[nandksmom]

My husband and I have been trying to conceive since we lost our baby in May of this year. At first my husband seemed like he was on board trying to dtd around the times when I though I'd be most fertile. I don't temp and usually AF is pretty regular so I just aim for around the 12-14th day of my cycle and then a few days after. Anyway, my af didn't show up until August after I lost my baby in May. Ever since then my husband hasn't really seemed into trying to make a baby around those days I'm most fertile. He said he's scared that something will happen to me or the new baby and I totally understand that as I also lost a baby 8 years ago. My losses have all been in the second trimester. I desperately wanted to be pregnant by next month at the latest because I feel that it would be easier to cope with the loss of our baby in May (the baby would have been due next month) but I know that the pain will still be there. I really want to become pregnant again but the thought of us losing another baby scares me and I worry that it will destroy our relationship. I personally blame myself for the loss of the babies and my husband hates that. I can't help it though. I feel like I was supposed to protect them and I wasn't able to and it hurts me to know that the loss of the babies affected my other children as well as my husband. I'm supposed to be ovulating this weekend and I desperately want to attempt to try to get pregnant this month but I'm not sure that it is the best thing to do. I don't think our worries are ever going to dissolve and I don't think that time is going to make a difference. My heart hurts so bad and I'm just tired of being sad all the time. I think it makes it worse that I don't have anyone close to me to talk about my feelings to and when I talk to my husband or he talks to me I cry because all the pain resurfaces and then he tells me that is why he doesn't talk to me because he hates to see me cry. I just feel like I'm stuck in an unending cycle and I don't feel like I want to give up on trying but then I'm feeling like maybe I should...and then people tell me that I should just be grateful for the children I do have...which I am grateful for them. I love them more than anything in the world but I don't feel like I'm finished. Sorry for the ramblings.Thanks for reading.

[*SamF*]

I'm sorry you are going through all this. Sometimes I think the guys get more upset about seeing us in pain- both the physical and emotional- that they get a little scared off. I would just not discuss it with him and not really let him know when your fertile times are and just initiate sex yourself. Take the TTC pressure off him.

I also HATE it when people say you should be grateful for the children you have. Wanting another child does not make you any less grateful and appreciative of the children you do have, if anything I think it makes you even more grateful.

[~*Kel*~]

Sam said exactly what I was going to say. It sounds like TTC is turning into a chore and that is never a good thing. Stop telling DH when you are fertile and just start randomly iniating sex throughout the month so he doesn't feel all the pressue.

[humnck]

I am ss you are going through all of that. It is hard and yes, you can be grateful for the children that you do have, but at the same time want another - I am in the same boat with that one!

Have you tried talking to a counselor? We have a friend that lost 2 babies in her 3rd trimester, almost exactly to the day, I was talking to my doc about it and she said she actually has a friend who specializes in just that as a counselor. It may help to sort out the things with your feelings, because you in no way did anything to cause the losses! I am sure your husband is having a really hard time seeing you in pain and is afraid that you getting pg again might cause more pain, I would agree with Sam, take the pressure off of him, don't let him know you are ovulating, just initiate DTD and make it fun for him. Sometimes, it's also hard for them if it is for a purpose, my DH told me that, he said I was stressed (I didn't realize I was) when we were TTC our DD 3 years ago and that the "schedule" was a lot for him to handle.

I hope you can find some sort of peace with yourself and work the things out with DH, I also hope that you get your rainbow baby very, very soon! GL and please feel free to post here about all that you are feeling, it's what we are here for!

[LucyWho]

I'm sorry for everything

[doremi]

I'm very sorry for your loss and all the heartache it has put you through! It sounds like maybe you and your DH could benefit from some counseling, just to help you process your loss. It is totally normal to feel scared about TTC again, and I also understand completely why you were hoping to be pregnant by next month. Like others have said, I find that not giving DH all the specifics about what I am doing to monitor my cycle is better... he still asks if I'm getting close to ovulating, but I don't give him the daily/hourly updates anymore. It was just too much pressure for him Good luck to you, and I hope that your heart continues to heal and that you will have the opportunity to welcome another LO into your family soon!

[nandksmom]

Thank you for your responses. My DH said that too that he feels like I only want to have sex with him to make a baby. Which isn't true. But I do see his and your points as well. I just get upset when I know that it's around that time and he's too tired to do anything and I try to keep it to myself but it just gets hard. I know that I should just let things go and have fun with it and when it happens it happens but right now it's so hard to do. I've thought about going to talk to a counselor about the losses of the babies and the stress that's on my marriage but I haven't made any effort to do so yet. I am going to look into it and see if I can at least get my own thoughts straightened out. Thank you for your kind words and your advice. I appreciate it a lot.

[acchickpea]

I hope that you stop blaming yourself for your losses... I beat myself down after my loss but after a while it's something that you just need to cope with and move forward. It doesn't help at all to play the blame game. I hope that I'm not rubbing off as being cruel... I'm not telling you to forget but to accept and find solutions to proceed to the next level.... If not then you will always be in a miserable state of mind and that's just not healthy.... I pressure my DH when the big "O" rolls around and found that it makes him feel pressured.... I keep the time to myself and when the time rolls around then you romance him!

[Sierra.Sparling]

I am a newbie here but I do understand the loss. my dh and I lost our baby at 8 weeks last year in May. We are just now to the point of being able to TTC. I was angry and upset at myself blaming myself for it. mc is one of those things that many dont talk about, when i was greiving i found out that many people i am close to have had one and just never talked about it. I agree that its important to have someone to talk to. it put a lot of stress on our relationship almost pushing us away at times. My doctor told me that sometimes our bodies do natural selection because of the cromosomes . I didnt understand it at the time . I am so sorry for your losses and I hope you all the best. We tried on and off this year but not really hard, it was if it happens it happens. Now that we are TTC i leave all the other details about the cycle out, and i enitiate the bd i have noticed a huge improvement in our relationship, we went out this week just the two of us with out our kids and that helped too. sometimes we need to reconnect with our dh and let them know just how much we love them! sorry for rambling hope this helps! -hugs!-

[Ana*Addey*OliveMommy]

I agree that I would not tell DH when it is time to BD and see if that helps. Sorry things are rough right now.

[.:Shortcake:.]

((HUGS)) I ditto the other ladies. Sometimes people need to think before they speak. I hope you get pregnant soon with your rainbow baby hun.