Heartbroken

newmommysarah · #1 November 15th, 2011, 02:30 PM

Hi ladies I've been here on and off for 15 months now and I think I've just reached my limit with all this TTC bull***t. 15 months of pain and loss and I just can't do it anymore. I hate feeling like this, I try to stay positive but it feels like my heart is getting ripped out every 29 days. AF turns up, I spend 3-5 days crying and not eating properly, pull myself together and get on with normality for a week then I notice I'm coming near O time so I get all positive and happy, spend the next two weeks cutting down on ciggaretts and alcohol, looking up baby names, planning the nursery and then AF shows up and I'm destroyed all over again. HOW DO YOU LADIES COPE? Im at my limit. I can't take this much longer.

3Sapphires · #2 November 15th, 2011, 03:34 PM

It is horrible isn't it - cope - is a good word, I am getting to the point where I feel like I live in a dark cloud and it takes effort to smile.

DH yelled at me last night because I didn't take the kids outside to play, and it was probably one of the last nice days we would have. my answer was "I suck that's why" -

I am sorry ttc is so hard for us, it is truly miserable *hugs*

junie22 · #3 November 15th, 2011, 03:39 PM

So sorry.

I've only been trying for five months, and I still feel hopeless sometimes. I can't really offer you many words of comfort. Just know that you can vent anytime. I sincerely hope that you get a sticky BFP soon. I hope that for all of us, no matter how hopeless we feel at times.

Lindz253 · #4 November 15th, 2011, 05:41 PM

Im sorry you are having a hard time and wish there was something I could say to make it better. Its definitely tough but I wish you nothing but positive thoughts and good luck.

K.A.T · #5 November 15th, 2011, 06:36 PM

I wish I had the words to help you. I'm sorry you feel like you've reached the breaking point. Maybe taking a break from everything for a while may help you. It could give you time to deal emotionally without the stress of TTC. Again, I'm sorry you feel that way.

roziecakes · #6 November 15th, 2011, 08:44 PM

I am so sorry you're having a hard time. I am sure it's really really frustrating. I don't really know since I've never tried to conceive before, but I can imagine that it's a big emotional roller coaster that ends in disappointment when it doesn't work. I'm so glad that you have a place like this to come to to be able to vent. Hugs to you!!!!

newmommysarah · #7 November 16th, 2011, 03:22 AM

Thanks ladies, had to get that out my system - no one in the RW understands.

pepper73 · #8 November 16th, 2011, 04:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newmommysarah

Thanks ladies, had to get that out my system - no one in the RW understands.

That is so true! I even have friends who have had losses and had to deal with all of the TTC frustration. But, they went on to have children so all of that seems to have been forgotten. I will never forget. They even give me the "relax & it will happen" BS and it drives me crazy.

I hope you are feeling better. Sometimes we get so caught up in everything, we forget to take time to take care of ourselves. I think we should all try to give ourselves at least one day per cycle to just focus on us. Take yourself out to the salon, have a girl's night out, go shopping and buy yourself something special.

.:Shortcake:. · #9 November 16th, 2011, 04:50 AM

How and Why I keep going are I just cannot see my life without being a mother. I want a child so badly that I continue to push past the pain, the sadness and hope and pray that all my hard work will pay off with a rainbow baby. There are times I feel so down and low that I want to give up and when I get like that I take a break from everything. Know we are here for you!

cheeky_monkey · #10 November 16th, 2011, 05:10 AM

My way of coping is acting like an ostrich - I put my head in the sand and wait for the day (or week) to pass by then I start the same old cycle - praying and hopeing that I will O and then start the real torture of the 2WW

Don't know which part of the 2WW is worse for me actually coz just waiting to see if I O is more than enough at times ugh!

The only reason I keep on pushing forward is because like Katie I want a child so badly that it doesn't allow me to give up.

ladysakura721 · #11 November 16th, 2011, 09:39 AM

im so sorry you are going though this its awefull we ladys here have all had to go through so much for something we want so badly ttc is a long and somtimes painfull process i think my husband helped the most he decided he wanted to take time off so we both agreed to wait a year but nine monthes in to our year off he came home from work and just said i want to try for a baby again turns out he picked the best time i was driving us both crazy with all the charting and waiting and crying when he was ready to try again we made a deal no charts this time it takes some of the pressure off

joanna26 · #12 November 16th, 2011, 09:48 AM

Big HUGS sweetie! I think all of us who have been here awhile have felt the same way. We have been TTC #2 for around 18 months now. When things get to be too much I just take a break and take a cycle off. No temping, charting, opks, etc. I take a month to really focus on the rest of my life. Then I pick myself up and jump back into the craziness that is TTCAL

Have you done any fertility testing or MA? I know when we started that process it gave me a lift because I felt like we were at least moving forward, instead of being stuck in the same rut.

doremi · #13 November 16th, 2011, 09:48 AM

We've been TTC our second child for over a year now with two losses. The way your life gets divided into 28 day increments (or in my case 24 days) is really wearing. I guess what keeps me going is knowing deep down that our family is not complete yet, and that the odds are in my favor that another pregnancy will be a healthy one. I've found that the busier I keep myself, the easier the waiting is for me. I can't just let my life stop because I'm TTC... I owe it to myself and to my son to find joy in each new day, even if it is little things like picking a pretty fall leaf off the sidewalk, or splurging on an eggnog latte (did that yesterday!).

roziecakes · #14 November 16th, 2011, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pepper73

I think we should all try to give ourselves at least one day per cycle to just focus on us. Take yourself out to the salon, have a girl's night out, go shopping and buy yourself something special.

YES. This is SUCH a good idea!

TnPhotoMama81 · #15 November 16th, 2011, 04:03 PM

I am so sorry you are having a hard time. It is very hard to be positive sometimes. I think most if not all of us understand that. I hope it happens soon for you and you get your rainbow baby. <3

tobi4 · #16 November 17th, 2011, 04:45 PM

The month that my df and I finally conceived was the month I totally gave up smoking and the patch. (Id been struggling for 3 months) I usually didnt drink while ttc but actually had a glass of wine 5dpo. DF gave up all alcohol that cycle as well. I dont know if it was coincidence or what but thats the cycle that worked.
Maybe it will work for you as well? Its worth a try!

acchickpea · #17 November 18th, 2011, 07:02 AM

Don't feel you are alone in this vicious cycle.. I thought that I was the only one going through this and was all alone because as someone had mentioned that no one in the RW would know the feeling... Thank you for all the support JM provides! For me.. I've learned that I need to have a day for me... to mourn, to cry, to let out all of my feelings.... then get back on the positive thinking train that THIS cycle will be it... All you can do is push yourself forward and to appreciate what you have now and never lose that hope....