[cheeky_monkey]

Hi girls, lately I have not been as active as I used to nearly 2 weeks ago but I feel like crap AF is still AWOL (second month in a row now), I feel like I've been hit head on by a truck, my lower back and boobs feel like hell, I'm feeling bloated like a whale and being hit with mixed feelings of hurt/loss/sadness. While I know that most of you can understand what I am feeling I hate being the Debbie Downer that I have been feeling like lately. Usually I am a cheerful girl who manages to drag others along with her but with things as they have turned out lately I simply cannot find myself.

Please do not think that I have forgotten you; I'm just still licking a bit my 'wounds'. With af being 'late' and this morning's test a BFN I'm not really a good sociable chick right now! i hope that I will be 'back' soon so that I can join you again while feeling more myself.

[*SamF*]

Hope AF shows for you soon ( or better yet a BFP!)

No one can be upbeat all the time, but remember we are here for you even in your Debbie downer stage!

[kelbert]

I can definitely understand how you feel. I haven't been posting near as much as I used to either. I was a very active member in TTCYourFirst then went to the IVF part of the board. Since the loss I just haven't really known where to go.

If letting out your feelings here helps then do that. I know it helped me and you guys were very supportive and helpful

I hope AF shows for you soon. That has to just add to the frustration. I knew when I was WANTING the witch to show up she took her sweet time. She is evil I tell you!

[cheeky_monkey]

thanks sweetie

I know that but the person I have become lately is not me. It feels like this ttcing has eaten me away. All I want is a baby but I seem to be light years away from achieving that.

I've ranted away like a mad woman in here much more than I wished to allow myself to do. I miss talking to you guys but to come in and complain all the time - mmm I don't like it.

thanks Kelli. Oh she's much more than evil. Much much much worse

I literally wish I could push my hand in there and drag her out. I know what is going to happen. My ob does not like to give any meds to jumpstart it (even though I always end up begging him) so it's going to end up like last month: AF will be nothing but pure, undiluted pain. It's easy for him to say wait it out, it's not him the one who's stuck on the bathroom, crying and trying in vain to throw up (Sorry!)while feeling like dying. If AF pains are only the starting point of the giving birth stage I doubt I'm going to come out alive of the delivery room - i.e if I will ever manage to see how it's made in there.

[.:Shortcake:.]

I hope AF shows up for you soon so you can have a fresh cycle. Don't feel bad I've needed time away and I know other ladies have as well. We will be here for you ((HUGS))

[Ana*Addey*OliveMommy]

Sorry AF hasn't shown. Hope she shows soon so you can move on with a new cycle.

[cheeky_monkey]

thanks girls. It is still the same over here. AF is still in some remote part of the world holidaying I guess, but strangely enough my 'symptoms' have disappeared. My breasts don't hurt anymore, my lowerback is fine, i do not feel bloated anymore, nor do I feel any nausea anymore :/

Yesterday night ob emailed back. He said to give it a week, if it does not start on its own i'm going to take meds to jumpstart it. Thing is last time I had to take them it did not really help coz it came even later than it was supposed to do.

I wish I could understand what is going on in there!

[pepper73]

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. If you don't end up with a BFP, then I at least hope AF shows on her own so you don't have to take the meds.

As far as this board goes, just do what feels right for you. We are here for you no matter what!

[cheeky_monkey]

I tested yesterday. It was a BFN. Don't have much hope for any BFP's. It was 13 dp I don't know what since it could have been that either the follicles really did shrivel up or else i ovulated a day before the visit.

only thing is that my boobs seem to have grown pamela anderson is flat compared to me!

Thanks for the support. You girls over here are the only friends i have who can understand what I am going through right now. I have a special friend over here but she went through her second loss a few weeks ago, so I've taken a step back. She needs my support now, but at times I do not even know what I can say to her. I do not want to say something wrong and end up hurting her.