[vrock]

We had told out kids about my pregnancy. My son is almost 5 but he is a pretty mature kid and is a really deep thinker.

He was okay when we told him that God needed the baby in heaven so we would not get to have him here with us.

I thought he was really doing okay with everything, but the other day I asked him if he thought we should have another baby and he told me no because he didn't want another baby to go to heaven I was sort of shocked but didn't think much of it.

This morning we woke up and we found our cat dead outside Carter completely broke down and cried and cried and cried because he was so sad. It broke MY heart!

I think he has had too much death in his life lately, his great grandmother last month, the baby this month and then the cat must have just been the last straw.

It was so sad how hard he was crying. I know for sure if we get pregnanct again that we will probably not be telling him and our daughter about it until we are farther along. At the same time, I know there is really never a "safe" time to tell your kids either without the risk of having to "untell" them.

Did anyone else have other kids that they told about their pregnancies and how did they handle the ones that you lost?

[Lindz253]

Im sorry for all the losses you and your family have been through lately. Your poor son, seeing him cry would have broken my heart too!

My oldest will be 4 in December. We thought we waiting long enough to tell her (my youngest just turned 2 so she had no clue what was going on). I was so sick this past pregnancy that she was wondering why I was always laying in bed so we told her I was pregnant.

I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks and telling Riley was harder than telling any of my other family. She would walk up to strangers and tell them "mommy has a baby in her belly" and she was so excited and she would rub my belly. She took it pretty well but will still mention it out of the blue how the baby is in heaven. I think your situation is different than mine because your son is older and you have had several deaths close to each other.

I have no clue how long I will wait to tell her when Im pregnant next time. That is going to be a hard decision. When do you think you will tell your children the next time you get pregnant?

[LindseyE117]

With our first loss, I had never miscarried before, and I thought that it would never happen to me. I told everyone as I was so excited. Then when I did lose the baby, it was devestating. Even worse, I had to tell everyone about the loss, including my 2 children. They were so hurt. I got asked for weeks why God would take a baby and why did it have to happen to us. I really did not know what to say other then he was too special to stay with us on earth. God just really wanted his special child home with him to make him a special angel. This seemed to help a little with them.

If he is little, I do not think that he will truly understand anything in depth. Just hug him and hold him and tell him that his little brother or sister never left, but is instead now his guardian angel. That was meant to be the baby's job all along. Poor little guy.

[junie22]

Valerie, I just got teary-eyed reading your post. And Lindsey just opened the floodgates. I don't have children, so I don't have any wisdom to impart. Just wanted to tell you that I'm so sorry you and your family are going through all of this. The one thing I have learned from the ton of children in my family (I have five brothers and sisters who all have children) is that they are incredibly resilient, much more so than us. I hope Carter is feeling better very soon and that your whole family is able to heal together.

[.:Shortcake:.]

I also do not have any living children so I can't help you much there. I can however tell you that my really close friend lost her boyfriend and explaining to her 4 year old that his daddy had passed away was horrible. The only explanation that really helped him was he would see his daddy again someday in heaven and that his daddy was watching over him from heaven. I'm so sorry your having to go through this.

[JulieMc]

I told my son, but he's not even 2.5 years old yet...so he forgot after a week or so. He did tell me he wants more babies though.

I think in the future I'll probably watch what I say and wait longer. But like you said, there is no safe time...so I don't know. It's a tough spot to be in. So sorry he's having a rough time, but kids are tough and he'll get past it and I'm sure he'll be excited about another sibling in the future.

[FL Mama]

Like Lindsey said, I never thought I would miscarry - who does until it happens? With my second pregnancy we told everyone right away, and then it really stunk having to tell everybody that the baby was gone. So, with my next two pregnancies we played it safe. With this one we told our boys right away - well, hubby actually slipped up so we had no choice - but friends and family weren't told until around 9/10wks. They say there's only a 3-5% chance of loss after eight weeks and I simply couldn't stay quiet anymore. Plus, I figured there was no way I would beat the odds again. Well, obviously, I did. So now, I have thought a lot in the 13 days since my stillbirth, and I've decided to just go "balls to the wall" with the next pregnancy. I won't wait to tell because you never know if or when something will go wrong. Plus, I will need all the support I can get if something goes wrong again. My boys are 6 and 8, and they will know first (besides my hubby). They took the loss of the baby pretty hard, and still mention it, but they are excited for God to bless us again.

Sorry, just realized I was rambling. Sorry I gave you the long version.

[vrock]

Thanks everyone, he has been okay for the rest of the day for the most part. Of course he keeps talking about the cat being gone. He wanted to bury the cat and luckily we live on 3 acres so he and DH chose a nice spot for him and Carter keeps looking out the window out there.

Claire is 2.5 so she doesn't quite understand death.

I really have no idea when we will tell them when we get pregnant again. I am hoping we will just know and feel okay about telling them. It will probably be for sure after the first u/s that we see a heartbeat.

[Shadeauxe]

I told my son almost immediately with my last pregnancy (he was 5) and when I lost the baby (very early), I just told him that there wasn't a baby in there anymore. He asked me what happened and I told him that sometimes it just doesn't work out. This time, I have not told him yet. I am 15 weeks and I will probably wait until the anatomy scan (18 weeks) to tell him.

[pepper73]

That's so rough! Those losses so close together are hard for anyone to handle, and must be much harder for a young child who doesn't completely grasp it yet. I don't have any children myself, but my BF has an 11 year old daughter. We didn't tell her when I got pregnant and I'm glad we didn't. She asks us frequently about us having a baby so if she knew we were expecting and lost it, it would devastate her. When we get pregnant again, we definitely will wait. Trying to explain a miscarriage is so hard. I remember when I was around 8, my mother had a really bad one and it was incredibly sad for all of us. At that time, not only was I sad about the baby, but I was also worried about my mother because there was so much bleeding.

[SkyBaby]

Your son sounds precious. Give him huge hugs from me and all of us here. I got more than a little choked up reading your post. He's been through so much lately.

We're pregnant with a healthy baby girl due in a few short weeks after a heartbreaking early loss over 2 years ago, so we don't have any other children. I do remember when my mom miscarried the baby at 9 weeks between my brother and my sister. (I'm the oldest of 3- bro is 19, sis is 13 and I'm 23). At the time, I was 9 and my bro was 5 or so. I remember I was upset and cried. I remember her being upset, but trying not to show too much around us. I remember hugging her a lot and being hugged and that was comforting for us both. She did however tell us pretty early on when pregnant with my sister. I remember I was very happy and excited and worried about that sweet little baby growing in her that would become my healthy baby sister. I was glad she told me, though.