When will you tell people?

Lindz253 · #1 October 31st, 2011, 06:00 PM

With all of my pregnancies I have told my family and close friends pretty much immediately after I got a BFP. Im not a drunk by any means but when we hang out with friends I always have some wine or something and they would know if I didn't drink so unless I want to shut myself in my house they will figure it out.

Im not sure what I want to do this time around.

How many weeks do you want to be to tell family and your BFF's?

What about the rest of the people you know?

MillerMom2b · #2 October 31st, 2011, 06:06 PM

I only told a handful of people the last time... and your right about the drinking. Some people figure it out right away, based on that. I have not decided on when to tell the next time around. I'm assuming I will do close family and BFF's sooner than the rest.. everyone else probably not until after the 1st Trimester, if I can hide it.

junie22 · #3 October 31st, 2011, 06:11 PM

I haven't decided yet. I told my sisters, mom, and dad at 4 weeks last time, and then it really sucked having to call them and tell them, "Nevermind." So I'll definitely wait longer this time. I haven't completely decided yet, but I'll probably tell them after I hear the heartbeat and if everything looks okay. I'll also tell a couple of my closest friends.

I probably won't tell extended family and friends until after the first trimester.

Lindz253 · #4 October 31st, 2011, 06:34 PM

My parents live right up the street from me. I can see their house from my front window. We are around them all the time and with how sick I get they would figure it out. Plus I like telling them because they will help me out with my girls. So I know I will still tell them immediately.

Other people Im just not sure...

junie22 · #5 October 31st, 2011, 06:43 PM

I work with a woman who just had her first baby at the age of 46. She and her husband went through a lot to conceive their miracle baby. She didn't tell anyone at work that she was trying because she knew they would be thinking, "Aren't you too old?"

She is a tiny woman. Like 5 feet tall and 100 pounds. So it was pretty hard for her to hide it after a while. She just tried to wear clothes that hid it as best she could. Since no one knew she was TTC, they just thought she was gaining a lot of weight. Finally, people started talking and she had to come out with it.

She got to 22 weeks before she finally had to spill the beans at work. I have no idea how she held it in that long! She didn't even tell her own parents until she was 16 weeks along. She and her husband were just so nervous that she would miscarry, with her advanced age.

Anyway, anytime I'm feeling down about TTC, I just think about her. She just delivered her baby on 10/4 (incidentally, the day I miscarried).

Lindz253 · #6 October 31st, 2011, 06:48 PM

Wow, people must have thought she was gaining tons of weight! Although I guess Im just thinking of myself who gains a lot. LOL. I couldn't hide it that long. What a great story, that is so wonderful they had a baby. Weird coincidence that it happened the day you miscarried though!

ninja_mommy · #7 October 31st, 2011, 06:57 PM

I will tell some close friends again right away. Quite a few of them have actually went through losses too, so it was nice to have people to talk to IRL. Some family will know asap too bc I can't keep my mouth shut.
I will tell others after having heard h/b or seeing the baby alive and well on u/s.

And this is kind of weird, but I was so hesitant to tell people with this pregnancy and when I told them, I would just say, "It's really early." I was just so nervous that something would happen and sadly enough it was true. Half of my family still doesn't know about the pregnancy or m/c

Kind of stinks to "hide" it.

junie22 · #8 October 31st, 2011, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lindz253

Wow, people must have thought she was gaining tons of weight! Although I guess Im just thinking of myself who gains a lot. LOL. I couldn't hide it that long. What a great story, that is so wonderful they had a baby. Weird coincidence that it happened the day you miscarried though!

The timing was a strange coincidence, but kind of nice at the same time.

She actually didn't gain that much weight in pregnancy, but it did get to the point where it was just so obvious. I think because she was so much older, the thought that she could be pregnant never crossed people's minds. Then that extra weight turned into a pretty convincing baby bump.

She was also really lucky because she never had even a touch of morning sickness. After all she went through to conceive, she had one of the easiest pregnancies imaginable. And she was a scheduled C-section, so everything truly went as planned.

What a blessing.

3Sapphires · #9 October 31st, 2011, 07:17 PM

every time I have been PG, I have told my 2 best friends, JM and hubby - everyone else waits till 12 weeks.

last time it was awkward to tell people why I was such a mess, but it would have been awkward to go back afterward to tell them I lost the baby too.

I will probably do the same next time. I kinda like it being just our little secret.

.:Shortcake:. · #10 October 31st, 2011, 07:22 PM

My immediate family will know when I know but other than that we do not plan on telling anyone until we reach 20 weeks. We have had so many losses that I just don't think I would feel "safe" telling people before that.

Zoey1981 · #11 October 31st, 2011, 09:22 PM

I'm not telling anyone until I know I hear a heartbeat this time. My kids wont know until we are at LEAST 13weeks along. My mother worries a lot and I don't want to stress her out anymore than she needs to be. And since I wont be telling my own mother....I wont tell anyone else besides my DH. Oh and you ladies will know! I gotta talk to someone about my crazy fears that will be spilling over!

As for your problem. To hide it when they offer you a glass take it and just don't drink it, lol. and when no one is looking dump some out. If they are all drinking no one will even notice!

kaylakay · #12 October 31st, 2011, 10:32 PM

My first pregnancy which ended in miscarriage I told everyone RIGHT away.

2nd miscarriage nobody knows except me and DH.

Ectopic pregnancy once again nobody knows!

This pregnancy since its going so well and my numbers are perfect and we have a heartbeat and we lost our other 2 before 5 weeks we told the family and my work. I work as a nurses aid and had to say why I can't lift anyone or anything etc. They had to know so I wouldn't get fired haha we won't go public with it like Facebook until 12 weeks.

doremi · #13 October 31st, 2011, 11:06 PM

With Josiah, we told both extended families and close friends as soon as we found out, and everybody else around 8 weeks. With my first m/c, we told my side of the family and close friends right away, but were waiting to tell DH's family until I was a little further along. We told DH's dad and stepmom right after the m/c. DH never told his Mom (she gets uncomfortable with sad news, and DH just never found the "right" time to tell her). With my second m/c, we left on vacation the day I found out I was pregnant, and I started spotting right away, so I knew there was a strong possibility it wasn't going to be viable. I told a few of my closest friends right away so that they could be praying for us, and we were on vacation with my Mom and brother, so I told them right away too. I had my m/c the evening after we got home. We told less people about the 2nd m/c, but did share the news with my FIL and SMIL. Again, DH's Mom was not told.

As for the next time, we'll tell my Mom and brother/SIL right away. I'll also tell a few of my closest friends. We won't share with everyone else until 8-12 weeks unless we're put in a situation where we need to tell, or I'm noticeably pregnant... I tend to bloat a TON at the start of my pregnancies. I can look 4-5 months pregnant by the end of a day, which is a little hard to hide

cheeky_monkey · #14 November 1st, 2011, 12:57 AM

Last time I told all my friends immediately. They knew we had problems with conceiving and were so happy for us. We told both sets of parents on Christmas day (we found out on the 20th December and those 5 days of waiting were killing me)

Next time I'll be pregnant I do not want to tell anyone- not even parents- before 13 weeks. Our little bean had a HB till 8 weeks for sure, we still don't know what was wrong (chromosomal abnormalitie was never confirmed), so I already know that I will be a mess with worry. Hopefully we'll have a different outcome and be able to keep our baby next time round.

Pitridge · #15 November 1st, 2011, 02:21 AM

With my first pg (ended in m/c) we told people right away. With DS I told my mom right away because I started bleeding. At 7 weeks or so I told my sister, and the rest of the family and friends at 12 weeks. It was hard to kept it a secret.

joanna26 · #16 November 1st, 2011, 05:52 AM

With my 1st pregnancy we told immediate family right away and noone else until 12 weeks. With my second (loss) we told immediate family right away and then found out about the m/c at 8 weeks so we didn't really tell anyone else. Very few people know about the m/c. Next time I am going to wait until we see a h/b to tell family. I will tell a few close friends so that they can pray for my sanity while waiting for the first u/s though.

acchickpea · #17 November 1st, 2011, 06:41 AM

I'm going to hold off on telling people right when I find out. I'm almost thinking to not tell close family too. It's a heart break to me to repeat the story over and over and over... My overly pregnant SIL ask me if I would tell them if was and I said I'm waiting till 10 weeks and a heartbeat to tell anyone...
Trying not to take this the wrong way but... SIL told me that MIL is always wondering if I am pregnant.... She said that I gained weight on my face!!!!!!!! REALLY! (I need a breath of fresh air..... sorry if that was so random)

Totally forgot to mention that you ladies actually would be the first to know...

*SamF* · #18 November 1st, 2011, 08:23 AM

Our first pregnancy we told everyone right away. With the subsequent losses, immediate family knew but that was it. With DS we started telling people around 8 weeks.
With the losses after DS, the first one we told immediate family, which then they told others. With Spud we waited till around 8 weeks for immediate family, but a lot of people had kind of figured it out. With the twins, only I think 3 people IRL knew about it, we never did tell family.
With this one we waited till I just couldn't hide it anymore from people (i popped early)so it was around 10 weeks we started telling people around us. We waited till 12 weeks to make the public announcement on FB.

I think you really have to gauge how your immediate family reacts, and what kind of support you get. Mine SUCKED, so we elected not to tell them until we had to.

StaceygirlPa · #19 November 1st, 2011, 12:38 PM

With the first loss we only told some of family
With the second loss we lost it as soon as we found out
With the third loss we told everyone after our first ultrasoun
With baby dh told some co-workers who knew about our losses, I told a good friend of mine so I would have someone to go with me to my appointment since Dh couldn't go. We started telling Dh's family after our last ultrasound since everything looked so good. We wont begin telling everyone else until we are in the second trimester.

Spahr · #20 November 1st, 2011, 12:42 PM

My doctor has suggested we not tell until 16 weeks next time. However, my family did not know about the last 2 miscarriages and I feel that they would be super supportive if they had known, instead of just seeing us as a wreck for a few weeks. I'll have to tell someone though. There's no way I could keep it secret long