Stopping by to say hi....

Celena · #1 October 25th, 2011, 10:36 AM

There's so many newbies here that I'm sure allot of you have no idea who I am. Just a quick intro, I am Celena had hosted this board for about 2 years. Joined when DH & I were going thru our first loss together... we had been TTC our first since April 2008. We had gone thru 5 total losses, one of which took my left tube and 2 doctor confirmed chemicals which I guess yoy can say I had 7 losses if you count the chemicals as well. It been hell emotionally, physically, put my marriage thru extreme tension and my husband has expierenced depression from it... it's not been the easiest. At this time he absolutely does NOT want to ever try again so I went on BCP. This is when it'll probably happen even tho we're taking the steps for it NOT to.

I've taken quiet a bit of time off from here after being replaced as a host for this board because it just had been too much... had gone thru my most recent loss in JULY/August of this year and one prior to that in January of this year as well. Seeing so many come in and quickly leave just became something too harsh for me to see reguardless of all of us aiming, hoping and praying to achieve that as well.

Some of the deepest, darkest depression came from my losses... to the point I just saw no point in anything, period. Seeing pregnant ladies, hearing about all these **** people getting knocked up left and right, seeing newborns all the time, commercials, radio ads for fertility clinics and so on just broke me. I have a hard time now with hearing all these people either DH & I or either one of us knows getting pregnant like *WHY hadn't we of been blessed with just 1 of our own?" we have children from previous marriages and all we ever wanted was one of our own together (this coming from either of us swearing off marriage and children forever after the dissolving of previous marraiges" We are each others soulmates, and we wanted a piece of us together of our love.

In the past year I've struggled silently with trying to accept it may never happen for us. Not that I ever wanted to... but it was a possiblity that I should have started to try to deal with before I ever found that was it. DH had gone back and forth with it, at one point after our loss in july/august DH's friend had suggested just spending the money to get it done... but then month or so after that threw it away. So idk. I'm on BCP and that's all I know. I feel like a little teenager all over again taking these **** things.

There's many extremely stressful, difficult things going on in my life right now as well which has sent me into a depression some days are better than others... so I've kept to myself. I've not meant to worry anyone. Some of you know more detail of what's going on so you know I don't want to exploit any of that here because I don't know allot of people on here now. Allot of my near dear friends have long since graduated from here so I'm tad more reserved in what I say now.

I'd like to chat more but I am at work and need to pretend to be doing something even tho for 4 hours I sit here in the shop ALONE

pepper73 · #2 October 25th, 2011, 10:45 AM

Hi Celena!! Thank you for stopping by and updating us! I am so sorry that things have been so awful for you! I've gone through depression myself so I can relate to what you are feeling. I really hope things can turn around for you. You have always been so sweet and supportive here and you deserve to have a baby with your DH. I hope that the two of you can work things out so you can get off BCP and try again. I really wish that there was something I could say or do to make everything better for you. Since I can't, I'll just send you virtual hugs and let you know that I'm thinking of you!

cheeky_monkey · #3 October 25th, 2011, 10:49 AM

Hi Celena, you must have read my mind coz yesterday I was going to ask if anyone knew anything about you. I'm so sorry that it is still so difficult for you to deal with pregnancies (I'm still not pregnant so hopefully you won't feel uncomfortable with me as well). Hopefully ur DH will come round and you will be able to try again and hopefully this time be given a sticky little bean.

I'm glad you're back - or rather I would have been gladder had you said that during your break you had managed to get pregnant - but as you said there are so many new faces in here that it is 'nice' to see a familiar face.

*SamF* · #4 October 25th, 2011, 11:03 AM

I've been thinking about you Celena! I'm so glad you stopped in. I still have hope that you will get your perfect rainbow baby. Lots of us are thinking of you!!

StaceygirlPa · #5 October 25th, 2011, 11:27 AM

I have been thinking about you and wondering how you have been. I have delt with depression so I know what it is like. I hope things start to slow down for you. I hope since you aren't really trying now that you and Dh can get close again. I still have think you will get your BFP. Sending you lots of hugs.

doremi · #6 October 25th, 2011, 12:37 PM

Celena, I am so glad you stopped by. I have been thinking about you, wondering how things are going. I'm very sorry things aren't going the way you had dreamed or planned. I hope you will stick around, because your support during my first m/c was vital to my emotional recovery. I know you have so much to offer these other "newbies" too!

roziecakes · #7 October 25th, 2011, 01:06 PM

I don't know you, but your story has touched me.

Zoey1981 · #8 October 25th, 2011, 01:49 PM

We have never talked or crossed paths until now. I just joined this form because I have sufferd my 3rd loss. I read your "story" and it brought tears to my eyes and my heart literally aches for you and DH. I know how my 3 losses have felt and I can't begin to imagine how you must feel. Thank you for sharring with us. It must be very hard.

I have a friend in a simular situation they have been TTC for 2yrs. Not one pregnancy yet. They have even tried fertility a couple times. They both have been tested and nothing shows up that would tell them they couldn't have a baby. She has 2 daughters from a previous marriage and he has no children. It pains me every month when she gets that BFN. They are still TTC and I pray for them everyday they to will get their sticky bean. I will add you to my list.

I would like to share a true story my old pastor told me about him and his wife. They have a beautiful daughter together and wanted to have another baby. So they started to try......19yrs went by! No baby. They finally gave up the idea that they were not going to have another baby biologically. So they decided to adopt. ON the day the adoption was finalized she found out she was PG! They now have 2 beautiful daughters AND 7 adoptive children. 4 from FL and 3 from Africa. They are an amazing family and full of love.

Sending hugs and prayers that you two will someday soon have your beautiful baby together!

joanna26 · #9 October 25th, 2011, 05:56 PM

Big HUGS sweetie! Thanks for stopping by

I really hope that things start looking up for you.

missy123 · #10 October 25th, 2011, 06:01 PM

I love you Celena.... You are so special.

lindsey2000k · #11 October 25th, 2011, 06:17 PM

I have been thinking about you.

L-SBB · #12 October 25th, 2011, 06:59 PM

big HUGS Celena...i had wondered how you were doing. I'm sorry for everything you've been going through...when you're ready to be back you know we'll be here waiting! I think everyone goes through stretches where it's too hard to be around the losses & successes here....but everyone comes back too

'cause TTCAL ladies rock, and we've definitely missed you!

stargatemommy · #13 October 25th, 2011, 09:59 PM

I have been thinking about you a lot lately too! Love you!

LindseyE117 · #14 October 26th, 2011, 04:49 AM

I have been thinking about you Celena. I am so sorry that you are hurting. I know where you are coming from. I hope to God that you get your rainbow baby and all the bad things end.

Trish36 · #15 October 26th, 2011, 08:51 AM

Celina - HUGS!!! I keep popping in here once in a while to see if there are any posts from you. Just wanted to send you some love! I'm sorry that times are rough right now, but please know that I am always here for you....even if I have graduated.

boysarebest · #16 October 26th, 2011, 09:02 AM

I am so sorry. Please dont give up hope. My beautiful neighbor had 6 losses one was an ectopic that caused her to lose her right tube and almost killed her. She now has 3 gorgeous daughters and 2 of them were born after she lost her tube. She never used fertility either. You will have a baby, just keep telling yourself that. It may take time but you will have another child!

Pitridge · #17 October 26th, 2011, 10:08 AM

Hey Celena! Good to hear from you, I wondered what happened to you when I rejoined this group, since so many of the girls got pg, I figured you did too. I'm sorry it has been such a struggle.....I do think of you often. When I was here earlier in the year you were great help and very supportive, if you need anyone to, please know that I am here for you.