[Moldovandish]

So I had a positive OPK Wednesday night. We BDed then. Then I talked to him about needing to BD more often in the next few days. I know he's having a hard time when too often and under pressure, but otherwise we BD once every 4-5 days, so I cannot just lure him into it after the 1st "surprise" BD. So he said okay, let' try for Friday night(tonight), so we spent a long time prepping, he seemed to be almost ready, then all of a sudden he could not do it. We had to go somewhere in the evening, so we just left.
I am devastated. It's official. We cannot BD more than once or twice at most around Ovulation time. I wish that's all it took, but it typically doesn't. Our timing needs to be perfect and it doesn't look like that will happen going forward. Since the miscarriage, this has happened several times now.
I asked him to go to the doctor and just get all his levels checked to make sure there's no underlying physical reason for this, but I'm thinking it's psychological. We both though feel under pressure to have another baby and don't want to wait too much longer. Ughhhh....

[doremi]

I'm sorry Of the two of us, my DH is the one who has the harder time with more frequent sex too. I will say that the months where we try to keep our sex life active even during the non-fertile periods are the times when we feel the least amount of pressure when we do reach that fertile window, because it doesn't feel unnatural to be dtd fairly regularly. You grow up thinking that getting pregnant happens easily, but the fact is, it is a downright MIRACLE every time it happens. Good luck to you!

[pepper73]

I'm so sorry! It is definitely frustrating!! I had that happen with my BF once too. Ever since then, I don't let him know anything about my cycle and it has made it a lot better. I agree that making an effort to BD frequently throughout the whole cycle might help things. Random "surprise" BD sessions will keep things spicy and since he won't know where you are in your cycle, the pressure will be off. Good luck! This is one of my least favorite parts of TTC and it should be the most fun.

[LindseyE117]

I know this may be a little TMI, but do not tell him anything about needing to DTD. Also, try a little "movies" or "online videos" and play around with that. I have found that if DH cannot DTD, then I offer to watch "online videos" with him. It works 95% of the time.

[Moldovandish]

Thanks, girls. He feels terrible and I don't want him to feel like he's letting me down. I'll try to spice up our sex life overall, hope it will work and one day we will get our miracle baby.

[missy123]

Don't tell him when you ovulate or that you need to BD. It will take the pressure off of him. Have you thought of viagara? I dated a guy about 6-7 years ago that took it once in a while. He did not have a "problem" but he said that it enhanced the whole experience for him.

[luvmykids623]

That happened to DH a lot after our third loss. He actually had to get a prescription for Viagra because it was so bad. He didn't need whole pills so we cut them in half so he had more. I would mix that with telling him nothing about my cycle and sometimes he wouldn't have to take the pills. We also read stories and watched videos online to try and help. For him it was almost totally the pressure. He knew how much it meant to me to ttc, and it put pressure on him not to disappoint me. I was devastated every time he couldn't perform. I tried not to show it, but it was so hard. I hope you guys are able to come up with something that works for you.

[JulieMc]

I gotta agree with the other ladies..... keep your cycle info to yourself. The pressure is clearly stressing him out and making him unable to perform. You gotta find ways to bring the fun back..shift the focus.

And really..it only does take one time. I got pregnant 3 times with just a one time deal....

[StaceygirlPa]

Dh had some problems after our last loss. I finally stopped telling him about my cycles and it worked. It took the pressure off of him. I also agree about trying to spice things up. Maybe meet him at the door with something sexy on when he comes home from work.

[LindseyE117]

Ditto on the viagra. My hubby likes the cialis too because it lasts for 3 days vs 1.