[Moldovandish]

DH has been having a hard time TTCing around the time I ovulate or if I try to get us to BD more often on a regular basis(aka every other day). It started a couple of months after the miscarriage. Maybe it's just a coincidence and it's not related to the miscarriage, but regardless, I am concerned.
So basically if we didn't TTC, we'd be fine if I waited till he was ready and initiated, but that would not be often enough for TTC. If I initiate and insist on things, then there is a strong chance that it wouldn't work. I don't want to stress him out, yet I'm worried about our abilities to concieve again. We are already slow concievers and now this... Does anyone else struggle with something similar? Any advice?

[humnck]

Can you maybe initiate things around O'ing without him knowing that is why you are doing it? Surprise him by waiting for him when he comes home or changing into something "more comfortable" so as to initiate things? My DH was, at first, a little hesitant, because he said TTC every other night stressed me out, but I think he was the one stressed out...I try to initiate things without him knowing...he has come around to the idea and is ready to go once AF comes around, but I am still going to try and just "get hot and heavy" rather than saying, ok, let's go, I'm o'ing. That can be stressful for them too...

[Moldovandish]

Yeah, thanks. I have tried to do that and it can work for the first night if he's not stresed out from work. Plus we have an almots 4 year old that has major fears at bedtime, so we don't really have any stress-free time in the evening as she can wake up at anytime, so I'm sure that adds to the stress.
So it's a combination of things really. I guess we typically go 4-6 days in-between and if I try to make it more often, he obviously wonders what's going on LOL

[humnck]

Hmm, can you try in the mornings? That would probably be extremely obvious huh?

That is a tough one, have you talked to him about it? Maybe he just needs to talk it out?

[Nia1978]

It happened to me for a little bit until we switched to mornings, so I'd recommend that.

[(Calebs_Momma)]

I would probably talk to him about it. Tony... when I m/c'd he didnt show much emotions except for the day it actually hit him that the baby was gone.. but he was actually still struggling a lot with it afterwards. We had a few talks about it, and while he didnt talk or open up about it too much it did help.. he wasnt really ready and wanting to really try for a couple months afterwards.

[.:Shortcake:.]

DH and I were having this issue for awhile. I quit telling him when it was O time and I also started making BDing fun again. Doing it other places besides the bedroom, different times of the day, dressing up sexy. Sometimes it because more of a chore than what it should be while TTC. I hope this helps hun. ((HUGS))

[missy123]

Originally Posted by .:Shortcake:.

DH and I were having this issue for awhile. I quit telling him when it was O time and I also started making BDing fun again. Doing it other places besides the bedroom, different times of the day, dressing up sexy. Sometimes it because more of a chore than what it should be while TTC. I hope this helps hun. ((HUGS))

Ditto. I stopped telling him about opk's and cycles and when we had to BD ect... We talked and having a baby was just as important to him so he knew he had to at least try to step it up a little. Sometimes I would get him all into it orally or manually and then we would have the act sex at the very end.... He was so worked up by that point there was no going back.

[Ana*Addey*OliveMommy]

Sorry to hear you are having these problems. Not advice but I agree to not tell him anything and just get him to BD

[Moldovandish]

Thanks, girls. Last night I suggested we play a game of cards and each time one of us lost, a piece of clothing had to come off. It worked amazingly well, even though DD woke up a couple of times throughout the game, but DH was worked up enough to where it didn't matter....
I'm on CD20 now though, so probably too late, but at least I know it's not a phyical issue with him, but rather stress-related and psychological probably.

Mornings work for us on the weekends sometimes, but on week days he leaves early and DD wakes up at the same time typically and wants to spend time with him before he leaves, so unfortunately that hasn't worked either.

I will keep trying to make it fun and take it one day at a time.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Originally Posted by Moldovandish

Thanks, girls. Last night I suggested we play a game of cards and each time one of us lost, a piece of clothing had to come off. It worked amazingly well, even though DD woke up a couple of times throughout the game, but DH was worked up enough to where it didn't matter....
I'm on CD20 now though, so probably too late, but at least I know it's not a phyical issue with him, but rather stress-related and psychological probably.

Mornings work for us on the weekends sometimes, but on week days he leaves early and DD wakes up at the same time typically and wants to spend time with him before he leaves, so unfortunately that hasn't worked either.

I will keep trying to make it fun and take it one day at a time.

Sometimes if you set your alarm a little early and wake him up with some morning delight before the little one gets up it might work

[humnck]

Ok, so this is just a totally random suggestion, but it worked for me not too long ago

Are you all sports fans? Baseball or Football at this point? DH is a huge Eagles fan and one night when he was out, don't remember where he went, but he was out and the Eagles had just won, so before he got home, I got his jersey and put nothing but that on...he really liked that, keeps asking me to do that again - lol!!

[Moldovandish]

Hm... Interesting idea

[StaceygirlPa]

I agree with the other ladies. Dh and I went through the same thing. I stopped talking to Dh about my cycle's and opk's. I put fun back into TTC again. It has worked Dh not knowing anything about my cycles.

[missy123]

Originally Posted by humnck

Ok, so this is just a totally random suggestion, but it worked for me not too long ago

Are you all sports fans? Baseball or Football at this point? DH is a huge Eagles fan and one night when he was out, don't remember where he went, but he was out and the Eagles had just won, so before he got home, I got his jersey and put nothing but that on...he really liked that, keeps asking me to do that again - lol!!

I love this idea!!! I may try it tonight just for fun!!

[humnck]

Originally Posted by missy123

I love this idea!!! I may try it tonight just for fun!!

LOL Have fun!

[JessP]

Sometimes a TTC break is in order too. Sometimes a m/c makes men scared. They don't want to see you go through that again. So not having sex means that they won't get you pregnant and you won't have to hurt again.
Dh and I stopped "trying". The ladies have offered some great suggestions. I think making it fun will help. And when he asks why just be honest. Tell him that DTD turned into a chore and you are just restoring the fun. A nooner can be fun too . So if you can meet on a lunch break, heck be like teenagers in the back of the car .

[pepper73]

I agree with everything the other ladies have suggested. Men deal with the miscarriage too and for most of them, anyway, they express things differently. I think it's hard for them to really come to terms with it and there's always that macho thing where they are afraid if they show emotions or grief that they'll appear weak. It can also affect TTC after a loss. When you have their fear of you possibly being hurt again on top of the pressure they feel to give you a baby...it can make for some major stage fright. Keeping things spontaneous is key. I think that it's important for it to be totally random throughout the cycle too so that they have no clue when O is. I'm glad the card game worked well! It sounds like things are starting to work out for you!!