I have a question

1InSummerland · #1 November 11th, 2011, 07:44 PM

I've popped in a few times in the past, introduced myself and lurked a bit. I had a loss, diagnosed at the end of Feb, and a D&C at the beginning of March. Since then, DH and I have been debating TTC. I can't wait to be a mom and I know DH wants to be a dad but sometimes I wonder if we would even be talking about it right now if we hadn't gotten pregnant (unplanned) with our Angel. On the other hand, we would have a 3 month old right now if we hadn't lost her.

I guess where I am going with this is that I really want to TTC and have a baby but I'm afraid of doing it/rushing it for the wrong reasons. Nothing is going to change the fact that we will never hold our first baby. I'm wondering if any of you ladies have struggled with these thoughts or had a similar situation (loss of an unplanned pregnancy)?

Thanks.

tobi4 · #2 November 11th, 2011, 09:55 PM

Absolutely! I totally was where you are. We got pregnant with our angel, by surprise and hadnt really had any intentions of ttc then. Our sweet little baby wasnt with us for long but was able to teach us a lot in such a short time. We realized that we absolutely wanted a baby together and a sweet little girl once told me that even though god took our baby back it was only because something wrong. He would fix it and send baby back to us. I held onto that hope and eventually I was once again blessed with my sweet little baby boy.
Im very sorry for your loss, and I hope your struggle with yourself is resolved soon. Good luck!!

missy123 · #3 November 11th, 2011, 10:08 PM

YES!! With our 1st loss we were not even in a committed relationship. We were dating and living in separate homes. I was shocked to be pregnant and was really stressed when I told him about it. We talked about our options and decided I would raise the baby on my own and he would provide financial support and have visitation. a week later I had miscarriage #1. He was there to support me emotionally and it brought us closer together. We went on to TTC for 2 more years and in between all that moved in together and ended up getting married.

Go with your heart - if you both want to then go for it.

pepper73 · #4 November 12th, 2011, 03:57 AM

My loss was also an unplanned pregnancy and also made us both realize that we wanted a child together. I understand your anxieties about TTC. The only thing I can really say is that you will know when the time is right. If you aren't ready now, don't try and push yourself or rush into it. If you need more time to heal, it is really important that you do that.

roziecakes · #5 November 12th, 2011, 10:23 AM

My loss was with an unplanned pregnancy. I didn't even think I could get pregnant for various medical reasons, so it was completely shocking and something that wasn't even on my radar. Of course, I feel differently now that I know more about my body, but yes, the decision to TTC was one not taken lightly. Good luck with everything!

LittleMomma09 · #6 November 12th, 2011, 12:10 PM

When I got pregnant we weren't trying but not preventing so it was kinda planned but not really. After I found out I was pregnant I panicked and worried what was thinking. After I really got excited about having another baby, I miscarried. My husband had felt the same as me but he told me that the loss made him realise how much he is really wanting another baby & so did I.

It is something you and him need to talk about. You might not be ready and he might. But don't do it unless it's something you also want.

1InSummerland · #7 November 13th, 2011, 06:10 PM

Thanks for sharing your stories, ladies.

I know it's a very personal decision. I struggle with it so much though. Some days I feel like I'm ready now, other days I feel like I shouldn't even be thinking about it yet. DH is hard to talk to about it though. Some days he's all for discussing it but some days he just seems annoyed by the topic and he's never willing to make any decisions.

newmommysarah · #8 November 14th, 2011, 05:04 AM

Well i know for a fact my BF and I wouldn't be TTC right now if we hadn't had our loss 6 months ago. He really didnt want kids - or at least not for another 5 years or so but everything changed when we got pregnant last time, since then our priorities hanged completely. Last night we were joking about the possibility that we could carry the ginger gene - i said something like "oh god im going back on the pill tomorrow" and the look he gave me was like I had just kicked a puppy! So yeah he is defiantly as baby obsessed as me