[Cartersmommy08]

I guess this will be more rambling, but honestly, I have no one else to vent too. Because my loss was so early, I feel like people expect me to just be able to move on. Even DH, although I know he means well. I guess I'm not allowed to have the occassional break down. Especially when all that's been around me is babies and pregnancy lately.

The other comment I get, which hurts even worse is when people say "but look at the beautiful baby you DID have." I guess my loss shouldn't hurt because I all ready have a child. If anything, looking at my beautiful DS makes it hurt that much more because I truly know the joy and miracle I lost just weeks ago.

Today I tested again, ironic how I've been praying that the little pink line of doom would disappear for weeks. Today was Part of me felt relieved. Everything is clear, we can start again. However, it was even more concrete that this is over

To top it off a babyshower. Don't get me wrong, deep in my heart I am so happy for them. But it was just reminder after reminder for 3 hours straight. The joy, the excitement, the beauty of pregnancy. I felt tears well up a good 5 times. They revealed the sex today during the cake cut.....a girl. I don't know why but it shattered me. Again, this has nothing to do with the couple or their baby, I think its wonderful, but I just couldn't help but think I lost my baby girl. The one I've dreamed of since I found out.

I am a mess today.....I'm so sick of these bi-polar feelings. I just want to smile again and not be triggered into a mental breakdown.

Ugh, thanks for reading!

[lindsey2000k]

Im sorry. After my first miscarriage I had to skip baby showers, I would just send a gift. But almost all my friends knew why and understood.
I also agree I think its harder in some ways to already have a child and then have a miscarriage.
I had a miscarriage before my daughter and yes it was very hard but these ones since then have been life shattering. I keep watching her get older and knowing the age gap is getting wider for her to want to play with a new sibling. Also I keep getting the "mommy when can I get a brother or sister" question. She is only 3 and doesnt understand and it breaks my heart. She thinks I can just go to the store and pick one up for her.

[.:Shortcake:.]

A loss is a loss and no matter what it hurts. I'm sorry that your friends don't seem to understand what your going through. ((HUGS))

[melissalaw]

I'm so sorry for what your going through. I have a baby shower to go to in a few weeks and I am absolutely dreading it. I'm glad my friend is pregnant but it is just a reminder of what I loss. I still have some days that it still hurts so bad that I don't want to get out of bed. Just know that we are here for you whenever you need to vent. I hope things get better tomorrow.

[fromustobaby]

I feel exactly what you mean...I still am just desparately hoping that one day I'm not going to think about it from the time I wake up in the morning till I go to sleep at night...

I will say that it has gotten a bit more numb as time has gone on...but I'm always surprised at how all consuming it still is...

I'm visiting with a friend in a few weeks who is pregnant and am trying to prepare myself...its just so hard because the thought of that would have - WAS - me, is so all consuming...but I know if I was on the other side, that I would want everyone to be excited for me...so, I'm just going to try as hard as I can to just be positive and focus on her joy...