I feel so defeated.... :(

acchickpea · #1 October 26th, 2011, 11:00 AM

I just want to go home and crawl under my sheets... another 2.5 hours of trying to put up a front that everything is ok until I go home from work... I'm even nervous to tell DH I spotted... I know he would be hurting more then me... which would make it even harder for me to try to cope....

joanna26 · #2 October 26th, 2011, 11:28 AM

Big HUGS sweetie! I was right there with you yesterday. It just plain sucks. I'm so sorry

Zoey1981 · #3 October 26th, 2011, 11:50 AM

Awww...I am so very sorry. I just started spotting today...although I was expecting it. Lots of virtual hugs to you.

junie22 · #4 October 26th, 2011, 12:00 PM

cheeky_monkey · #5 October 26th, 2011, 12:14 PM

ninja_mommy · #6 October 26th, 2011, 12:36 PM

pepper73 · #7 October 26th, 2011, 12:57 PM

I'm so sorry! I know exactly how you feel. It's such a devastating moment and hard to bounce back from. Take a couple of days to grieve, scream, get drunk, etc. I hope that this next cycle ends in a BFP for you so you don't have to go through this heartbreak again.

Nia1978 · #8 October 26th, 2011, 01:12 PM

so sorry, chickpea

LilHerndon · #9 October 26th, 2011, 01:32 PM

So sorry hun. We all know how hard it is to get that witch when your hopes are so high for that miracle.

Take some time to yourself now and do whatever you want for a few days. Hope you feel better soon.

Hopefulpinkangel · #10 October 26th, 2011, 01:49 PM

FL Mama · #11 October 26th, 2011, 02:30 PM

So sorry. Hugs to you.

BeckyBozeman · #12 October 26th, 2011, 03:13 PM

I'm so sorry...

missy123 · #13 October 26th, 2011, 05:13 PM

I am so sorry... I wish I could make it better for you. (((hugs)))

I honestly feel your pain. I went through it so many times.

It was so depressing a few times that I actually ended up taking generic zanax just to get past the 1st few days of AF.

Hold UP! I just read your other post:

My flow isn't pink.. much darker... and I feel really crampy...

Is the spotting still dark?

vrock · #14 October 26th, 2011, 07:58 PM

I'm sorry

Hope you get your BFP soon.

.:Shortcake:. · #15 October 27th, 2011, 05:21 AM

I'm sorry your having to go through this

acchickpea · #16 October 27th, 2011, 05:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by missy123

I am so sorry... I wish I could make it better for you. (((hugs)))

I honestly feel your pain. I went through it so many times.

It was so depressing a few times that I actually ended up taking generic zanax just to get past the 1st few days of AF.

Hold UP! I just read your other post:

My flow isn't pink.. much darker... and I feel really crampy...

Is the spotting still dark?

It's is dark and is more like a normal flow for me... a bit crampy on my left side... almost like sporadic pinching.... I'm not sure exactly how an implantation bleeding would look like but I read that it should be brown because it should be old blood.

Thanks for the kind words ladies... made my day....

It's like you want to think positive but times like this is when it hurts.... I ask myself why do I set myself up trying to think that this will be it when in turn it really isn't... but I don't want to be a downer either by saying that this cycle isn't it... you know what I mean... I'm rambling sorry.....

Leanne78 · #17 October 27th, 2011, 05:51 AM

So sorry hun.

pepper73 · #18 October 27th, 2011, 06:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by acchickpea

It's like you want to think positive but times like this is when it hurts.... I ask myself why do I set myself up trying to think that this will be it when in turn it really isn't... but I don't want to be a downer either by saying that this cycle isn't it... you know what I mean... I'm rambling sorry.....

I absolutely know what you mean by that. It is hard to build up hope when you know there's a possibility for disappointment. At the same time, you don't want to feel hopeless. It's a vicious circle and so hard to go through over and over. One thing about hope though...it helps motivate us and I do believe that positive thinking can only help in the long run. That being said....there is no reason why you should've give yourself a few days to mope. I think that's important too.

missy123 · #19 October 27th, 2011, 08:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by acchickpea

It's like you want to think positive but times like this is when it hurts.... I ask myself why do I set myself up trying to think that this will be it when in turn it really isn't... but I don't want to be a downer either by saying that this cycle isn't it... you know what I mean... I'm rambling sorry.....

Do not ever feel sorry for rambling, that is what we are here for. While I was TTC my moods and feelings were partially determined by where I was in my cycle.

During the AF stage I would cry and be depressed... It was such a let down.

Around CD4 I would start feeling hopeful again! Yeah, this is it - fork out the OPK's we are going to do it this month. This was also usually my research time of the month as I would do research on anything new out there.

Around CD7 it was get out the sexy clothes time (I always o'ed early and have shorter cycles)... Time to seduce the big guy!

Then the 2ww. That was the most fun and exciting. Over analyzing every little feeling, dreaming of that big moment when I would get the BFP, planning out how I would tell DH and the boys, thinking of all the hopes and dreams for the exciting future.

Then bam... back to CD1 and I would cry for days only to start it all over again.

I get what you are feeling. (((hugs))) Do not give up the dream.

.:Shortcake:. · #20 October 27th, 2011, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by missy123

Do not ever feel sorry for rambling, that is what we are here for. While I was TTC my moods and feelings were partially determined by where I was in my cycle.

During the AF stage I would cry and be depressed... It was such a let down.

Around CD4 I would start feeling hopeful again! Yeah, this is it - fork out the OPK's we are going to do it this month. This was also usually my research time of the month as I would do research on anything new out there.

Around CD7 it was get out the sexy clothes time (I always o'ed early and have shorter cycles)... Time to seduce the big guy!

Then the 2ww. That was the most fun and exciting. Over analyzing every little feeling, dreaming of that big moment when I would get the BFP, planning out how I would tell DH and the boys, thinking of all the hopes and dreams for the exciting future.

Then bam... back to CD1 and I would cry for days only to start it all over again.

I get what you are feeling. (((hugs))) Do not give up the dream.

Ditto this!! TTCAL just plain sucks. The emotional toll that this takes on not only ourselves, our relationships, basically every aspect of your life is horrible. Don't ever feel bad for ranting. That's what we are here for