well, ttc will be on hold until next summer :(

sandiegomom · #1 August 23rd, 2011, 02:11 PM

just found out for certain that dh will be deployed again next july. he comes home from this deployment sep.15th....and we were gonna start trying again (after we had some testing done) that was our plan. But now that he is leaving again in July....I don't know what to do. i do not want him to miss the birth and the first six months of a baby's life. so.....unfortunately, that means I really don't want to try until right before he leaves...and hope it happens. luckily, i did get pregnant the last two times we tried, they just didn't stick.

I will be 36 next year in november, and we have already decided that it will be the last year we would ttc. I just peeked in on the march and april ddc...and felt so sad, dwelling on what could have been. but I know i have to move on, and I am. I guess i just wanted it to happen so much since I was soooo lucky to even see my husband twice during this deployment...and then to get pregnant both times. I guess I am just wondering why all that if it wasn't "meant to be" as everyone always says to me. anyways....sorry for venting. just needed to get that off my chest. i know I am very lucky to have two beautiful daughters already and I don't take that lightly, I just really wanted to be able to give my husband a child of his own....but he is an amazing stepfather to my girls. He says he will be ok if it doesn't happen, but I know he will be devastated because he wants one so bad. i guess what will be....will be. Maybe we need to think more about trying to conceive for one year longer than we originally agreed...Ok, I agreed to...

BeckyBozeman · #2 August 23rd, 2011, 02:19 PM

I'm really sorry Heather... I don't know how you military wives manage to not go completely crazy!

As far as TTC deadline - sounds like maybe you need to have a conversation with him. There's no reason for you to not give it a couple more years if it's what you both really want. I'll be 37 in December so I definitely understand the urgency...

Good luck, whatever you decide to do...

.:Shortcake:. · #3 August 23rd, 2011, 03:27 PM

Sorry to hear he is getting deployed again

I agree I think you should sit down and talk about TTC longer if necessary. There are plenty of women who have had children even after 40 and there are some now over on PAL. Don't give up on something you want. ((HUGS))

doremi · #4 August 23rd, 2011, 04:36 PM

I agree, it sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with your DH. As for TTC when you know a deployment is coming up... that is an entirely personal decision. Don't they sometimes offer a short leave around the time of baby's birth to military? I know it doesn't always happen, but I have heard of it happening sometimes. Depending on how your cycle aligns with the time he is home, it seems like you MIGHT be able to give birth before he left if you were able to get pregnant right away. Good luck deciding what to do. If it were me, I would probably continue to TTC, because my biological clock would be ticking. That doesn't mean that is the right answer for you guys though.

sandiegomom · #5 August 23rd, 2011, 04:48 PM

thanks guys..I know it is a tough situation and we definitely will have a lot to talk about. I am the one that is the most concerned about age I guess. That is the stupid RN in me, weighing in all the additional risk factors. But, I know many do go on and have perfect, healthy babies. I really am less concerned about him missing the birth then missing a full six months of the baby's life. my ex was military too..yep, i didn't learn i guess,lol. and he missed my first daughter's birth and the first 3 months, and he left 7 days after my second daughter was born for six months. so....you can see my hesitation. I wish he had a regular job. he was going to get out, but the economy is just to unstable right now, so he just re-enlisted for 3 years.

I know it will all work out in the end, and DH and I just need to sit down and make some decisions about it all....well, after Sept. 15th....
Oh, and in response to military leave for the birth...nope. not during a deployment. Only if they are in port or under going operations that they don't need them for...say, if they were going out for 2 or 3 weeks or something. but, they won't send them home from the persian gulf....unfortunately.

JessP · #6 August 23rd, 2011, 07:30 PM

I am so sorry he is being deployed again. I hope you guys can have a good heart to heart and decide what to do. Perhaps the end result is more the goal than him missing time? I have been lucky as DH was stationed on land with our first two and is now out of the service and I am active duty but I get to be home for the birth of our babies

. Sorry just being funny. I do understand not wanting him to miss anything. Its a tough decision either way. I wish you the best of luck and pray that it all works out for the best.

pepper73 · #7 August 24th, 2011, 02:57 AM

I'm so sorry you're going through this and have so much to figure out. I agree with the others that maybe you might want to think about extending your TTC time. I am 37 (almost 38) and I will not give up until I've reached the end of my options. I just can't. The biological clock is an evil thing and just adds more stress on top of the "normal" TTC stress. I really hope that you and your DH are able to come up with a plan that you both feel comfortable with.

*SamF* · #8 August 24th, 2011, 06:23 AM

I'd really talk to him about either completely removing the 'deadline' or pushing it way back. I'm also one that one give up until I reach my goal. I didn't have DS till I was 39, and although my whole plan was to have #2 by the time I was 40 fell through, I still want to try. It took us a lot longer to get pregnant and stay pregnant with DS then planned, and this one is turning out to be the same.

humnck · #9 August 24th, 2011, 07:05 AM

I am ss he is being deployed AGAIN! My T&P are with you both and your girls! I agree, I think if you really want it you should sit down and discuss extending the TTC period. My mom had my brother when she was 36 and wanted another and got pg with one a couple of years later, only to lose it again, but she didn't try for another and she has regretted it, it is something that you should seriously talk about, because it's a big decision, and one you should make together!

Good luck and sending HUGS your way!

.:Shortcake:. · #10 August 24th, 2011, 07:11 AM

I hope you both can figure out a plan that works for you hun

We are here for you!

sandiegomom · #11 August 24th, 2011, 08:16 AM

thanks ladies for all your replies. I know we have a lot to talk about. I just hate that he has to leave again so soon. I know it will all work out the way it is supposed to in the end. trying to stay optimistic

acchickpea · #12 August 24th, 2011, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sandiegomom

thanks ladies for all your replies. I know we have a lot to talk about. I just hate that he has to leave again so soon. I know it will all work out the way it is supposed to in the end. trying to stay optimistic

Good attitude! Being Optimistic is the key to give yourself that extra push you need... I wouldn't give up TTC just because of the number of an age. You're as young as you feel and fertile as fertile can be..... Fingers crossed!