Grrr.... :mad: RANT

BeckyBozeman · #1 September 9th, 2011, 10:47 AM

So I'm not having a great morning....

Still nothing for me... no BFP, no AF, no real signs of either. I'm now 2 days late, but who knows what my new "regular" is, since this is only the second cycle since my m/c. I'm peeing so much though that I've noticed that even in the morning there's not much there, so I'm hoping that it's pretty diluted.

And then I jump on to Facebook and see that a friend that lives out of state has posted that she's 4 months pregnant, with a boy, and u/s pictures. Now I've been around a ton of babies and pg ladies since my loss and I've managed to not be bitter or angry, just sad. And even that has gotten better. But this friend knew I lost my baby, knew that her EDD was about 2 weeks after mine and she didn't think to send me a note at some point so that I don't get hit with it out of the blue? And not only that, but this is someone that has TWICE in the past ten years had abortions - once because her current BF told her to get rid of the baby or he was gone and once because she found out the baby had Downs. I'm steaming right now that this person gets to keep her baby and I didn't get to keep mine! In what kind of a world does that happen?? And I know that she's going to be a crap parent. She's a crap fur parent and crap every time I see her with or talk to her about kids. I don't even know that those are her only two pregnancies... she's bounced around from guy to guy for most of her adult life.

Breathing... fortunately this is not a person that is really in my life any longer. I think that I'm now going to block her on Facebook. But seeing that, on top of the BFN I got this morning (yes I caved and took one) makes me want to curl up in a little ball and cry.

Just grrrrr.....

L-SBB · #2 September 9th, 2011, 10:51 AM

HUGS

If you're peeing a lot it definitely can be diluted so stay focused on the most positive symptom: AF is still MIA

Sorry about the whole facebook situation...if she's not a close friend and it's upseting you, then i'd go ahead an block her too...no point in constantly getting updates that will depress you. HUGS

humnck · #3 September 9th, 2011, 11:49 AM

UGH, I know exactly what you mean about it not being fair! There is a woman here whose DIL just had an abortion as a form of birth control, she has 2 already she doesn't even want or really take care of, it's unfair! When I hear that, all I can think is, why are those that don't want babies able to have them and then there are so many out there that want one and have trouble getting pg! It's unfair, go ahead and rant, have a good cry - it will help!

And I would block her, I had to do the same thing with a couple of people, especially when they start to complain that they are uncomfortable and are ready to have their baby. My sis was so sweet the other day - she is pg (about 7.5 mos) and she wanted to bring her u/s pics with her to show my mom, but knew I was there. She texted me and said, I just wanted to make sure it was ok that I bring htem in while you are there, because I know how hard it can be (she has had a loss too). People that haven't been through it (wanted pg that is) don't have a clue!

HUGS!!!!

pepper73 · #4 September 9th, 2011, 12:54 PM

OMG Becky, I am fuming mad for you right now! That woman (and her BF) does not sound like someone worth wasting time on. I would totally block her. That was very insensitive of her. You need to surround yourself with people who love and support you. I am so sorry! It really is hard to see all of the pregnancy complaints and everything and when it's from people who really only care about themselves, it's even worse.

I hope that your urine is just really diluted. If you can, I would stop drinking all fluids around 7pm or something so that tomorrow morning it's nice and dark. I hope you are able to post a BFP tomorrow!

BeckyBozeman · #5 September 9th, 2011, 01:27 PM

Thanks guys... unfortunately AF just showed. Now I really want to cry!

I'm going to drink too much tonight and then start thinking about the new cycle tomorrow...

Poop...

pepper73 · #6 September 9th, 2011, 02:23 PM

I'm so sorry the witch showed!!! Go ahead and drink away! Someone should start a new wine label called AF Blues or something like that.

.:Shortcake:. · #7 September 9th, 2011, 02:28 PM

((HUGS)) I'm sorry AF showed and about your "friend". I know it's always hard for me knowing someone is pregnant and doesn't want the child or isn't going to take care of them

Ana*Addey*OliveMommy · #8 September 9th, 2011, 05:05 PM

Sorry the witch showed.

melissalaw · #9 September 9th, 2011, 05:44 PM

Becky I'm so sorry that AF showed up. Drink a few too many and have some fun.

doremi · #10 September 10th, 2011, 01:05 AM

I'm sorry your AF showed! And yes, block that "friend". You don't need that right now. Don't even get me started on the abortion thing... it just makes me want to vomit that people use abortion as a form of birth control. Not trying to start a debate, but after carrying a baby to term and having two losses, my whole view on abortion has become MUCH more conservative than it used to be.

BeckyBozeman · #11 September 10th, 2011, 09:41 AM

So I drank a lot last night and cried a lot on DF's shoulder (he's really wonderful about it actually, and he was pretty disappointed that we weren't pg too) and I'm feeling a bit more cheery today.j

Me too Sarah... I try not to judge anyone because I don't see their whole view. And actually I knew that she'd be a crap parent so I thought maybe it was best for all involved. But I get soooo angry because I've wanted kids my entire life but I've always been extra careful because I didn't want to be selfish and bring them into a bad situation. So I waited until I was with someone and in a situation that could give a baby a good life. But I would have been happy to have a child at any point. It's just how unfair it all is that makes me upset.

Anywho, it's nice to know that I have a place I can come and rant and rage and know that all of you understand... love you ladies!

.:Shortcake:. · #12 September 12th, 2011, 07:56 AM

How are you doing hun? Feeling any better?

BeckyBozeman · #13 September 12th, 2011, 10:09 AM

Much actually, thanks Katie... I gave myself permission to feel cruddy about things for that one day and then tried to stop dwelling on it. I know life isn't fair, I can't expect it to be. All I can do is hang on to the fact that my life is pretty good - great job, friends, supportive family, wedding to plan - and try not to get to down on the things I can't control at all. And think of AF as just another cycle and the chance to join the June DDC!

The thing that worries me is the up and down, going through the hope and then disappointment with every cycle.... How do you keep that from taking over your life and devastating you??

.:Shortcake:. · #14 September 12th, 2011, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeckyBozeman

Much actually, thanks Katie... I gave myself permission to feel cruddy about things for that one day and then tried to stop dwelling on it. I know life isn't fair, I can't expect it to be. All I can do is hang on to the fact that my life is pretty good - great job, friends, supportive family, wedding to plan - and try not to get to down on the things I can't control at all. And think of AF as just another cycle and the chance to join the June DDC!

The thing that worries me is the up and down, going through the hope and then disappointment with every cycle.... How do you keep that from taking over your life and devastating you??

You just remind yourself what you want and that if you stop and give up your not going to get there. Don't ever give up on your dream and always remember that your strong and you can do this. I know it sucks. TTCAL just plain sucks but complaining about it and dwelling on it doesn't help so pushing forward and hanging on to hope is what I do

(PS venting here always helps

)