Newbie in need of advice :)

ICUmomma · #1 October 20th, 2011, 11:01 PM

Hello ladies! I am in need of some support and I hope I have come to the right place. I am a 38 year old mother and I have experienced 3 losses total since June. Needless to say I have been on an absolute emotional roller coaster. I blame myself for the last two. My first was a second tri loss at 15 weeks. I had to have two D&C's and rounds of meds to finally complete it. That entire process took 5 long weeks. I o'd five days post the second surgery. I had one cycle and got pregnant the next, only for that to end at 6.3 weeks. I had a natural mc complete in 6 days and I ovulated the 7th day. Again, got pregnant...my MD wasn't convinced so I asked for betas...the first was 13 dpo at 212... I was so happy...the second....yesterday's was 150....chemical. All I want...like most of you is to carry a healthy baby to term. I do take blame...I don't think my uterus was ready. So...my question is what should I fo now...wait a few cycles? Is there anything I can do the strengthen my lining? I have read about Vitex and baby aspirin. But more importantly...emotionally...how in the hell do we move forward from such devastation? Thank you so much for listening

.:Shortcake:. · #2 October 21st, 2011, 03:19 AM

((HUGS)) I am so very sorry for your loss. As far as being physically ready sometimes after so many losses in a row your body does need a break. I would give it a cycle or two to heal before you try. As as for emotionally you have to let yourself grieve. Let it out and talk about it if you need to. We are here for you.

ICUmomma · #3 October 21st, 2011, 07:14 AM

Thank you for your reply shortcake. I appreciate it. I haven't started bleeding yet from the chemical so I still have that to look forward to. I agree with you on waiting and I'm sure you will understand when I say how hard that is. Especially because I can feel when I O .....that alone just makes me want to get preggo. Thank you for the welcome

ninja_mommy · #4 October 21st, 2011, 07:21 AM

and sorry for your losses

I am currently drinking 1-2 cups of Red Raspberry Leaf tea to help tone my uterus up after my loss two weeks ago. I will continue to drink it until I O next cycle. I might back down a little after that just in case I am preggo. They do say it's safe to drink throughout pregnancy but some chose not to drink it in the first trimester.

Nia1978 · #5 October 21st, 2011, 07:25 AM

Sorry for your losses! My naturopath had me on Red Raspberry Leaf tea which is supposed to tone your uterus (whatever that means) and vitex to help with progestrone levels. If you do want to use vitex, I would recommend seeing a naturopath as it can be quite a strong herb, and you want to make sure it will help you and not mess everything up.

stargatemommy · #6 October 21st, 2011, 08:03 AM

I was always told to wait 1 cycle before trying again. Not because my uterus wasn't ready, but because they wanted me to have a LMP to date the pregnancy by....

joanna26 · #7 October 21st, 2011, 08:21 AM

Big HUGS sweetie! I am so sorry to hear about your losses

I tend to agree with Katie (shortcake) that physically you probably need a break to recover from the losses. As far as emotionally, when you figure it out let me know! I had one loss around 5 months ago now and there are days where I still just reel from it. You just greive and try to move on I guess.

Moldovandish · #8 October 21st, 2011, 08:34 AM

I'm sorry sweetie. Each body is very different. It does sound like a break might be good for you. Lots of hugs!

L-SBB · #9 October 21st, 2011, 08:37 AM

first off I want to offer you some huge HUGS that's an awful lot to go through so quickly and I am so very sorry for your losses.

Now for some advice...I just suffered 2nd m/c (completing naturally) and I just turned 39 so we're in similar boat for the age-related concerns. I wanted to TTC again right away b/c I managed to avoid a D&C with this loss but my OB had a long talk with me and has convinced me that there is some evidence (studies) that at our age and where we've suffered more than 1 m/c that we are at an enhanced risk of an immediate subsequent m/c if we don't wait 3 months.

She's also agreed to run recurrent loss testing (bloodwork) on me even though I haven't had the 3 m/c in a row usually required for that....I would recommend you push for the same. Even if they find nothing, our age tends to work against us in that Drs are very quick to assume that the reason for m/c in late 30s is chromosomal or splitting issues, but that is not necessarily the case. It's not a given, either, that your later losses were caused simply because you didn't wait. If you are prepared to cover any portion of the testing cost your insurance may not, I would push for the testing....knowledge can only help you - at worst they find nothing and you have no explanation for your losses....but if there is some other issue (protein deficiency, clotting disorder, progesterone problem) that can be treated it will help you create a treatment plan with your Dr for your next pregnancy when you decide to TTC again.

HUGS...if you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me...I understand some of the additional challenges you face when you're dealing with losses under the AMA label with OBs.

*SamF* · #10 October 21st, 2011, 09:05 AM

Hugs! I'm sorry for your losses!

It's hard to go on, but my motto was just to never give up hope.
We first started TTC when I was 37, I had 3 m/c within 6 months. I saw an RE and at the time we thought the problem was just a uterine cyst, which he removed. After three cycles with him I got my BFP with twins, ended up losing one- to what we know think was a chromosomal defect. But I went on to have my perfect healthy DS. I was 39 when he was born.
This time we started TTC again when DS was 6 months old. I had two more losses, then went back to the RE. Determining that I was dealing with an egg quality issue. We had one more loss with the RE, then finally got our sticky bean who so far looks perfect and healthy. I will be 41 when this one is born.

Staying positive is hard but it can happen, one way or another,

junie22 · #11 October 21st, 2011, 11:08 AM

I don't have a lot of advice to add, but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your losses and offer you big (albeit virtual)

.

pepper73 · #12 October 22nd, 2011, 10:03 PM

I'm so sorry for your losses! Please don't blame yourself for any of it! It is not your fault! I am the same age as you so I totally understand the feeling of urgency. Don't worry though, it will happen! We have a big group of women in our age range here who have graduated. As for helping strengthen the uterus, I was going to suggest the Red Raspberry Leaf tea as well.

acchickpea · #13 October 24th, 2011, 07:30 AM

You shouldn't be blaming yourself... it happened and it hurts but don't blame the fact that your body just wasn'tt ready... I was told to wait till 2 to 3 month before we start trying.. The Doctor said it's more so emotionally then phisically... I needed to grasp the fact that it happened and learn to live with.... sorry I'm blabbing...

MillerMom2b · #14 October 24th, 2011, 07:43 AM

So sorry for your losses.. :hugs: After my D&C I did wait to TTC again, both of my Dr's said 3-6 months. I guess that is more than what I've been reading, but maybe it was for emotional reasons. Maybe that's exactly what you need.

ICUmomma · #15 October 24th, 2011, 03:24 PM

Thank you ladies. I just know I should have waited but I get so excited when I ovulated and I have such a positive, happy feeling. Then I get crushed. I hope it will happening....for us all...and they are healthy and go to term. I have started spotting with this one now so I suppose it's jut a matter of time before I ovulate again. I'm going to try hard to wait 2-3 months. Mostly because I really, really don't want to go through this again. I had another beta today so we will see how quickly this one is dropping. Thank you again. It helps to hear all of the feedback from women who have been through it.

I apologize for the typos...I'm posting from my phone

missy123 · #16 October 24th, 2011, 04:22 PM

Hi and Welcome to TTCAL. I am sorry for your losses and your pain.

Do not blame yourself - and so you know there is no study stating that multiple miscarriage happens if you do not wait 2-3 cycles. Unlike the guys who are always making new sperm we girls are born with all the eggs we will have during our lifetime. As we age and our bodies are exposed to the elements of life the quality of our eggs deteriorates. I am not saying that is what happened to you, but my doctor told me that is the #1 reason for reoccurring miscarriage in ladies 35+.

How do you heal emotionally? Time. and even then the pain never fully goes away. I spent a lot of time in this group and in the pregnancy loss boards crying and venting away. I went through depression and ended up on anti-depressants.

Long story short: Hang onto hope as much as possible. I am almost 43 and about to have my miracle baby within the next 3 weeks.

(((hugs))) we are here for you.