lurk in the Jan DDC as well because I miss posting in a DDC. I miss the Feb DDC as well since I mommy-guided them. I need a new DDC....

doremi · #17 July 27th, 2011, 09:00 PM

I think all of us former Jan. DDC-ers need to become April DDC-ers

The main reason I kept posting in the Jan DDC to begin with was to help the girls who I knew were probably going to be coming down the pipes after me with a m/c since I was one of the first to go. Then, I started to develop friendships with some of the girls, and decided I didn't want to leave. It has nothing to do with living vicariously through them, and it doesn't make me sad to hear about their pregnancies, because I fully expect to be pregnant again soon. I do however, steer clear of the ultrasound and belly shots. THAT is too hard... to see what I would be looking like if I was still pregnant. I don't think there is a right or a wrong way to handle "leaving" a DDC. If you want to check in, then do it... they will be happy to hear from you. If it is too painful, then stay away. The important thing is that you do whatever you need to do to heal from your loss.

sweet.hun · #18 July 27th, 2011, 09:05 PM

I stalk the Sept DDC frequently. At first it was hard, and it still is but I do care a lot about those women, even if I don't really post there. I made a lot of friends and I was so sad to leave them. Sometimes I get angry because I'm still not with them and pregnant, but I need to learn to let go. I'm sure I'll be checking in on them once all of them start having their babies. Which is going to break my heart, but I want to see all the cute babies.