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proudmomtoEthan · #1 November 7th, 2011, 03:38 PM

My name is Tamara and I am 28 been with dh for almost 9 years married for 3. We have a beautiful almost 2 year old son whom we love with all our heart.

I was told on November 1 that I had miscarried at 6 weeks and 3 days, I was/am devastated when she told me that. I have never had a miscarriage before and just never thought I would. I was wrong and never really realized what women go through when they have had one. I felt like I did something horrible wrong and didn't protect the little angle growing inside me. I felt like I deserved it some how for something I said or did. It has only been a 6 days and I still cry when I think about it and ache when I touch my stomach and know he/she is no longer there. I do know if it not my fault (after a lot of support and others telling me) I know it just happens.

The thing that is PISSING me off is people saying "well at least it was early". Um, that doesn't make it any easier. I had already starting picking names and wondering what my ds would call the baby. Having all 4 of us laying in bed. My dreams were forming while the baby was there. I hate it when people say that and just want to slap them. The only ones that don't say that is sadly women who have gone through this. It's a horrible thing and I wish no one would have to go through it.

Here comes so questions if that is ok?

I started spotting the day I got my bfp Oct 12 (scared out of my mind) but my number were going up so I was staying positive. I Oct 30 at like 9pm I had to put a pad on (normally just had to use panty liners) and then at like 4am I woke up to a lot of bleeding and a horrible headache. I went on with my day (in denial) and did Halloween stuff with DS. Tuesday dh stayed home and went to the doctors appointment with me, that is when we learned what happen. I didn't hear a word my doctor said after that (thank god dh was there) she gave him the medication I was to take and how long, how much. blah blah blah. Sorry got side tracked.

The bleeding stopped on November 4 (finished my medication the 3rd) but the bleeding started up again Sunday night. Now my question is, is this my period or is my body still trying to take care of what happen?

I am sorry if this is all over the place, I still cry when I think about it and I am just not thinking straight. Sorry.

.:Shortcake:. · #2 November 7th, 2011, 04:43 PM

I am so very sorry for your loss. Your right even having an early loss it still hurts just as bad. You start forming that dream of your child the moment you find out your pregnant and most people don't get that.

As far as right now it's not AF it's your actual m/c. Your body should ovulate around 2ish weeks after your levels drop to negative and then AF arrives 2 weeks later, however, after a loss it's really up in the air. Everyone's bodies react differently.

As far as your loss goes did they ever check your progesterone levels? If you started stopping early it could be that you have a low progesterone level and you might need a supplement. (your doctor can check your levels at 7dpo and get a better idea of that).

Please feel free to jump right into posting. Any questions you have we will try to answer.

vrock · #3 November 7th, 2011, 05:04 PM

I'm sorry for your loss. You are very right people don't know what to say and sometimes say the wrong things unless they have experienced a loss themselves.

had my m/c about 4 weeks ago and still am having spotting off and on. My bleeding will stop and then start back up a few days later. It has never been as heavy as it was during the beginning of the m/c. I am planning on asking my midwife about the bleeding tomorrow. I will let you know what she says. I haven't taken any meds though and it had all just been doing it's own thing so I don't know if that would be different.

junie22 · #4 November 7th, 2011, 05:06 PM

Hi, Tamara. Sorry that you have a reason to join this board. However, this board is full of wonderful women who know exactly what you're going through.

You're right, it's just wrong for someone who has never gone through a loss to tell you, "At least it was early." You can tell yourself that if it brings you some peace, but no one else should pass any kind of opinion about how you should grieve or how you should feel.

As Katie said, the bleeding you're experiencing now is from the m/c and not AF. You will eventually ovulate and have a regular period. Then hopefully your cycle will start getting back to normal.

I hope that in time, you will feel better emotionally and physically and will want to TTC again. In the meantime, please jump into posting or asking questions here. We're all here to listen to and support each other.

Lindz253 · #5 November 7th, 2011, 05:46 PM

I am so very sorry for your loss

~*Kel*~ · #6 November 7th, 2011, 05:47 PM

Hi! I am so glad you posted here, I was going to suggest you come here but I wasn't sure if it was the right time. The girls here are super sweet and it is so nice to have a support group who knows exactly how you feel. I know I said it before, but if you ever need to talk or vent or whatever you have,my # please don't hesitate to use it.

L-SBB · #7 November 7th, 2011, 07:30 PM

I remember you from Dec '09 DDC Tamara...so very sorry for your loss

welcome to TTCAL...it's a great group here and you'll find a lot of support when you need it. HUGS

For your question...i'm not sure what meds your Dr prescribed, was it something to help the m/c complete naturally? I haven't used any myself so not sure if they could cause some of what you're describing with the intermittent/recurrent bleeding.

With my most recent loss, i bled pretty consistently for about 6 days after loss was confirmed (hb gone) and then very lightly for an additional few days. With a natural loss often OB will track your hcg levels until they return to normal (less than 5) just to make sure you haven't retained anything...if you're concerned you might want to call Dr and see if they can do another hcg level on you just to make sure. I do agree with everyone that loss can throw your body out of whack for a cycle or more, so it could just be the way your body is reacting.

nichol · #8 November 7th, 2011, 08:31 PM

With a heavy heart, we welcome you

I'm so sorry you had to go thru this too. Prayers that healing is fast for you and just know, it gets easier with time. We are here for you thru it tho.

proudmomtoEthan · #9 November 7th, 2011, 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L-SBB

I remember you from Dec '09 DDC Tamara...so very sorry for your loss

welcome to TTCAL...it's a great group here and you'll find a lot of support when you need it. HUGS

For your question...i'm not sure what meds your Dr prescribed, was it something to help the m/c complete naturally? I haven't used any myself so not sure if they could cause some of what you're describing with the intermittent/recurrent bleeding.

With my most recent loss, i bled pretty consistently for about 6 days after loss was confirmed (hb gone) and then very lightly for an additional few days. With a natural loss often OB will track your hcg levels until they return to normal (less than 5) just to make sure you haven't retained anything...if you're concerned you might want to call Dr and see if they can do another hcg level on you just to make sure. I do agree with everyone that loss can throw your body out of whack for a cycle or more, so it could just be the way your body is reacting.

Hi, I remember you too. I just sent my doctor an email to see what she thinks. She had me on Cytotec I took it for 2 days. I am just wanting it to be over with. As bad as that sounds and has much as that made me hurt to say but emotionally I can't take it anymore. This just sucks.

Thank you ladies, it is nice to know I am not alone in feeling like I lose something so important to me even though I never got to meet him/her.

MillerMom2b · #10 November 8th, 2011, 03:48 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss.

joanna26 · #11 November 8th, 2011, 05:52 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss sweetie

Please feel free to slap anyone who says "at least it was early". F that. Losing a baby hurts terribly no matter when it happens. HUGS!!

acchickpea · #12 November 8th, 2011, 06:11 AM

Hugs.... It feels like a stab in the heart for the longest time but I try to look forward and try to stay positive for our rainbow babies...
Did you have an ultra sound done to see if everything has cleared? You want to make sure so that you won't have any infections.....
Wishing you well and hope that your betas return to zero quickly for you to TTC....

K.A.T · #13 November 8th, 2011, 08:05 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too hate hearing at least it's early. That doesn't negate the pain we feel.

Zoey1981 · #14 November 8th, 2011, 08:48 AM

I am so sorry for your loss. Its never easy to have a m/c no matter how far a long you are. /hugs.

humnck · #15 November 8th, 2011, 09:54 AM

I am ss for your loss! And that comment hurts on so many levels...it really doesn't matter how far along you are, 4 weeks, 8 weeks, etc, it is hard.

I hope your doctor can answer your questions, the bleeding is not your AF however. You will likely O in about 2+ weeks and then get your AF about 2 weeks after that, as long as your cycle goes back to "normal".

HUGS!!!

proudmomtoEthan · #16 November 8th, 2011, 02:34 PM

My doctor is not going to do beta draws. I have heard this isn't normal. Should I request them in about 2 weeks?

vrock · #17 November 8th, 2011, 03:30 PM

If you are going to TTC again soon I would for sure ask for beta draws. Even just getting those done for your own peace of mind would probably be good for you. Very interesting that they don't want to do anything.

BeckyBozeman · #18 November 8th, 2011, 03:35 PM

So sorry for your loss Tamara... people say such thoughtless things with the best of intentions. Your baby is your baby, no matter how long they were with you...

I'm glad you've found your way here, this is the best group of women ever! There is so much support and good advice here that I'll probably hang around forever!

My loss was at 11 weeks and it was natural and without medication. But I bled lightly for about five days after I actually passed everything. I didn't ovulate that cycle and AF arrived a few days later than normal. I didn't ever have any blood work done afterward, but my midwife did tell me to watch for signs of infection and to not use tampons for that first AF. She also said no DTD until the bleeding had stopped completely. From what I've read everyone's body reacts to a loss differently so try to be patient with your body and kind to yourself.

So sorry again and best of luck to you when you're ready to TTC again...

roziecakes · #19 November 8th, 2011, 04:09 PM

My doctor didn't do beta draws either. I admit I was pretty confused for a few weeks because I didn't know what was going on with my body. I did take an HPT to see if it was negative after a few weeks, which it was, which I took as a good indicator that there wasn't any HCG in my bloodstream; but until I got my first AF I was still in a state of confusion. I think you can request a beta draw as far as I know.

Anyhoo, I am so sorry for your loss. My loss was relatively early too, about 9 weeks, and it hurts so bad still after almost 2 months. Personally, I don't think it matters how early a loss is, you still dream and hope and get excited, and because you're a caring mommy, you fall in love, even if it is just for a short amount of time. This is a really supportive board, the ladies here are awesome. Hope you get your sticky BFP soon!

Sneetch · #20 November 8th, 2011, 05:05 PM

I would agree that the bleeding you are having is from the m/c. I had the same thing happen when I miscarried at 5 weeks last year. The bleeding stopped, and then about a week and a half later, it started again. Also, my HCG was not dropping as fast as they would have liked, so there may have been something there still that needed to get out. I am surprised your doctor isn't drawing for your levels. I have only had one m/c, but it seemed like standard procedure to make sure everything went back to normal.

Sorry for your loss. Big hugs!