[doremi]

So, I just got a pm from one of the girls in the Jan. DDC. I had continued to post there after my first m/c (after getting the GREEN LIGHT from the girls in that DDC!). I had developed relationships with several of them before my m/c, and it wasn't because I was hanging on to what could have been that I kept posting, I just genuinely liked the girls who were there, and felt I had something to offer as a BTDT mom. Apparently the fact that I've had another loss, and that I'm not pregnant is starting to bother the girls in that DDC. So, I officially told them goodbye today. I'm frustrated that just because I'm not pregnant, I'm not allowed to show my support to them during their pregnancies, but whatever. It is what it is.

[L-SBB]

i'm sorry...that really sucks if it was just a random person and not your friends, i'd ignore it and post in support of your friends in there whenever you feel like it. I drop into DDCs/PRs I don't belong to all the time if someone I know posts good news or whatnot, so I don't think you should feel limited at all just because of one person. HUGS

[pepper73]

Originally Posted by L-SBB

i'm sorry...that really sucks if it was just a random person and not your friends, i'd ignore it and post in support of your friends in there whenever you feel like it. I drop into DDCs/PRs I don't belong to all the time if someone I know posts good news or whatnot, so I don't think you should feel limited at all just because of one person. HUGS

That's really a shame that this has happened. It totally seems to go against everything that makes JM so special. I'm so sorry! Is there another girl in the group who you are particularly close with who you can PM and discuss this with? Maybe she can give you insight into whether it is just one person feeling this way, or everyone.

[Ana*Addey*OliveMommy]

Aww I am sorry to hear this. I would have never felt like that. I know in both my DDC we have asked people to stay if they want after a m/c and keep us posted on how they are after we became friends. I still check on some of them that had a loss. HUGS

[3Sapphires]

wow, that is really s*^$y - it takes an awfully big person to continue to show support to the girls who are still pregnant.

You are bigger than I am - I say if it wasn't a friend, don't pay her one bit of attention.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Originally Posted by L-SBB

i'm sorry...that really sucks if it was just a random person and not your friends, i'd ignore it and post in support of your friends in there whenever you feel like it. I drop into DDCs/PRs I don't belong to all the time if someone I know posts good news or whatnot, so I don't think you should feel limited at all just because of one person. HUGS

Ditto this. ((HUGS))

[BeckyBozeman]

I just wrote out a long post to them and then decided not to post it. I've lurked on there because I want to see them all get healthy babies and I still feel a little attached, even though it hurts a bit. But some of the things I've read there have made me glad I haven't stayed active. I don't see the point of all the confrontation.

The thing that really makes me mad about all this is that you asked for their permission to stay active. No one objected. If anyone had an issue they should have said so up front. And to suddenly say it makes them uncomfortable now, when just blocking your posts is an issue if it's all that upsetting? And the thing that makes me nuts is that its someone that has had a loss that is making the biggest stink! I don't understand why there isn't more compassion there...

Man... I won't go back and read any more because it will just make me want to say something and it's none of my business...

That said - I'm glad you have other support and hope that you won't let it bug you too much! HUGS

[ashj_1218]

Coming from someone who is in a DDC (sorry, that is not intended meanly at ALL), I would NEVER, EVER turn away the support of someone who had a miscarriage and made friends in the room before she left. I think that is pretty cruddy and childish. BTDT moms are a boon to DDCs, since they have valuable insight and tons of experience. I visit rooms I am not a part of and comment on posts if I feel so moved. This is absolutely no different. I agree that you should either feel out the DDC and see if this is a pervasive feeling (I honestly can not imagine it is...our DDC would love to have our mamas who miscarried continue posting with us, it is just hard for them and I don't think I could even continue doing it) or if this woman just overstepped her bounds and is making you feel unwelcome. It really irks my nerves that people think it is okay to say stuff like that! JM is usually an awesome community and stuff like that certainly does not send off the messages we need to send our fellow-mamas. I hope you don't let this damper your spirits, which are obviously very helpful and positive

[fromustobaby]

I'm so sorry...my guess is that it was only one person who was acting like a jerk, and that the rest of them did not feel that way at all...it just stinks that one person would do that

I'd say to keep posting, but I know that it must have hurt you so much to have that happen...I was a part of the November 2011 DDC for 6 weeks, after the M/C, I havent been back, not even to look, it is just too painful - even now...

[joanna26]

That is really sh!tty, sweetie, I'm sorry We had a girl who was very active in my first DDC that had a fairly early m/c and she still checks in with us 3 years later. She had another m/c after that and went on to have a healthy baby girl and we were all so thrilled for her and loved to hear from her. I can't believe they would act that childish. HUGS!

[LindseyE117]

Wow.... just wow. One of the people who had a problem actually used to be a member of this board (I know because I have been on this board for a a year now). You think this person would be more sensitive to others' feelings on this matter. The thread has been closed based upon the request of one of the 2 girls who seemed to have the problem, and quite frankly I am glad. I would have said something that might have got me banned.

I may not know the whole story, but the block button is there for a reason. If you don't like to hear someone, use it. Don't hate on someone for their loss, instead be there to support them.

[missy123]

((hugs)) I would ignore the person/people that don't want you there. If you have the strength to stay in there and it helps you heal then stay.

You can't make everyone happy!!

[Leanne78]

Ugh, sorry Sarah! I still perused that forum because there were a few girls there that I had felt close to as well, but with all the drama, I stopped checking in. I can't understand why it would bother anyone that you still posted. It's not like you weren't a member there and just showed up out of the blue to post. Hopefully, we'll get in a new DDC soon and it will not have as much drama!

[Micksbabe]

That DDC is pure drama all the time!! I think it is totally crap that they went about it that way, total disrespect !!

Just remember that you have all of us here

[doremi]

Thanks girls. What made me so upset was not that someone felt the way she did, but that she insinuated that the girls had been talking about this for quite some time, that she was speaking for them collectively (she used "we" and "the girls" rather than just saying "I". She even went so far as to say the co-hosts just didn't know quite how to handle the problem even though they felt the same way. I've received tons of pm's today from basically all but three girls in that DDC, including both co-hosts saying how much they love having me there and begging me to stay. But I can't. The words in that locked thread that I started from a certain person who did not want me there cut REALLY deep. Honestly, I was quite horrified at how awful some of the responses were. And I just refuse to be the one creating more drama by staying in a DDC that has had more than their fair share of drama already. Although, apparently just by explaining why I wouldn't be posting there anymore, I am now the inappropriate one intentionally starting drama (according to some responses in that thread). It still just makes me want to cry. I really enjoyed the relationships that I had developed there, and I felt I had been extremely careful not to dwell on my losses, to only respond to threads where I felt I could cheer them on, or offer BTDT advice. I mean, of course I had to tell them when I had my second loss. It happened. That doesn't mean that I spilled all the gory details of what I went through with either loss on that board... kwim? I came to you girls and my close friends in my son's PR instead. I'm just feeling so burned by the whole situation. Thanks for letting me vent. I've been on the verge of tears about this most of the afternoon, and having just now read page two of the thread I started, I'm feeling sick to my stomach.

[acupofjoe]

i am a part of that ddc and i just wanted to say i am so sorry that someone would do that to you. i have not read the whole post just yet but i am very sorry if anyone felt that way about you. i hope you stick around but i dont blame you if you dont feel comfortable now. i am replying here because the other thread is locked. hugs hun :hugs:

[Cheshire]

I'm more of a lurker here to keep up on my TTC friends but I just have to say that I hate how continuing posting after a loss is such a controversial issue. I remained in my DDC with permission from the other moms but after I left voluntarily (after unrelated issues), a lot of moms posted that they thought it was weird that I stayed. I wanted to keep up with everyone and felt like I know them all so well, plus it was still hard to let go of my baby. I think people just aren't sure how to handle you, some are way too rude and some are trying way too hard not to hurt your feelings.

I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you get a BFP in a nice, calm, active DDC soon <3 and/or join PAL where everyone seems to love everyone!

[KaiyaRae'sMomma]

Ugh. This is a public site, and with the exception of the "private place" boards, public forums and boards open to anyone! Some people can be so caddy. I don't understand what it is that they don't like, that it scares them to hear about your losses? It's a reality and honestly, they get to be scared for a moment here or there, but you get to deal with it the rest of your life, so screw them! I still post in the June 10 DDC regularly. I can't imagine them ever telling me to leave. I would be so hurt. Obviously I don't technically have a baby the age of their babies anymore, and since Kaiya was my first, I don't know anything about raising a baby over the age of 5 months, so I don't post on the threads asking for advice or things like that. I do participate in some of the games, comment of the posts about babies milstones, etc. Anything that I can, I participate in, and as far as I know, they don't mind. I also post my own threads about things going on in my life. If they do, they've never said so. Anyway, I've rambled alot, but just wanted to say sorry they are treating you like that!!

[Max n Meghan's Mom]

I was not aware of your losses since I no longer frequent the 2008 board like I used to and I only saw this post from the New Posts tab. I am so sorry to learn of your losses. I read through the threads and was just appalled by the behavior. Of course you would post a thread to say why you were leaving. I can't believe how they have alienated you, that one girl should be more understanding. She could have blocked you but did not have to announce her feelings the way she did. There seems to be a every girl for herself trend going around this ddc with so much drama and hatred.

Anyway, I just wanted to acknowledge this post and send you some hugs & love.

[*SamF*]

I'm appalled also by the behavior. I understand your reasons for not wanting to go back.