what should i ask my ob tomorrow?

nlyates · #1 July 28th, 2011, 04:38 PM

hi... i just miscarried today... i go see my OB tomorrow... what kind of questions should I ask him? I really think i need a D&C even if he insists i don't need one. I have PCOS and DH and I have been TTC for almost 2 years... got our BFP on Sunday AM... confirmed with my MD on monday... and was supposed to go for my first prenatal exam in the AM with my OB... woke up this morning and i was spotting... i called my ob... and his nurse said spotting is normal, just to take it easy today... as the day wore on, things got worse and by noon it wasn't spotting... i was bleeding horribly... called my ob again... they were all out to lunch... called my md... he said for me to go to the ER asap. I got there... they did 2 u/s and lots of b/w.... they brought me paperwork that said "complete abortion" and sent me on my way... i've had 2 losses before... one in 99 and one in 2000... but, i wasn't this far along either time... i was 6 w and 4d today.

any advice on what to ask him would be a great help.
thanks in advance,
nikki

.:Shortcake:. · #2 July 28th, 2011, 04:45 PM

((HUGS)) I'm sorry for your loss. It doesn't sound like you need a D&C because it sounds like your body did it naturally. As far as what to ask your doctor I would ask them to run the recurrent m/c blood panel. Then test you for a lot of stuff. They can also check your hormone levels on CD 21 to make sure your progesterone level is where it should be. I also have PCOS and I know it sucks. Please let me know if I can answer any questions for you.

nlyates · #3 July 28th, 2011, 04:59 PM

I'm just devastated right now... and heart broken. Does today count as CD1 or what? I'm really dumb when it comes to this. I mean, i'm not going to TTC this cycle or anything....but... for charting's sake... i just was wondering.

.:Shortcake:. · #4 July 28th, 2011, 05:01 PM

A loss is devastating no matter how far along you are. I would count today as CD1. Your cycle might not be normal this first cycle it just depends on how your body reacts.

missy123 · #5 July 28th, 2011, 05:26 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. It is very heartbreaking. ((Hugs)) the girls are great here and on the loss board.

melissalaw · #6 July 28th, 2011, 05:29 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with what Katie said. It sounds like you don't need a D & C because your body did it naturally. Again I'm so sorry for your loss. The ladies on this board are an amazing support group.

lindsey2000k · #7 July 28th, 2011, 05:36 PM

I'm so sorry.
I agree with Katie, it sounds like your body did it on it's own and that is a good thing because you really want to avoid a D&Cif possible due to possible scaring.
Since this is not your first loss i would push for blood work to check for things like blood clotting problems.
One again I'm so sorry.

outnumberedX3 · #8 July 28th, 2011, 07:02 PM

I'm SO sorry for your loss!! HUGS

StaceygirlPa · #9 July 29th, 2011, 04:38 AM

I am sorry for your loss. The ladies here are wonderful. I agree with what Katie said. Hugs.

pepper73 · #10 July 29th, 2011, 04:57 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss! I hope that you find the same support and comfort that I've found on this board. I agree with the others that you probably don't need a d & c and also to have them do blood work. When you are ready to TTC again, we will be here for you.

acchickpea · #11 July 29th, 2011, 05:18 AM

So sorry for your loss.... Bear hugs to you.....
I would be curious to know where your hcg/beta levels are at... I guess for me it was like an indicator of how many more days/weeks/months I would have to get back to 0. The 0 (or 5 or lower) was a point that I know we would be ok to start TTC again...

nlyates · #12 July 29th, 2011, 10:41 AM

okay... i went...and got no answers... he handed me birth control...told me to take 2 a day for a week, then 1 a day for a week, then, i should start AF... and can try again that cycle? Really? That soon? I was in there a total of 10 minutes. Couldn't get a word in edgewise. He would not entertain the idea of me asking him questions. He told me to pretty much get over it and better luck next time... I'm going to go OB shopping ASAP... I need answers... not birth control...

lindsey2000k · #13 July 29th, 2011, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nlyates

okay... i went...and got no answers... he handed me birth control...told me to take 2 a day for a week, then 1 a day for a week, then, i should start AF... and can try again that cycle? Really? That soon? I was in there a total of 10 minutes. Couldn't get a word in edgewise. He would not entertain the idea of me asking him questions. He told me to pretty much get over it and better luck next time... I'm going to go OB shopping ASAP... I need answers... not birth control...

OMG did he say why he wants you on birth control? I don't know if I would take it unless there is medical reason?
You could honestly start TTC again before A/F even shows if nothing was medically wrong.... most of us have.

But yes I would find a New OB or Midwife right away.

nlyates · #14 July 29th, 2011, 11:31 AM

he didn't order any blood work or anything... he said the birth control has progesterone and estrogen in it...which i need right now... and it will help my uterus heal? and, sadly... today is my medical doctor's last day at his practice... he's going to prescribe me a mild pain killer because my OB said to take "tylenol" tylenol isn't helping... he said i can't take motrin, aspirin, or alieve... i knew i couldn't take aspirin...but i had no idea i couldn't take motrin or alieve... and he said 'i dont prescribe narcotics" like i'm some kind of junkie... i just don't want to hurt physically or emotionally... i've already talked to my psychiatrist... he's called in some klonipin so i don't cry watching commercials with babies in them. I've buried my copy of "what to expect when you're expecting" in the darkest corner of my closet. I don't want to ever forget this baby... but, i dont want to hurt... i can't even talk to DH without crying.... i feel like i've somehow let him down. while he only cried at the ER.... i just see sadness when he looks at me... i really don't want this to tear us apart.... He reluctantly went to work today... he said he loves me and no matter what he's not going anywhere...but... i'm fragile right now...and i'm paranoid... sorry... i'll quit rambling. i make no sense.

BeckyBozeman · #15 July 29th, 2011, 11:48 AM

I'm so very sorry for your loss...

It sounds like it's a good thing that you'll have to find a new provider. The insensitivity and lack of compassion that I've heard of from some people just infuriates me.

Do whatever you need to to grieve and make it through. It's different for everyone and there is no "right" way to grieve. And, though some people may not recognize it as such, this is a very profound loss.

And know that you're not alone in feeling like you've let your SO down. It's been two and a half weeks since I lost our little bean, and I'm feeling very sensitive and paranoid about DB. There's a little voice in the back of my mind that says that he must think that I'm defective now and he'll decide that he should leave me. I think it's natural for us to have some feelings of being defective in some way -- this is supposed to be what our bodies are made for, right? Why couldn't we make it happen? What's wrong with us?? My sweet DB is constantly reassuring me that he loves me and this doesn't change anything between us, unless it's to make us even closer. I'd say tell him how you're feeling, what you're fears are and let him reassure you.

Something that I've discovered since my loss is how often it happens and nobody talks about it. I've been very open about what happened. And I've had countless people come out of the woodwork - friends, family, coworkers - and tell me that they've had a similar experience. I had no idea how common it is. And most of the people I've talked to have gone on to have healthy, normal pregnancies and babies. I get a lot of hope and comfort from that.

Didn't mean to write a novel, but you touched on something that I've been thinking a lot about and it's helped me to talk things out, IRL and on these boards. Sending you lots and lots of thoughts and prayers and hugs!

.:Shortcake:. · #16 July 29th, 2011, 12:46 PM

I cannot believe how insensitive your OB was. I agree it's time to find another doctor. I have never heard of taking BC to help your uterus heal and I've lost 8 babies. As for not answering any of your questions that's a bunch of crapola as well. What does he think he is there for. ((HUGS)) I know the feeling of thinking your letting DH down but honestly they grieve usually just as much as we do but in their own way. I know my DH has grieved all of our losses as well but we grieve differently and sometimes it's hard to realize that we have to be there for them as well. Please know that we are here for you. If you need to talk, cry, rant, let it all out and we are here to listen and help you through this.

nlyates · #17 July 29th, 2011, 11:22 PM

when i walked in this morning, and checked in... the registration lady said "Congratulations Mrs. Yates. I understand you're here for your first prenatal exam! How exciting!" I lost it. I kept my composure, informed her that I called them on thursday evening, and let them know i miscarried. My chart was laying right in front of her the whole time... and paperclipped to the front of the chart... not inside the chart... but on the actual outside... was a copy of my bloodwork from the ER, and written in ALL caps in red sharpie was "MISCARRIED AT KDMC THURSDAY, JULY 28TH" how can you miss that? Then, after about 40 minutes, the nurse called me back to check my weight and blood pressure. She was like "you've gained quite a few pounds since you were here last" I was there a year ago... as I didn't have insurance and couldn't afford to go there for paps and etc... I went to my MD who loves me so much, he didn't bill me...ever. She also diagnosed me with hypertension. My b/p was 158/96. I know that's high. its WAY high for me... i usually run at about 110/60. I told her my blood pressure only runs high when I'm in pain... and to call my nurse at my MD's office and have her fax every BP result for the last 6 months to her. She said 'well, i'm just a nurse, i can't prescribe anything anyway...." and took me to the exam room. About 10 minutes later, in walks my OB, Dr Scaiffe... the first thing he says is "Congratulations Nicole! I know you've been trying to conceive for quite a while!" so apparently, he didn't read the paper on the front of my chart either. I'm never going back there again... not even for my 2 week check up. I will find another OB...even if its further from home.... Then... to top it all off, when i walked out of the doors back into the waiting room... there sat my MIL and step-FIL... they wanted to "lay hands on me and pray for comfort" right there in the middle of a waiting room full of pregnant women. I was like 'lets take this outside..." and i let them pray... but, instead of praying for comfort... they prayed for my baby's soul... i know where my baby is... Heaven. and I'm pretty sure my grandmother is being a baby hog right now, and rocking that baby every chance she gets. That's my happy thought anyway. Sorry for rambling.... I can't sleep. I dozed off for 10 minutes..and woke up sobbing... i dont remember the dream...but i'm sure it was something to do with my m/c... i'm about to take some melatonin and velarian root... and hopefully fall asleep shortly.

BeckyBozeman · #18 July 30th, 2011, 01:50 PM

Where are these people? I want to slap all of them for you! Hang in there... I know how hard it is. But you can say anything at all to us and we'll understand. Do what YOU need to to get through this and start to heal. That includes staying away from people that make you feel bad - like the in-laws!