[AmandaHugNKiss]

For the last few weeks, the thought of this day has overwhelmed me; I literally couldn't think of anything else.

Then I got my bfp on Tuesday, and the significance of today seemed to fade to a fuzzy dreamlike date that seemed far, far away.

And now it's here. And I feel.. strangely numb. Is this normal? I've been so upset for the weeks leading up that I expected today to be SUPER hard, but it's just not. I don't know if it's because I got my bfp (in which case I feel dreadful for pushing away my grief for my little boy over a teeny tiny speck of... hope). My logical side tells me it's kinda like the limbo I went into for a few days after I found out he'd passed, then gave birth, then for a couple of days I was almost 'fine' - then I absolutely fell to pieces. So, I think I KNOW that this is almost too traumatic for me to properly 'feel' and that I'm protecting myself.

Geez, does any of this rambling make sense? Any of you recognise any of this? Because I feel...odd. I feel like I want to cry for my son but the tears just aren't there.



Anyway, I'm going to go with DP later to the garden centre and buy a peace lily. Not only are they beautiful when they flower (and they flower each year so quite apt) but I like the symbolic meaning of its name - hoping it brings me peace.

[pepper73]

What you are feeling is absolutely normal! There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and the fact of the matter is, you have been grieving in the weeks leading up to today. Please don't feel guilty. You are in no way ignoring your loss. The fact that you are worried about this shows how much you do care.

I think that going out and buying a peace lily is a fabulous idea. I hope that it does help bring you peace and it is a beautiful symbol of your love for your angel.

Sending tons of hugs your way!

[junglepeachpie]

Your peace lily idea is beautiful.

Emotions are weird things and the TTC journey after loss is full of all kinds of emotions we don't expect or want. I never seem to cry when I feel like I should, and then it hits me unexpectedly at other times. I guess all we can do it be gentle with ourselves.

Congratulations on your bfp!

[.:Shortcake:.]

I think it is normal the way your feeling. I'm glad your feeling hopeful.

PS. Can you please edit the tile of you post to include (Pregnancy Ment). Thank you!

[joanna26]

Originally Posted by junglepeachpie

Emotions are weird things and the TTC journey after loss is full of all kinds of emotions we don't expect or want. I never seem to cry when I feel like I should, and then it hits me unexpectedly at other times. I guess all we can do it be gentle with ourselves.

And please don't feel guilty/sad if you joy/hope in your BFP overshadows your grief. I think that is a wonderful thing Anything that brings joy or hope after such grief should be celebrated fully.

[lindsey2000k]

I understand how you feel. I just got my BFP and Due date is Sept 20th.